Cutting the umbilical cord

[SOPi_Jawbreaker]

How old were you when you left home? I went off to college at 18 but I still came home for all the breaks (summer, winter, spring, Thanksgiving). I was kinda spoiled in that I didn't have to work during college. My parents gave me money for rent, utilities, groceries, etc. It wasn't until graduating and getting my first post-college job that I felt like I was truly living on my own (paying my own rent, utilities, groceries, etc.).

What was probably one of the biggest challenges that you had when living on your own? Juggling school and work? paying bills? room mates? Since I'm still kinda starting out in the working world, I've been working temporary/contract positions. Both jobs I've had so far were ended earlier than expected (because of restructuring/decrease business need). I had a really tough time finding my first job out of college. And when that job ended, I was really panicky about being able to find a new job and about having bills to pay and not having money coming in. It took about a month of job searching and interviews with 5 companies before I got an offer. I took that first offer (pay wasn't great and the work wasn't quite what I wanted to be doing but the benefits were good), but sometimes I think I should have passed on that offer and waited to see if I could find something better. This second time around, I'm more confident in myself and more confident that if I pass on an opportunity that doesn't meet what I'm looking for that I will, with a little patience, find a position that fits me. So I think one of my biggest challenges has been knowing my self-worth and believing in my self-worth.

How has the experience made you feel thus far? What would you change about it? I don't think I would change anything. I feel like everything that happens/has happened in my life helps shape me and helps me grow. I'm lucky that I'm able to live on my own but also have family and friends nearby when I need them, like when my car breaks down.

What advice would you give to a parent faced with the prospect of a child that has to leave the nest? It may be hard to watch your child make choices that you think are a mistake, but you have to let them live their lives. You can arm them with knowledge, wisdom, advice, etc. But ultimately, you have to let them make their own choices. Maybe they might actually surprise you by knowing what's right for their own lives. Maybe not. And if not, you just have to try to be there for them. But sheltering them from the world and trying to choreograph their entire lives isn't going to protect them. It's just going to do them harm in the end.

Under what circumstances would you let your child return home or you would give them help? I would let my future child return home for school breaks and to save money post-graduation, if he/she has a job and has a reasonable timeframe for moving out and is able to stick to that timeframe.

Which do you think is harder to cope with: a daughter learning to live on her own or a son facing the same thing? I think it would be harder with a daughter. I know it's a double standard but I think I would fear more for a daughter's safety than a son's safety. But maybe that will change when I actually have kids. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up having a daughter who's physically tougher and stronger than her brother and more capable to taking care of herself (like being able to fix cars and being able to fix stuff around the house).