Military Spouses, Parents and Families

[SthrnZeta]

Oh I'm well aware that deployments aren't easy, as I've done it before. BUT, he doesn't plan to stay in, so luckily this may be the last. I understand what you're saying about a POA and it makes sense. I'm not sure he'll go for it though, but at the same time if he's trusting me enough to put me on title and not the loan (his credit is better so we got a better rate without me on there) then perrhaps he might. We've also discussed how we're taking title and have decided on Joint Tenancy in the event anything happens to him, the house would go to me per the right of survivorship, rather than to his estate if it were tenancy in common - seemed only fair to both of us since I'll be the one putting equity into the house.

With the way we've been talking, it's as if we're engaged already, if it weren't for it bothering him that other people believe us to be (listing agent of the house, lender, etc.) than I would be led to believe that he also feels that way. I think he's just scared to end up like so many other soldiers who have gotten screwed over by their significant other back at home and it's a totally valid fear. At the same time, I need to know I'm waiting for something and I'm trying to believe that this house thing is enough. But why make comments about we'll have two incomes when I'm back, and our next house we'll use my VA on and rent this one out as an investment property, etc. if you're not going to propose now - it seems only natural to me.

And as much as I want to say I'd be fine without a ring - I wouldn't be. When you tell people you're engaged, people wanna see the ring. And besides, having that little something to look down at when you're down would be a nice little reminder for yourself, a token to give you strength and be patient for his return. Frivolous? Maybe? Do I still want it? Yes.

[scbelle]

Well, you dated a deployed soldier before... and broke up, so you didn't finish the deployment. Now, the deployments are 15 months (thanks, Pentagon!). From what I've read, this relationship you have now is much more serious, so the deployment will be that much worse. It's one thing to date a guy, but quite another to be in love with one in harm's way. What I was advocating, because you already had said that the first deployment was tough, was to see how this one went before any long-term commitments were made. If you feel like you can't take the strain of the deployment and want out, then maybe this guy isn't the guy for you. What you do have going for your situation is that your guy says he's leaving the service. But he's going Guard, so there will be no guarantees that this will be his only deployment. There won't be any guarantees even if he doesn't go Guard, as I'm guessing he has a commission through ROTC, in which case his actual term of service is 8 years. He'll go into IRR, and I know people who have been called up from that to go back to Iraq. I really hope that none of this happens to y'all.

But I don't fault you at all for wanting/needing a ring. Many women do, and that's just fine. Me personally, I'm glad I waited because for our 2nd anniversary (our first he was in Korea), he got me my engagement ring, and it's a beauty!

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by scbelle

Well, you dated a deployed soldier before... and broke up, so you didn't finish the deployment.

To clarify, I waited out the entire deployment, all 7 months of it, and we broke up the day he got back. So yes, I did finish the deployment. I was there at Green Ramp at Fort Bragg, dressed up, with my big poster to welcome him home, only to drive back up to school in Northern VA a few hours later. Yeah, my senior year of college sucked but I honestly thought we were meant to be. I'm glad we weren't though, or I wouldn't be with the wonderful man I'm with now