Possible Thread: What to Do if You're Released from Recruitment

[AChiOhSnap]

This is my brutally honest advice. It's not very nice; it's blunt and it's not sugarcoated. However it IS based off of lots of experience personally dealing with disappointed PNMs, and based on some themes that have been especially prevalent on GC this recruitment season. I think its important for people to hear this straight instead of some of the sugary feel-good BS that people have shoveled to disappointed PNMs since the beginning of time. Here goes:

Handle the rejection gracefully:

It's absolutely fine to be disappointed if you've been released from recruitment. It's even fine to cry. It's crushing to really really want something for a whole summer or longer and have it not play out. Seriously, grab a tub of Ben & Jerry's (or a sheetcake, depending on how much of an emotional binge eater you are) and a movie and feel sorry for yourself for a day or two.

But get over it ASAP. I don't mean that you have to stop feeling bad, but stop dwelling on the rejection publicly. The longer you act like a dejected loser, or the longer you whine about how mean the sororities are for cutting you, the more unflattering assumptions people will make about your personal character.

I know this thread is about PNMs that are released from recruitment, but I've always wanted to say this, and I think I will while we're on the subject: If you got INTO a sorority, but just not the one you wanted, don't cry about it to your new sisters on Bid Night. It's unimaginably immature, rude, and hurtful. Just depledge like a normal person and don't drag other excited actives and pledge classmates down with you. If decide you're going to give the runner up sorority a good old "college try", keep your mouth shut about how bad you really wanted to be an XYZ.

Be honest with yourself:

If you've been dropped from recruitment, was it because YOU cut a lot of the chapters initially or because you had an unrealistic "XYZ or bust" mentality? I'm pretty sure a solid majority of PNMs believe they "belong" in Phi Beta Popular, but most probably don't. On campuses with solidly stratified Greek Life, there are far more "lower tier" chapters than top tier chapters -- there simply aren't enough spaces for everyone to get in the "top" four or five sororities.

And you know what? At the end of the day, the "lesser" chapters stay open, meet or exceed quota every year, win Greek Week, have amazing sisterhoods with great parties, and nobody sits around crying because they don't have Phi Beta Popular letters embroidered on their Vera Bradley tote. So suck it up, be honest with yourself, and move on.

Complete PNM freakshows are relatively rare, and I simply DON'T believe that all of our unsuccessful GC PNMs this season were completely socially incompetent enough to have had such brutally unfair recruitments, as we've been led to believe. I think more often than not, PNMs don't "play the game" right or aim only for the top-tier sororities and end up disappointed. I know it hurts to get cut by all the "popular" sororities, but be realistic. If you're an average looking brunette with average grades, average activities, an average bank account and average clothes (no matter what your mom says), you didn't stand a chance at getting a bid to the sorority that only takes beautiful blonde 4.0 pre-med beauty pageant humanitarians from the wealthiest suburb in the state. You've been kidding yourself if you thought otherwise.

Try, try again?:

COB can be a fantastic option for PNMs who had unsuccessful formal recruitments, and I highly recommend it, if you can have a mature and graceful perspective on the process. This means swallowing your pride -- go back to chapters that dropped you, or that you dropped after the first night! Yes, as MANY as you can....even the lower tier chapters.

No, they don't hate you. No, the chapter is not going to talk about what a desperate loser you are for showing up after you were one of 500 PNMs they dropped after the first night. Show grace, poise, and a general willingness to "wipe the slate clean." Drop all the notions you developed about sororities during formal recruitment. I've often said this but PNMs AND chapters are allowed to shine during COB in ways that they can't during 15min FR parties. Try to see the chapter with new eyes; they're most likely returning the favor in spending more time to get to know YOU.

If rerushing or COBing, don't make the same dumb mistakes:

If you've been cut by every chapter once during FR, don't KEEP setting yourself up for disappointment. Figure out what you've done wrong and what you can do better. Ask your most brutally honest friend to help you out. Do you talk too much? Are you a bad listener? Do you nervously laugh at inappropriate times? Is your voice too loud, or are you so shy that you come across as having the conversation skills of a mouse? Are your clothes smelly? Has some girl in your hall shit-talked about you to a bunch of sorority members because you slept with her boyfriend? Finding out what you did wrong or how you can improve can better inform your strategy for how you'll conduct yourself during rerushing or COB parties.

