I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by AKA2D '91

Say what? It's hard for him because it's a challenge for him. Don't say it's because he's one of us.

It didn't take me long to learn to write my name. It was difficult for my teachers to not allow me to turn my writst all the way around to right. That was a directive that came down from my father, their boss.
Whatever they did...it worked!

My dad said he's gonna teach my nephew how to pitch...

That is what pisses me off with his upbringing!!! I taught him how to turn his hand with a pencil so it could be easier to write, and he wrote the first letter of his name PERFECTLY!!! You should have seen the smile on his face!!!

He's NOT inhibited, the folks around him are--though...

Just one week with me, and my nephew learned a whole new world!!!

[teena]

Originally Posted by MsFoxyLoxy77

So in other words you're worried your future children will be discriminated against. You're afraid they'll be treated like African Americans or people of color. Well they will be people of color and they will be African American.

Who does anyone turn to...Al Sharpton? It doesn't matter how many family members you have or how well connected you are. Anyone...celebrity or not, rich or poor, can be subjected to racism. Any steps that would ever be taken to assist you or your children would most likely come after the fact not before.

I can appreciate that you've thought about the what but I'm not sure you've fully contemplated the who. Who will they be? Though interracial, they will be viewed as black and for better or worse they will be treated as such.

I think what she is saying is how can she prepare her future children for an experience that she has no real first hand knowledge. How can she gauge is her feelings are on the mark or if she is over reacting if her parents have no experience and her husbands parents arent alive. I think what she is asking about is a support system that will be able to address her issues.

I think she poses very good questions that i have often wondered about myself especially with Brangelina and Tom Cruise. How can you teach your children about about a system that is against you when you dont really understand yourself.

[teena]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I know they'll be black which is why I'm concerned. I, as a white woman, am on the outside of what they'll experience, so my advice for them can only go so far. At this point, I'm just sharing with y'all my experiences and concerns as a white woman in an ongoing interracial relationship.

You have to remember, this is why children have two parents.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by AKA2D '91

Dayum! So much for protecting women. But, then again, I saw on the news the other day where a sista ran a guy down the street shooting at him (thanks to street cameras), so I guess it is possible that starang21 could have been in a bad situation.

LOL, i was playing. i know how to handles my wimmens.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I know they'll be black which is why I'm concerned. I, as a white woman, am on the outside of what they'll experience, so my advice for them can only go so far. At this point, I'm just sharing with y'all my experiences and concerns as a white woman in an ongoing interracial relationship.

tell them to ask their dad.

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by teena

You have to remember, this is why children have two parents.

Exactly. I also think that you can't be afraid to reach out when you need help. There are forums like this that cater to African American mothers. Don't be afraid to join and say that you are the white mother of a child that is half black, that your child is experiencing X, and you want to know how to deal with it. Just recently in the parenting forum at nappturality.com a white woman with two daughters adopted from Haiti posted some questions about hair. She was embraced with open online arms, and still posts from time to time.

[teena]

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

Exactly. I also think that you can't be afraid to reach out when you need help. There are forums like this that cater to African American mothers. Don't be afraid to join and say that you are the white mother of a child that is half black, that your child is experiencing X, and you want to know how to deal with it. Just recently in the parenting forum at nappturality.com a white woman with two daughters adopted from Haiti posted some questions about hair. She was embraced with open online arms, and still posts from time to time.

I would also hope that she has close AA female friends in her support system . Websites are nice for information. But nothing beats a face to face friend.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by teena

I would also hope that she has close AA female friends in her support system . Websites are nice for information. But nothing beats a face to face friend.

There's one woman, in particular, I love like my own heart. She posts around here sometimes. My closest relationships are with women in Theta Nu Xi. I draw strength and encouragement from them and many of them are my constant advisors and mentors. So, the network is there, but I deeply wish I had a mother or mother-in-law to turn to. You can't beat that.

[Little32]

Is your husband's family supportive?

[teena]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

There's one woman, in particular, I love like my own heart. She posts around here sometimes. My closest relationships are with women in Theta Nu Xi. I draw strength and encouragement from them and many of them are my constant advisors and mentors. So, the network is there, but I deeply wish I had a mother or mother-in-law to turn to. You can't beat that.

I get what you are saying. Older wisdom is priceless though.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by Little32

Is your husband's family supportive?

Those family members who are close to him are supportive. As he is an only child and his parents are both deceased, our greatest support comes from his elderly aunt. She's a source of prayer and wisdom for us. It's that old wisdom too...the kind that makes you think. She had some things to say before we got married - mostly about the age gap and sometimes not so good.

As I mentioned, my husband is older than I am, so his close family members are also older/elderly. We haven't been married very long, so I'm still working out how those relationships will be best established and honed.

Right now we're in a difficult circumstance being that we're both far from home and have no family in the area. Once we move back south, those family connections will be energized.

[Munchkin03]

Jeni, it sounds like you have a great support system going on right now, with more to come as you return to the South. You're very lucky in that regard. I feel like a lot of biracial kids suffer from "ABF Syndrome," which could either mean Absent Black Father or Absent Black Family. It's sad, but there are so many young white women who have children with black men without really understanding that these kids are going to be perceived as black, and WILL need a support system. Not only is your husband around, but you seem to have friends and family members that can provide additional role models. Yay!

