Worst Wedding You've Ever Attended

[FSUZeta]

my husband and i attended a family wedding a few weekends ago. they were not able to hold the ceremony in their home church because their minister told them that it was church policy to not have weddings on saturdays, because they could not get the church ready for services the next day. they booked another church which was way too small for the guest list. people actually had to stand in the back.

when the usher asked if we were to be seated on the brides or grooms side, i told him "bride" and that we were family, so he walked us to the third row from the front, which was marked as a family pew. i saw my cousin and her family in that pew, but it appeared that someone was trying to save the other half of the pew, because there was a tissue box, a hymnal, a Bible and a camera bag strewn across the cushion. my cousin wasn't holding the seats for anyone and invited us to sit down. a little later a woman, man and darling twin girls came and sat down in the "reserved seats". i didn't know them-neither did my cousin(who, by the way is the brides aunt). shortly another woman came up, glared at us and said loudly to the man(her husband) "i had saved 5 seats for us." i started to say that we were family and were supposed to sit there, but the womans husband pulled her down in the seat. they were not family!

we sit for a while, anticipating that the wedding will begin shortly when we see this woman dressed in a black pantsuit sort of skulking down the aisle. when she reaches the end of the aisle, she whips around and we all see she is holding a sheet of notebook paper, on which she has scribbled the message,"turn off cell phones", she them proceeds back up the aisle pausing at each pew and brandishing her message at us all. she does this not once, but twice!

the wedding is lovely. bride is beautiful, dress is beautiful. skirt is very wide. after the part where the minister asks who gives this woman in marriage, the bride and the groom start to walk up these narrow, narrow steps to the altar-i envisioned one or both of them falling off those steps, but somehow they managed it and the ceremony went off without a hitch.

the reception is held outside at the home of the groom's sister, which is on the banks of a river. there is a dock leading out to a boat shelter and my husband wants to walk out the the end of the dock. i feel like i owe him, so off we go. we get about half way out and begin to hear yelling from the shore-we figure that it is just someone hallooing someone else across the yard and proceed to the end of the dock, stand there a few minutes admiring the view and then turn around to start back. we see the cell phone sign lady waving her arms at us and she begins to run out on the dock toward us. she meets us about half way, and informs us that no one is supposed to be one the dock, for at least 30 minutes. we apologize and say that there was no sign or barrier telling us not to walk on the dock, so then she says, "you know, you're right. how about you 2 stand here(we had reached dry land again) and keep everyone off the dock?" it turns out the bride and groom are going to arrive via boat and they do not want anyone on the dock so they can make a grand entrance. so we got to be the gate keepers, shooing anyone who dared try to stroll down the dock. next, the cell phone sign lady shows up with a bag of sand, votive candles and paper bags. you got it, she is going to make luminerias to line the dock. right now. at the reception, which is in full swing. she enlists some of the servers and us and we get an assembly line going. it turns out that this woman is the reception coordinator. has a heart of gold, but is brash in her manner. tacky, tacky!

now realize that all this time we have had nothing to eat because we have been shanghaied to do this womans bidding. we have had 2 watered down diet pepsis, which were so watered down we ended up dumping them out. can't get near the alcohol, once we are released from dock duty. can't get near the food, either. got to speak briefly with my cousin and my aunt(the brides mother and grandmother) but of course did not tell them of the adventures we'd been having. we ended up leaving shortly after the bride and groom arrived, and ate dinner at the cracker barrel next to our hotel, in our wedding finery!

[NutBrnHair]

Too funny, FSUZeta. Ya can't make this stuff up --

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

they were not able to hold the ceremony in their home church because their minister told them that it was church policy to not have weddings on saturdays, because they could not get the church ready for services the next day.

Great story!

But what church doesn't do weddings on Saturday?! At least around here, 90% of weddings are on Saturday.

[FSUZeta]

it was a baptist church, but it was that particular church. i have been to plenty of weddings in baptist churches on saturdays-mornings, afternoons and nights.

as my husband pointed out, unless the reception is being held in the church social hall, what's to clean up? and as most churches ask for a nominal fee, where does that go, if not to pay the church warden/janitor?