And for the love of god, DON'T just go to one COB party for the highest tiered chapter holding COB.

Don't hate on Greek Life

Becoming anti-sorority in the wake of being released from FR just makes you look like you've got a raging case of the jealousy virus. Sour grapes are never attractive. If XYZ dropped you, talking crap about them does not help you "save face," it just makes you look juvenile. If you realize sorority life isn't for you after all, then that's great! Move on with your life and don't dwell on the disappointments.

Moving on:

Get involved with clubs, meet people (how do you think re-rushers have successful second recruitments? THEY GOT OUT AND MET SORORITY WOMEN!), put your money where your mouth is about how much you loooooove philanthropy and volunteer for non-sorority philanthropic efforts on campus, study hard, pick your major, start a workout plan, do some research with a professor, get a boyfriend, get a job.... keep your life busy and you'll be that much more comfortable in your own skin. Maybe you'll even decide you're having so much fun at college that the idea of a sorority loses its appeal. Maybe you'll want to be in one even more.

The bottom line is that YOU and ONLY YOU are responsible for your happiness in a given situation. Life doesn't stop because you got dropped from sorority recruitment, and college is not going to suck just because you didn't get a bid the first time you rushed. Life is what you make of it, so dry your tears and get back in the game. Rejection can only make you stronger, and this is not the last time you'll ever be this disappointed. Think of this experience as a class in the School of Life, and allow yourself to learn from it instead of fighting it.

[AlexMack]

Major snaps to AChiOhSnap for that amazing post. Maybe we should sticky that. And add a thing in about how none of us know why you got cut so stop asking and stop calling the sorority women who cut your daughter bitches.

[adpiucf]

Quantitative Factors vs. "Soft Factors"
Sororities have a limited number of open seat to offer in a new member class. They will seek to fill these with the women whom they feel present themselves as the strongest candidates.

The strongest candidates (at most campuses) will be composed of:
1) Freshmen (and possibly Sophomores, depending on the school)
2) With Top GPA's
3) and Sorority Recommendations

Soft Factors for consideration (where Grades/Recs/Class rank are equal to the other PNMs) include (in no particular order):
A Great Personality,
Legacy Status,
Extracurriculars,
The Wow Factor (truly extraordinary talents or accomplishments)

When the Top 3 factors are weak or nonexistent, the soft factors matter a lot less. Soft Factors will almost never mitigate lower grades, lack of recs, etc.

Rush Early, Not Often
There is a law of diminishing returns with respect to when you rush. Freshmen have the greatest chances of being bidded. Plus, the more times you rush, the lesser your chances. You are meeting roughly the same women in the same sororities over an over again, with some variable (often insignificant) factors.

If you have been denied your Top Choice one or more times, ask yourself why you are re-rushing. Have you changed so drastically in one year? And if so, why? Is that change truly to your benefit or something you have done in an effort to be accepted? And if so, are you being true to who you really are?

Why There is No Feedback on Why You Were Cut
There are no "make-ups" or opportunities to learn why you did not "make the cut" at a particular sorority. The sororities are not required to discuss this with you nor will they make an exception and discuss this matter with you.

Sorority membership selection is privileged information known only by the collegiate members who are actually performing the selection. Alumnae and members at other colleges have no information regarding specifics to your recruitment.

If you are cut by a sorority, you have no alternative other than to accept it and move on. Period.

Why You Should not Cut Yourself From Recruitment
You have everything to gain and nothing to lose by staying in recruitment through preferentials. In addition, by taking a bid, you have a 5-8 week opportunity to observe the sorority and get to know all of the members in more normal circumstances as a trial period before committing to lifetime membership. If the experience is really not worth the effort, at least you can say with certainty that you did try.

Alternatives for Women Released From Recruitment
If you truly maximized your opportunities, attended all the parties you were invited to and STILL were not offered a sorority bid, you will have fewer options following formal recruitment but it is still possible to join a sorority.

Investigate COB opportunities by contacting the Office of Greek Life (or equivalent) at your college. As with formal recruitment, it is not a guarantee you will receive a sorority bid through COB. But if you want to join a sorority, this is the best way to exhaust your options.

If formal recruitment and COB do not work out for you, you should accept that sorority life is not a good fit for you at this university, and move on with your life. This adjustment or realization may be particularly
hard, and you should do what you feel is necessary to get on with your life.

