Single ladies, how do you respond to "why aren't you married yet?"

[Jimmy Choo]

You're only 23... why are people even asking? You are still young and have a lot of living to do!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

You're only 23... why are people even asking? You are still young and have a lot of living to do!

Of course I know that, but in my social circle, the generally accepted timeline of events is:

1. Meet boyfriend in undergrad (junior year)
2. Get engaged shortly before graduation.
3. Plan wedding for 1-2 years.
4. Marry
5. Buy home soon after
6. Have first child before age 30.

I've sort of broken the generally accepted timeline. I'm one of those people who feels like you can't put timelines on that type of stuff, and that we just can't try to plan our lives. Do I want all those things? Yep. But I refuse to stress myself over them and generally feel like I am still young and my bio clock is not "ticking."

[Jimmy Choo]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Of course I know that, but in my social circle, the generally accepted timeline of events is:

1. Meet boyfriend in undergrad (junior year)
2. Get engaged shortly before graduation.
3. Plan wedding for 1-2 years.
4. Marry
5. Buy home soon after
6. Have first child before age 30.

I've sort of broken the generally accepted timeline. I'm one of those people who feels like you can't put timelines on that type of stuff, and that we just can't try to plan our lives. Do I want all those things? Yep. But I refuse to stress myself over them and generally feel like I am still young and my bio clock is not "ticking."

I'll try to think of some witty comebacks for you!

I got that too after I graduated. It boggled my mind that people could even be married at that age. IMO, there was still some more fun to be had! With the divorce rate in our society I would think we wouldn't want to push someone to get married.

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Of course I know that, but in my social circle, the generally accepted timeline of events is:

1. Meet boyfriend in undergrad (junior year)
2. Get engaged shortly before graduation.
3. Plan wedding for 1-2 years.
4. Marry
5. Buy home soon after
6. Have first child before age 30.

I've sort of broken the generally accepted timeline. I'm one of those people who feels like you can't put timelines on that type of stuff, and that we just can't try to plan our lives. Do I want all those things? Yep. But I refuse to stress myself over them and generally feel like I am still young and my bio clock is not "ticking."

If you've sort of broken the generally accepted timeline, I've shot it to hell.
1. Met then BF my 2nd semester of grad school.
2. Got engaged 5 years later
3. Married after 8 months (so there we sped it up)
4. Married on 6th anniversary of 2nd date.12/31/05
5. Just bought house (this past july)
6. Kids in 2010 maybe? (I just turned 32)

Why is it anyone's business? I hate this line of questioning...I'm getting the "when are you having kids?" all the damn time now. How do they know we haven't been trying and it's not working?We haven't, but seriously how do they know this? It's just intrusive and rude all the way around.
Our society has issues in thinking people are not complete if they are not married with children.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

Why is it anyone's business? I hate this line of questioning...I'm getting the "when are you having kids?" all the damn time now. How do they know we haven't been trying and it's not working?We haven't, but seriously how do they know this? It's just intrusive and rude all the way around.
Our society has issues in thinking people are not complete if they are not married with children.

I agree. I also think it's rude to ask things like that. Like, the most recent person to ask me about being married was a girl from my HS. I came into her Express where she works and she started a conversation with me. She is 24, married, with 2 kids. We were just talking about what we had been up to lately since I had not seen her since I graduated. We were talking about school, and she was saying that she is going back after her son gets older, and in her next breath, "So you don't have any little ones?" I smiled and said "Well, no." She responds with "Well when are you going to get married and settle down, you're getting old!" I simply changed the subject to the store's new premium denim line lol.

It bugged me because like AOII_LB93 said, she just doesn't know me well enough to ask that. How did she know I didn't just lose my fiance in a plane crash? How did she know I didn't just have a miscarriage? It's just a generally rude line of questioning.

[OneTimeSBX]

college is not a dating/find-a-man workshop like it used to be. half my friends went to college just to get a husband! heck, for 35k i will take time out and personally find you a man lol! my sister is 23 and constantly gets that question. she also doesnt date AT ALL so i think theres a difference between when we ask and when other people ask. ours is more out of concern lol!

and im engaged with two kids. i took the non-conventional route and still get asked when we are getting married. i always respond "as soon as you donate some money towards a wedding" and that usually clears things up!

[DreamfulSpirit]

I've been dating my b/f since March 2007, and now that we've been dating over a year, some of my friends are coming up to me (even some of my single friends) and asking when are we gonna get married.

I turned 23 in March, he's going to be 28 in July. People don't realize that we're just taking our time and not rushing anything. I do want to get married, but neither one of us is ready for it and we like where our relationship is right now.

[pinkyphimu]

I always said it was because I had too many things that I wanted to accomplish and I didn't *need* a man to accomplish them. Needing a man was not one of the things I wanted to accomplish!

I have always been super independent, so my family never ever asked me. They would always say to do what I wanted to do before I ever thought of settling down. I was in a relationship in my late 20s and really thought I was going to get married. Turns out that was not the case, but a few years later, I am registering for china at macy's! LOL. I truly couldn't imagine being married prior to now.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

... She is 24, married, with 2 kids. ...She responds with "Well when are you going to get married and settle down, you're getting old!"

Oh the irony. Who is the old one now?

[honeychile]

FWIW, my response used to be, "Well, you've obviously not introduced me to the right person yet." Put the ball in their court!

[ComradesTrue]

KSU-

I agree. This is a completely rude question. As someone who didn't marry until I was 31 and didn't have my first child until a week before my 34th birthday, trust me, I have heard both the marriage and kid question a time or two (or 600).

Here's the thing. I wouldn't trade my 20s for *anything.* I traveled freely, saw the country, advanced in my career, and learned how to be self-sufficient in car maintenence, computer/electronic issues, financial matters, etc. I went to tons of concerts, enjoyed a few too many happy hours, and did plenty "spur of the moment" activities. I met tons of other women who were also single (living in Dallas, being single in your 20s is not unusual) as well as the opportunity to meet lots of different men too. It is unbelievable what a different- and better- person I was at 29 than I was at 24.

By contrast, my friends who married straight out of college were either divorced or not happy in their marriage by age 30. That is not to say that that is the case for everyone who marries younger, but it certainly was for my circle. These people were the ones at 25 making me feel guilty for not being married, yet by 30 they were openly jealous of the freedom that I had.

I usually told the nosy people that I was enjoying the opportunity to do things while I was single that I might not have the opportunity to if I was married and certainly if I had kids. I also pointed out how miserable my married friends were, and that I *could* be married if I had wanted to (which was true...) but we would now be talking about my divorce. That usually shut the people up.

I do think I matters where you live... both Dallas and Nashville were very "single-friendly" and even once I was married I found I still had plenty of single friends. I now live in a town where the norm is to marry at 22 and to start having kids right away. So... everyone I meet that is my age has been married for 12-13 years, have 4 kids, and the oldest is 11. Even though they are the same age as me... they just "seem" 10 years older. They look at me like I have 2 heads when I mention that I only have 1 child (and he is only 1 yr old). These are super-nice people, but having a conversation with them about anything but kids is next to impossible... because it is all they know. We just have different life experiences.

Therefore, I bring it back to my original point... "I wouldn't trade my 20s for anything."

Best of luck to you... enjoy your singleness, and don't worry about the questions. Once you do decide to get married it will just turn to the kid question, and then it will turn to the 2nd kid question. Since the questions never really stop... just enjoy where you are in life and have fun.