Need advice... she's making my life hell!

IsobelS · #1 11-26-2007, 04:51 PM

Thanks for your comments LPI!

I have really tried everything I could possibly do to talk things out with this girl. I've written her letters and emails and talked to her face to face on several occassions. I have even apologized for things I didn't even do just to try to work something out. I just wish the other sisters could hear the cruel things she says to me when no one is around.

I really don't want it to affect the sorority, but she will just stop at nothing. Even our new members in the past AND some people who were rushing noticed the problem, but the older members dismiss it because she has them wrapped around her little finger.

That is part of why I don't want to go... she refuses to let me be productive in the sorority. Everything I do she just twists it and makes it a bad thing. For example, we were both PM at one point. I was PM for one semester but the next semester I went on to be treasurer and she was PM for two semesters after me. I recruited three times the number of girls she did with less people to help me. But somehow she has convinced everyone that I was terrible at recruiting, so no one listens to my ideas anymore. She has got them all thinking that I know nothing about recruiting even though I had one of our biggest pledge classes ever!

So I can't even express my opinions to help the sorority, and i am made to feel dumb when point out the ways she is hurting the sorority (like how she doesn't want to allow girls who are friends to rush, or she wants Bigs/littles to be complete opposites on everything so they can "make different friends") It feel like it is impossible for me to be an asset in this situation because she shoots me down constantly and tries to make me look bad in front of everyone, so i can't even help them at all. It doesn't mtter WHAT I say... I could say the sky is blue and she would argue it to death.

I agree with you 100% but I don't feel like I'm the one letting my personal life interfere with the sorority matters. I have tried really hard to put things aside and work things out with her, I have even begged her to just think about the sorority first, but she will not stop. Her goal is to make me quit the sorority and she will stop at nothing.

If it is hurting the sorority for me to be around (since she always argues and attacks me regardless of what I am saying or doing doing), wouldn't it just be better for them and me to stay away?

LPIDelta · #2 11-26-2007, 04:59 PM

If it were me, I would not let her win. But its up to you.

33girl · #3 11-26-2007, 05:13 PM

If this other sister is also an alum, she has NO business making decisions about who to rush or how bigs & littles should be picked. I know that locals often let alums have a bit more say in collegiate chapter operations than NPC groups do, but the things she's advocating are WAY over the top. (Not to mention completely contradictory to most basic rush/operations practices.)

I had a similar falling out with a sister who was one of my best friends and this is really a time when you have to put it aside and keep on plugging because it's for the sorority. LPIDelta is right, eventually others will wake up and see her true colors...I've seen it happen and it really DOES happen, even if you think it never will. Not only that, there might be other people who feel that way about her, but if you just knuckle under and let her win they'll feel like they are wrong.

Don't try to "work things out." How could you ever trust this person again? You don't need to say more to her than hi or hello. The friendship is dead. Let it go. Stop apologizing, stop emailing, stop letter writing. In your world, she doesn't exist any longer. Don't say "well I think the big/little idea that Psycho had is stupid" - just present your own idea, without referring to hers.

Also - make sure that other people know that you and this girl are NOT on speaking terms, and that anything that comes out of her mouth about you (especially saying that you said this or that) should not be believed. If there's anyone who you think has changed their opinion of you because of what she's said, go to them now and set things straight.

adpiucf · #4 11-26-2007, 05:22 PM

My advice is to skip this meeting. Continue to speak positively of your sorority, but put your involvement on the back burner for a few years. This person you don't like may move or her influence may fade away in time, allowing you to get re-acquainted with the organization. You should not have to expend time or effort where it is unappreciated or where you are made to feel unwelcome. It is one thing to make a life-long pledge to a sisterhood, but you have extended the olive branch and it has been rejected. Why subject yourself to more of it?

If you are just going to die if you can't help out, talk about your concerns with some of the alumnae association officers. They may be able to find a way for you to assist in a manner that will allow you minimal contact with this person, as well as allowing you to interact with other sisters you can become friends with.

Bottom line --> there's no sense making yourself miserable or giving your time where it is clearly unwanted or unappreciated. Find another activity.

ladygreek · #5 11-26-2007, 06:00 PM

I would go. Your absence would give her the opportunity to spread more lies about you.

OleMissGlitter · #6 11-29-2007, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladygreek

I would go. Your absence would give her the opportunity to spread more lies about you.

Agreed, it's very hard for someone to gossip about you if you are in the same room as they are.

ealymc · #7 11-30-2007, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OleMissGlitter

Agreed, it's very hard for someone to gossip about you if you are in the same room as they are.

Unless they literally have no conscience, which could be likely with this crazy one!

couggirl · #8 11-28-2007, 11:16 PM

Emails don't always work when trying to get a restraining order. I had a problem with this woman from church who decided she had some right to control my life. She would do crazy things like show up at mt place and yell profanities through the door. After a while she started to email me. I thought that I finally had some proff that she was mentally unstable, but noone (at least where I live) could have cared about the emails. now she was not threatening me. I just started deleating whatever she sent me and finally had to change my email and move.

What worked? She found me at my new place and did not like that i did not tell her where i moved to, since if she did not know where I lived she could not control me. Well, what finally got the police involved? HER!!! My roommates new the story behind this woman and when she started comming to my new place my roommies would be like Couggirl who? oh yeah she doesn't live here anymore. Then she finally called the police and reported to them that I had been sold into SEX Slavery by my roommies. The police came and so did she. She started yelling at the police officer that he had to make me see her. Police was like NO i don't, she is an adult and doesn't have to see you. Finally I got someone to listen to me and got a retraining order.

Moral of Story: Be strong and patient and this girl will cause problems in her own life, but it might take a while for others too see.

Sorry for the long story and i wish you the best of luck. Couggirl

ealymc · #9 11-29-2007, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by couggirl

Emails don't always work when trying to get a restraining order. I had a problem with this woman from church who decided she had some right to control my life. She would do crazy things like show up at mt place and yell profanities through the door. After a while she started to email me. I thought that I finally had some proff that she was mentally unstable, but noone (at least where I live) could have cared about the emails. now she was not threatening me. I just started deleating whatever she sent me and finally had to change my email and move.

What worked? She found me at my new place and did not like that i did not tell her where i moved to, since if she did not know where I lived she could not control me. Well, what finally got the police involved? HER!!! My roommates new the story behind this woman and when she started comming to my new place my roommies would be like Couggirl who? oh yeah she doesn't live here anymore. Then she finally called the police and reported to them that I had been sold into SEX Slavery by my roommies. The police came and so did she. She started yelling at the police officer that he had to make me see her. Police was like NO i don't, she is an adult and doesn't have to see you. Finally I got someone to listen to me and got a retraining order.

Moral of Story: Be strong and patient and this girl will cause problems in her own life, but it might take a while for others too see.

Sorry for the long story and i wish you the best of luck. Couggirl

Wow. I do NOT envy you!

ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl · #10 11-29-2007, 04:02 PM

This happens sometimes, and you know what? I strongly believe people will come around. Eventually, she'll make a mistake, and what and who she REALLY is will start to show through. The problem with manipulators is that they will eventually spin so many webs that they'll start to forget what lie they told to who. And when it happens, things will unravel for her very quickly. It might not happen right now or even in the near future, but it'll happen.

In the meantime, if you ALWAYS do the right thing and ALWAYS take the high road, even though it's hard, she'll have no ammunition against you. There will be some sheeple in every organization, but your more astute members will be able to see through her and put two and two together. If you're the kind of person who is above reproach, her character assasinations will do no good whatsoever.