Single ladies, how do you respond to "why aren't you married yet?"

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

KSU-

I agree. This is a completely rude question. As someone who didn't marry until I was 31 and didn't have my first child until a week before my 34th birthday, trust me, I have heard both the marriage and kid question a time or two (or 600).

Here's the thing. I wouldn't trade my 20s for *anything.* I traveled freely, saw the country, advanced in my career, and learned how to be self-sufficient in car maintenence, computer/electronic issues, financial matters, etc. I went to tons of concerts, enjoyed a few too many happy hours, and did plenty "spur of the moment" activities. I met tons of other women who were also single (living in Dallas, being single in your 20s is not unusual) as well as the opportunity to meet lots of different men too. It is unbelievable what a different- and better- person I was at 29 than I was at 24.

By contrast, my friends who married straight out of college were either divorced or not happy in their marriage by age 30. That is not to say that that is the case for everyone who marries younger, but it certainly was for my circle. These people were the ones at 25 making me feel guilty for not being married, yet by 30 they were openly jealous of the freedom that I had.

I usually told the nosy people that I was enjoying the opportunity to do things while I was single that I might not have the opportunity to if I was married and certainly if I had kids. I also pointed out how miserable my married friends were, and that I *could* be married if I had wanted to (which was true...) but we would now be talking about my divorce. That usually shut the people up.

I do think I matters where you live... both Dallas and Nashville were very "single-friendly" and even once I was married I found I still had plenty of single friends. I now live in a town where the norm is to marry at 22 and to start having kids right away. So... everyone I meet that is my age has been married for 12-13 years, have 4 kids, and the oldest is 11. Even though they are the same age as me... they just "seem" 10 years older. They look at me like I have 2 heads when I mention that I only have 1 child (and he is only 1 yr old). These are super-nice people, but having a conversation with them about anything but kids is next to impossible... because it is all they know. We just have different life experiences.

Therefore, I bring it back to my original point... "I wouldn't trade my 20s for anything."

Best of luck to you... enjoy your singleness, and don't worry about the questions. Once you do decide to get married it will just turn to the kid question, and then it will turn to the 2nd kid question. Since the questions never really stop... just enjoy where you are in life and have fun.

I agree with every single word of this. More than once, I started to reply to this thread with a "keep your 20s to yourself!" post, but you put it all into words perfectly, Blondie. I loved every minute of my 20s, had the time of my life, learned what it felt like to take complete control of my life and excelled in my professional life. I met my husband when I was 30, married when I was 32 and truly felt like I knew who I was and was better able to adjust to sharing my life with someone. I've often said there's no way I'd still be married if I'd stayed with the guy I was with at 21, 23, 26, etc. Ignore people who act like you "should" be married before you're 30. If it's for you, great, but if it's not, don't rush it. You will be glad that you can look back and say how much you lived and enjoyed your freedom in your 20s, to me, those are the years you really grow and develop as an individual.

[ASUADPi]

I honestly despise the question. I'm 29, not married, not even dating anyone right now. It has taken me a loooonnnnngggg time to be content in my life and be happy with what I have accomplished. I mean literally like 3 weeks ago I made the decision that I'm just not in the mood to date right now (mainly because I have a lot going on in my life right now and I really don't want to add a relationship to everything else). And you know what, I'm happy, stressed (due to work) but happy.

For the longest time my mom and dad would bother me about getting married and having kids (mostly my mom). She finally backed off when (I think) my dad had a conversation with her back in October. I was bummed because my younger cousin was getting married, my brother was engaged, etc... and my dad was like "I'm so proud of you, you've graduated college with your bachelors and masters, which your brother's haven't done and you've bought two houses". I started to realize then that I don't need a guy to make me happy.

Don't get me wrong, I want to get married and I want to have kids. But as my dad so kindly pointed out to me "you don't need to be married to have a child all you need is a sperm bank" (thanks dad). But the reality is, he's right. If the right guy comes along, great! But I've come to the point in my life that I'm not going to put any of my dreams on hold, I'm going to achieve them, whether I'm married or not.

