Quote:
Originally Posted by IsobelS
Ever since we broke up our friendship she has been out to get me. She is really manipulative and she lies about me behind my back to my other sisters. She also tries to sabotage anything I do including things that affect the sorority in a major way (one time she told me she hated me and would do anything to hurt me even if it hurt the sorority). She somehow pretty much turned a lot of my friends against me!
But the worst thing about it is that i feel like she is destroying our sorority. She was in a leadership position and made some really bad decisions but somehow no one seemed to notice. (like I said she is really manipulative of other people and she is a control freak) She tried to blame alot of the stuff on me. She is hurting my beloved sorority and I can't stop it!
I have tried everything to make up with her but she flat out refuses even after several years. I can't even talk to other sisters because she has them so brainwashed that some of them don't even know there is a problem. She just says these horrible things behind my back like she will go to someone and say, "Isobel is usually so nice, but it really makes me sad when she talks about how fat you are behind your back. She is always making fun of you. I wish she wouldn't say those things" even though I never said it, she is just trying to make everyone hate me by preying on their insecurities!!!
So now i don't know what to do. Should I go to the meeting because I love the sorority and my sisters or should I just try to avoid it and not look back? The only reason I would not go is because of this person. She makes me really miserable and I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack when I think about being in the same room with her.
My husband and mom said not to go. They said, "you have graduated now, you should not have to worry about her or anything that has to do with her." But like I said I really love the sorority and my sisters so much that it hurts me to feel like I am abandoning them when they need me.
Should I suck it up and go, but sacrifice my mental health and happiness for the sorority, even though alot of them don't treat me right because of this person? Or is it time to just let go, give up, and move on... not looking back? It's like that saying being "stuck between a rock and a hard place". 
Thanks everybody.
- Isobel |
OMG!
Been there!!!
I know exactly what you're dealing with and it's utterly miserable. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.
At least I had the advantage of being in a national organization so I'm still an active alumna while living thousands of miles away from my personal Psycho. Since you're a member of a local sorority, I would say stay and fight for it! Don't let her take something away from you that you obviously trully love.
That said, there's a right way and a wrong way to fight for it. You've gotten a lot of good advice. I made a lot of mistakes when I was going through this so I'll tell you what worked and what made things worse. Here's my 8 step plan to get you through this:
#1 -
Stop the insanity. Like 33girl said, stop all communication with Psycho immediately! She can't be reasoned with and it will only make you more upset. Eventually, she will begin to personify your sorority; you don't want this. So try to decide right now that she no longer exists. (I know that's not easy but stick with me, there's more to the plan.)
#2 -
Cleanse yourself (and your computer). When I first started having problems with my Psycho, I kept all my emails from her as proof that I could offer up in my defense. I started pleading with people to open their eyes and see the truth about her. It did NOT work.
The people who believe you don't need the proof. The ones against you aren't going to be convinced even if it's in black and white. I have no idea why but it just works that way.
What worked? Deleting the emails -- all of them. You have no idea how much better I felt once all remnants of Psycho were gone. They were useless anyway. Trust me.
#3 -
Make amends, where possible. If there are sisters who are on the fence and think you might have said bad things about them behind their backs, go to them individually and
very calmly tell them that what they heard was untrue. Apologize for the unpleasantness and for their hurt feelings (yes, even though it wasn't your fault). Do NOT go off about Psycho to them.
#4 -
Stop pleading your case. When I was going through this, the more I tried to show people what was really going on, the more everyone thought that
I was the psycho. I realized much too late that by participating in the drama I was making myself look worse and bringing the sorority down with me.
If you have ideas to share at the meeting, share them calmly. Again, like 33girl said, don't refer to Psycho's ideas. Don't argue against her publicly. This will be difficult but hang in there.
#5 -
Keep your eyes on the prize. If Psycho has convinced people that her way is best then there's not much you can do to change their minds....
yet. You might have to let mistakes be made. This can be heartbreaking, but eventually, they'll see that she was wrong. By then you'll be in a position to offer better suggestions.
Your goal is to maintain your ties with the sorority and see that it flourishes. You can only do this if you stay involved. Your suggestions might not be heeded right now but in the long run you'll win out if you keep a cool head.
If you try to fight Psycho publicly you'll only end up dividing the sorority. (In my own situation it got to be an all-out war. It was ugly and I'll always regret having played a part in those dark days.)
#6 -
Maintain your dignity. We've all heard that actions speak louder than words and it's true. If you are a kind, reliable, honest, dedicated sister, they will eventually see that Psycho is lying about you. Don't let her insanity infect you. Present yourself in a mature manner at all times.
#7 -
Allow some cooling off time. You do need to take care of yourself and taking some time off will be helpful. However, if you want to remain active in the sorority in the future, you'll need to set the stage for it.
There's drama going on right now. If you go to the meeting and argue with Psycho, divide the sorority, and carry on, then your future there is pretty much over. Even if you eventually went back, it would be, "oh no, the drama queen is back."
If, on the other hand, you go to the meeting and make amends, maintain your dignity, refrain from arguing with Psycho and dividing the sorority, then you can take your much-needed break. When you return, they'll be happy to see you.
#8 -
Have faith in the future. Many have said it and it's true; if this girl is as psychotic as she sounds, others will eventually realize it. You don't have to do a thing but sit back and watch her self-destruct. There will come a time when she is no longer trusted or even welcomed.
My personal Psycho had become a national officer (which I think is what set her off on a huge power trip to begin with) and it absolutely killed me. I was certain she would destroy my sorority. Well, 2 years have passed and her name is no longer on the list of officers, she doesn't appear in pictures, she's virtually disappeared. I don't know for sure what's happened to her and I don't care to find out. I have to believe, though, that people started to catch on to what kind of person she really is and that was her downfall.
I hope you'll give all of this some thought. I know how hard it is especially since there is no quick-fix. Just hang in there. If you need to rant, please feel free to PM me.
I wish you all the best, Isobel.
Leslie Anne
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