Gifts that hurt your feelings

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

I ask because I just celebrated my one-year anniversary with my boyfriend. I spent a lot of time finding the perfect gift for him, only to find that he bought me a sweatshirt that was WAY too big and was under $20. We tried to take it back to get one that was the right size, but they didn't even have one that fit me. I know it's silly, because it's just stuff, but it really hurt my feelings because he bought it the day of and didn't think about what I would like at all. I don't want to tell him and hurt HIS feelings, either. Ugh.Advice?

In his defense, let's remember he's a guy. And guys, please don't take offense at that, I actually mean that in as positive a way as possible.

I am married to the most wonderful man, he is thoughtful (in his own, male, ways) and loves me very much, and has bought me some of the crappiest gifts under the sun. With love. Depending on the situation, I've just accepted it with a smile and an "oh, thank you, honey."

But there have been times where he really missed something big and, in the interests of our continuing to talk to each other, I sucked it up and approached him about it. And it turned out he needed me to tell him because he just didn't "get it". So the one time he just forgot to even get a card, he figured getting it late wouldn't have done any good, he thought he'd already totally blown it. I had to tell him that I operate on the "better late than never" scale. And one time when his gift was just so "out there" but he honestly thought I would like it, we had to talk about how I appreciate any time he thinks of me, but if he'd rather just ask before buying something rather than thinking he needs to surprise me, that would be better. And that made him more comfortable and I've gotten less crap.

So if you think this is a long-term relationship, I recommend you talk to him. You'll have to learn how to really talk to each other to make things work; if you can't tell him what you do and don't like, frankly, your relationship isn't going to make it anyway.