Thankfully I've got a very supportive and liberal family, so we're all good

[adpiucf]

"Why would I want to be married?"

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

Don't get me wrong, I want to get married and I want to have kids. But as my dad so kindly pointed out to me "you don't need to be married to have a child all you need is a sperm bank" (thanks dad). But the reality is, he's right. If the right guy comes along, great! But I've come to the point in my life that I'm not going to put any of my dreams on hold, I'm going to achieve them, whether I'm married or not.

I have yet to be asked why I'm not married yet, being that I'm only 22 and still have a year left of undergrad. But, I so often get, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" or "Why aren't you dating?"

How about...BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO. I made the choice not to date when my last boyfriend broke up with me. After three years of revolving my life around someone so much that I literally lost myself--I'm not going to jump into another relationship with just some random John. I decided not to date and it's been the best two years I've ever had. I've worried about ME, WHAT I WANT TO DO, WHERE I WANT TO GO, SPENDING MY TIME HOW I WANT TO SPEND IT.

I'm still finding myself and digging myself out of the horrible hole I let him put me in, but for the first time in 5 years I know myself, accept myself, and love myself. I don't need a man to validate me, tell me I'm gorgeous--I can do all of that myself--FOR FREE.

I'm not rushing into a boyfriend and I'm not going to rush into marriage. And, I don't need kids--I have two chinchillas to care for.

[Jimmy Choo]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

I have yet to be asked why I'm not married yet, being that I'm only 22 and still have a year left of undergrad. But, I so often get, "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" or "Why aren't you dating?"

They are asking you about the boyfriend b/c you are supposed to meet your husband in college. If you don't have a boyfriend then you can't be running straight for the alter the day after you graduate! Didn't you know that's what we women are supposed to do. Here you are trying to find yourself and be your own person..... you rulebreaker!!

[Dionysus]

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

They are asking you about the boyfriend b/c you are supposed to meet your husband in college. If you don't have a boyfriend then you can't be running straight for the alter the day after you graduate! Didn't you know that's what we women are supposed to do. Here you are trying to find yourself and be your own person..... you rulebreaker!!

I know you're being sarcastic, but I never even heard of the finding your husband/wife in college expectation, until I started reading these types of threads on GC.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

I never even heard of the finding your husband/wife in college expectation, until I started reading these types of threads on GC.

Seriously? Good for you. I had the unfortunate experience of actually knowing women who would brag that they were at a private university to get their "MRS. degree" since they assumed that they guys there were from wealthy backgrounds. Yes, they would openly admit that.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Seriously? Good for you. I had the unfortunate experience of actually knowing women who would brag that they were at a private university to get their "MRS. degree" since they assumed that they guys there were from wealthy backgrounds. Yes, they would openly admit that.

I know some "MRS. Degree" girls too and I go to a big northern public school!

[doodle83]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Seriously? Good for you. I had the unfortunate experience of actually knowing women who would brag that they were at a private university to get their "MRS. degree" since they assumed that they guys there were from wealthy backgrounds. Yes, they would openly admit that.

My 4th grade teacher said this to a bunch of us one day back then, and even then I was like ummmm

[Jimmy Choo]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

I know you're being sarcastic, but I never even heard of the finding your husband/wife in college expectation, until I started reading these types of threads on GC.

I think it is awesome that you never had to hear that kind of junk! I always heard from my family that since I was going away from home for college then I must be looking to marry a rich, southern man. I was in shock b/c I wasn't going to college to find a husband, I was going to college so I could be a professional!

I do sadly know a few girls who stuck around college just long enough to lock in a well-off guy and then dropped out. they said they didn't need an education b/c they had a rich husband. I'll admit I was totally appaulled.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

I know you're being sarcastic, but I never even heard of the finding your husband/wife in college expectation, until I started reading these types of threads on GC.

When my first boyfriend broke up with me in 9th grade, my mother said "It doesn't matter because, in college, you'll find a wonderful Morehouse Man who will love you for just who you are." Mind you, I was 14 and planning to go to Tuskegee, but she was convinced I'd marry a Morehouse Man no matter what state I went to school in. I guess they're supposed to be omnipresent.