I am close to a family where the mother is white and the father black. However, their dad took an early stance with the kids that they were black first, and would be perceived as such. He's a great, strong role model for them, which so many biracial kids don't have! So sad...

[Ronnie B]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

@Ronnie, I am warning you this one time... You DO NOT call ANY WOMAN out her name here on GC, especially on the AKA Ave. We will take punitive actions if you continue your actions. Use a different word or change your conceptual understanding, I would prefer you to use a male GC mentor--DeltaAlum or Prettyboy who comes to mind right now...

But I ain't done nothin' though.

?????

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

Sweetie, now are you being obstinate or do you really NOT understand? I do not think that is what most people are saying (in bolded)--what they are saying is that these men prey on some types of women for baseless reasons and are derogatory and bigoted to the women in their same group...

It is one thing that a man sees a woman and is physically attracted to her, gets to know her more and decides he likes being around her and wants to get to know her more in a dating capacity and the man happens to be Black and the woman happens to be White...

It is another thing that this same Black man says that ALL BLACK WOMEN are bitches and that he hates them because they are not {insert derogatory comment here}--so he going to date anything BUT BLACK... That is what we are talking about... That is ALL we are discussing...

The conclusions we all have come to is:

• That these men are idiots.
• They are one less person to think about at Christmastime.

And we have sort of moved on to the kids that result from these liaisons and their self-esteems, which is a very real personal issue for me...

It says nothing about your situation. If you have found a young man that enjoys your company and treats you respectfully and he happens to be Black, I wish you all the best in your relationship.

But, after discussing a variety of topics with you, I really think you can benefit from reading and educating yourself with references rather than solely relying on this young man for his culture. So that when you encounter that awkwardness, you are better prepared when you communicate with your loved ones. Hey, you can take it or leave my advice. Besides, how come you desire cluelessness? Do you have anything we all need to know?

And if your "boyfriend" is telling you not to interact with Black women, I am here to tell you that is full of shit and EFF that... You had better make some Sistahfriends and not the bootylicious subculture--because hayle no, that is not it... You know what I am talking about... Let me know, because we can assist you in what to say and do...


Now with that said, I have something for you in the News and Views thread!!!

No, I'm not being stubborn at all. I just don't see what the big deal is. Yes, I know what they're talking about. They're talking about black men who only date white women because of their own insecurities. I wouldn't get involved with any guy like that, no matter what race he is. I think at 1st glance though some people automatically form a racist opinion about a black guy if he's with a white woman. If they're a couple of the same race, then their isn't a problem. I don't even think it's a problem if a black guy is with an asian woman or another race, as long as she isn't white.

AKA_Monet, expanding my knowledge is always of interest to me. So I'll read what you want me to read. I honstly don't think it's necessary to do so and I know I won't agree with it, but I'll read whatever it is you want me to read.

My boyfriend, rather white or black, is neither here or there because that's not what's important. I'm not posting on this thread because of the guy I've taken interest in. I'm posting here because I don't agree with some of the opinions that have been posted.

AKA_Monet, I wouldn't get involved with anyone romantically or on a friendship level who tells me who I can or can't interact with. lol lol lol @ the "bootylicious" comment. I just moved here not too long ago to go to vet school, so I don't have a lot of friends here if any at all, but I always pick and choose my friends carefully. I don't get involved in friendships based on race, so as far as meeting "sister friends" is concerned, I don't have a problem with that, but I wouldn't share any of my romantic business with an outsider. Black or white. I think anyone who tries to tell someone else not to interact with a particular group of people is very shallow and prejudice. I think intelligent people who have a strong personal motivation to be nonprejudiced tend to harbor less implicit bias towards other groups. Some people who are good at using logic and willpower to control their more primitive urges, exhibit less implicit bias.

Which thread are you referring to in the news and views forum?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

Stealing a line from a bad movie I saw once..."Are you being deliberately dense?" I honestly think you have zero desire to become more educated about the issue and just want to ask a bunch of questions that you THINK you already know the answer to. I don't hate you, I really don't, so please don't think that. I just think you might not be the brightest crayon in the box.

I don't think I'm being dense, and I don't ask questions I don't already have the right answer to. No one said anyone hated anyone. Maybe I'm not that knowledgeable on this subject, but I refuse to let outsiders determine who I decide to have a love life with. I honestly think when you see a black guy with a white woman in a relationship, you don't give him the benefit of the doubt unless you know him on a personal level. I think at the first look of seeing an interracial couple that you don't know (a black man and a white woman) you automatically start having negative thoughts in your mind. Like "Why is he with her?" or "He's one of those guys who thinks white women are better." You seem to link the two together as a bad thing and because associated concepts are essentially linked together in a person's mind, a person would be faster to respond to a related pair of concepts and in your case a black man and a white woman. Personally, I think this is a form of self interest, and self interest often shores up implicit biases. It's basically to bolster our own status. We are predisposed to ascribe superior characteristics to the groups to which we belong, or in groups, and to exaggerate differences between our own groups and outsiders. I think your basic visual perceptions on interracial relationships are totally skewed.

ETA: You also seem to hold strong emotions with interracial relationships (black and white) and some implicit biases appear to be rooted in strong emotions. Deep within our subconscious, all of us harbor biases, but the problem arises when we act on them. This is also something we can overcome since this is all based on brain activity.