How to help PNMs who don't get first choice?

[AOII Angel]

I think the vast majority of women who get their second choice are okay and no one ever knows they didn't suicide their chapter! Only on occasion does a PNM become despondant over getting her second choice, and in my experience it's people who thought they had an "in" with the chapter. I've told this story before...we had a NM who came down our hall crying her eyes out because Phi Mu didn't give her a bid as a double legacy. Oh boo hoo. I pulled her aside and said, very bluntly, "Stop the crying. I understand you are hurt and confused, but there is no changing that you didn't get a bid to Phi Mu. If you keep acting this way, you are going to ruin any chances that you will ever fit in with the group that actually wants you. Dry your eyes, wash your face and put on a big smile. Enjoy today, and you can figure out tomorrow what you're going to do. Just don't ruin today for the girls that are excited to be here!" She stopped crying and did what I said. Her major issue was shock and a feeling that she failed her bio sisters who were Phi Mu's from another chapter. Her mother had actually redecorated her room at home in pink and lions! Her sisters were extremely supportive and told her that they were happy she was an AOII. They even sent her a basket of red AOII items. She is a great AOII to this day. Some people just are not able to hide their emotions well.