Sorority Women WorldWide Have Nothing to Do With Your/Child's Cuts
Sorority women will attest that being a member of a sorority has enriched their lives and brought them great friendships. But sorority women will also attest that the experience of being at college and being involved with the university on several levels (not just Greek Life) has brought them this same satisfaction.

Please don't hate or ridicule sorority life or the particular chapter that did not offer you membership. It accomplishes nothing.

Please be encouraged, whether or not you join a sorority, to find a niche for yourself at your university. Your goal as a college student is to challenge yourself and your mind in furtherance of your career goals and personal growth. This can be accomplished in many, many ways. Sorority life is just one, and an activity worth looking into. But there are many ways to find personal happiness and satisfaction at your university. Leave no stone unturned. Good luck to all!

[UGAalum94]

Great post! What more could be said?

[skylark]

This is an echo of DeltaBetaBoy's post, but I think that there should be a reminder that at the most competitive schools, the girls spend about all day doing the parties and stay up sometimes into the wee hours discussing which girls to invite back. A lot of times, if few members have strong feelings yay or nay about a girl, a girl might only get discussed for a minute or two so it is not like the entire chapter made the concerted and deliberate attempt to keep you (or your daughter) out of their organization. Maybe you (or your daughter) looked a little tired that day by the time you got to XYZ's organization and because of that she was less than memorable to the actives around her. A lot of actives are trying to remember the names and faces of about 20 girls a day -- a feat challenging on a good day. Who knows, but it isn't as if the girls are able or have time to do a line by line recount of a conversation they had with you (or your daughter) and deconstruct from it what kind of person you are.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

At a big recruitment, if you don't match and then choose to COB, you really DO have a clean slate. Unless there is some blatant reason why you did not get a bid (grades, no-rec from an alum), the actives very likely do not even remember you, or why you were released. If you were truly a girl who "slipped through the cracks", they will be thrilled to have a second opportunity to meet you.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

There are no "make-ups" or opportunities to learn why you did not "make the cut" at a particular sorority. The sororities are not required to discuss this with you nor will they make an exception and discuss this matter with you.

Sorority membership selection is privileged information known only by the collegiate members who are actually performing the selection. Alumnae and members at other colleges have no information regarding specifics to your recruitment.

If you are cut by a sorority, you have no alternative other than to accept it and move on. Period.

I want to reiterate this quote from earlier in the thread. I couldn't tell you how many friends and relatives of PNMs go on the warpath after recruitment, looking for reasons why the PNMs were cut. It rarely works because the sororities are going to circle the wagons.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by carnation

I want to reiterate this quote from earlier in the thread. I couldn't tell you how many friends and relatives of PNMs go on the warpath after recruitment, looking for reasons why the PNMs were cut. It rarely works because the sororities are going to circle the wagons.

Yes.

And I know it's hard, but folks need to RESIST the urge to call the chapter houses to question recruitment results. Most of the time, you just end up unloading on whichever poor active sister just happened to walk past it.

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Yes.

And I know it's hard, but folks need to RESIST the urge to call the chapter houses to question recruitment results. Most of the time, you just end up unloading on whichever poor active sister just happened to walk past it.

When my mom was chapter president back in the dark ages (the drinking age was still 18 in Vermont!!), her younger sister went through recruitment at the University of New Hampshire and attended Preference round but did not receive a bid afterwards. She was called and offered a snap bid from a chapter she went to Pref with but she figured that they only wanted her for numbers if she hadn't matched with them in the first place, so she declined it. My mom told me she called the UNH Panhellenic president shouting and crying that her baby sister should have gotten a bid, because she would have been good enough to join ADPi if she'd gone through at UVM. It's just never a good idea, even if one's heart is in the right place.

Sidenote: I don't think it's even possible to "call" a chapter anymore and yell at a sister. We don't have a dedicated landline number for anyone to contact us with, instead listing emails as contact points on our chapter website. Maybe the inevitable march of technology has produced one good thing by insulating innocent sisters from angry family members and rec writers.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

This is my brutally honest advice. It's not very nice; it's blunt and it's not sugarcoated. However it IS based off of lots of experience personally dealing with disappointed PNMs, and based on some themes that have been especially prevalent on GC this recruitment season. I think its important for people to hear this straight instead of some of the sugary feel-good BS that people have shoveled to disappointed PNMs since the beginning of time. Here goes:

Handle the rejection gracefully:

It's absolutely fine to be disappointed if you've been released from recruitment. It's even fine to cry. It's crushing to really really want something for a whole summer or longer and have it not play out. Seriously, grab a tub of Ben & Jerry's (or a sheetcake, depending on how much of an emotional binge eater you are) and a movie and feel sorry for yourself for a day or two.