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

it was a baptist church, but it was that particular church. i have been to plenty of weddings in baptist churches on saturdays-mornings, afternoons and nights.

as my husband pointed out, unless the reception is being held in the church social hall, what's to clean up? and as most churches ask for a nominal fee, where does that go, if not to pay the church warden/janitor?

I always thought weddings were money maker for a church. However a church near my in-laws doesn't allow weddings in the main sanctuary-they are held in the atrium instead. Not that I would want to be married in the sanctuary since it looks more like a basketball arena than a church.

Which reminds me of a former co-worker's wedding. He was married in a church that has steps going down the main isle. Well, here comes his bride down the steps in her really wide dress. About half way down the steps the inevitable happens. She bites it- luckily her Dad was able to keep half of her upright. Well, then she starts crying about how embarassed she is- so the minister lets her try it again. So the wedding starts over again- including all the bridesmaids and flower girls walking in again.

Then at the reception they served us fried chicken, green beans, and mashed potatoes catered in by Grandy's (a local fast food place similar to KFC).

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

I always thought weddings were money maker for a church.

Except for a few "popular wedding churches" in big cities, I've never known of a church that charges anything more than the cost of paying the sexton the extra hours, a nominal charge to cover utilities or the like. Often, those charges will be will be waived if the bride or groom (or the family of either) is a member of the church. Separate arrangements usually have to be made with the organist or other musicians.

But then, I'm also used to churches where it is made very clear that the wedding is a service of worship, not The Bride (and Groom) Show, and that have very strict rules on flowers, music and the like.

[APhi Sailorgirl]

Ok, here it goes. I mentioned the "wedding" I attended yesterday in the christmas gifts thread, so here's the story. Let me also state that these people will be family in less than a year since my boyfriend and I got engaged 2 weeks ago.

Ok so I get back from my cruise on Friday to find out that yes, we know what church to go and what time. Wow, well at least we know two days before the wedding instead of the day before. I mean these people couldn't even send out an evite so we know what is up? Then the attire question is asked. Fiance says, he doesn't think guys will be wearing suits. What?? This is still a wedding, whether it's the 5th btwn the two of them or not. So we find out Sat night that no, guys aren't wearing suits. I ask, is the groom, my fiance can't answer that.

And wedding day is here. We pull up, I'm overdressed. I am wearing a navy blue dress with white polka dots, a white cardigan and navy blue low wedges. AND I'M OVERDRESSED!! The groom does have on a suit and the bride wore a tasteful cream suit (white white hose, but hey, I'll take what I can get).

The kids all look like they rolled out of bed, but with 5 combined, I guess just having them dressed is a blessing. The ceremony starts. Apparently no one told people where to sit. We have bride people on the groom side, groom people on the bride's side and the kids run back and forth in the front row during the ceremony. The bride actually cries during the ceremony (which is ironic to me, she's done this 2 other times, she's got it down.)

Ah the reception, we head over to their new we-can't-afford-this-but-we-bought-it-to-look-classy house for the "reception." We are all supposed to sit outside under a tent. WHAT?? It's November. It's cold and windy! For food they have frozen shrimp, ham sandwiches (helloo, what if eating pork is against your religion?) meatballs, chicken nuggets, fruit and crackers and dip. Not too bad, if you don't mind sharing with the 50 other people. I don't think they ran out of food, but I didn't chance going back. Then the cake. They actually had a wedding cake. Unfortunately you could see the cake through the icing and it tasted like cardboard. Oh and did I mention that the kids and groom have all changed into jeans at this point? Yep they're running around the backyard kicking balls and throwing toys.

The funniest part was the bride looks at the tent and goes "Oh where where will I and husband sit?" Helloo, you don't have enough seating for everyone? And I thoroughly enjoyed the CD on the boom box that kept being repeated over and over. Thankfully no one danced and it was just background.

Oh and they ran out of soda. Lots of beer, some wine, but no water, no punch, and no soda. You all have 5 kids and no regular drinks?

But hey, there wasn't a riot, they're married and come next October they'll be my brother and sister in-law.

[FSUZeta]

good one!! now i'll have to cruise over to the christmas present thread to see what you decided to do.