But get over it ASAP. I don't mean that you have to stop feeling bad, but stop dwelling on the rejection publicly. The longer you act like a dejected loser, or the longer you whine about how mean the sororities are for cutting you, the more unflattering assumptions people will make about your personal character.

I know this thread is about PNMs that are released from recruitment, but I've always wanted to say this, and I think I will while we're on the subject: If you got INTO a sorority, but just not the one you wanted, don't cry about it to your new sisters on Bid Night. It's unimaginably immature, rude, and hurtful. Just depledge like a normal person and don't drag other excited actives and pledge classmates down with you. If decide you're going to give the runner up sorority a good old "college try", keep your mouth shut about how bad you really wanted to be an XYZ.

Be honest with yourself:

If you've been dropped from recruitment, was it because YOU cut a lot of the chapters initially or because you had an unrealistic "XYZ or bust" mentality? I'm pretty sure a solid majority of PNMs believe they "belong" in Phi Beta Popular, but most probably don't. On campuses with solidly stratified Greek Life, there are far more "lower tier" chapters than top tier chapters -- there simply aren't enough spaces for everyone to get in the "top" four or five sororities.

And you know what? At the end of the day, the "lesser" chapters stay open, meet or exceed quota every year, win Greek Week, have amazing sisterhoods with great parties, and nobody sits around crying because they don't have Phi Beta Popular letters embroidered on their Vera Bradley tote. So suck it up, be honest with yourself, and move on.

Complete PNM freakshows are relatively rare, and I simply DON'T believe that all of our unsuccessful GC PNMs this season were completely socially incompetent enough to have had such brutally unfair recruitments, as we've been led to believe. I think more often than not, PNMs don't "play the game" right or aim only for the top-tier sororities and end up disappointed. I know it hurts to get cut by all the "popular" sororities, but be realistic. If you're an average looking brunette with average grades, average activities, an average bank account and average clothes (no matter what your mom says), you didn't stand a chance at getting a bid to the sorority that only takes beautiful blonde 4.0 pre-med beauty pageant humanitarians from the wealthiest suburb in the state. You've been kidding yourself if you thought otherwise.

Try, try again?:

COB can be a fantastic option for PNMs who had unsuccessful formal recruitments, and I highly recommend it, if you can have a mature and graceful perspective on the process. This means swallowing your pride -- go back to chapters that dropped you, or that you dropped after the first night! Yes, as MANY as you can....even the lower tier chapters.

No, they don't hate you. No, the chapter is not going to talk about what a desperate loser you are for showing up after you were one of 500 PNMs they dropped after the first night. Show grace, poise, and a general willingness to "wipe the slate clean." Drop all the notions you developed about sororities during formal recruitment. I've often said this but PNMs AND chapters are allowed to shine during COB in ways that they can't during 15min FR parties. Try to see the chapter with new eyes; they're most likely returning the favor in spending more time to get to know YOU.

If rerushing or COBing, don't make the same dumb mistakes:

If you've been cut by every chapter once during FR, don't KEEP setting yourself up for disappointment. Figure out what you've done wrong and what you can do better. Ask your most brutally honest friend to help you out. Do you talk too much? Are you a bad listener? Do you nervously laugh at inappropriate times? Is your voice too loud, or are you so shy that you come across as having the conversation skills of a mouse? Are your clothes smelly? Has some girl in your hall shit-talked about you to a bunch of sorority members because you slept with her boyfriend? Finding out what you did wrong or how you can improve can better inform your strategy for how you'll conduct yourself during rerushing or COB parties.

And for the love of god, DON'T just go to one COB party for the highest tiered chapter holding COB.

Don't hate on Greek Life

Becoming anti-sorority in the wake of being released from FR just makes you look like you've got a raging case of the jealousy virus. Sour grapes are never attractive. If XYZ dropped you, talking crap about them does not help you "save face," it just makes you look juvenile. If you realize sorority life isn't for you after all, then that's great! Move on with your life and don't dwell on the disappointments.

Moving on:

Get involved with clubs, meet people (how do you think re-rushers have successful second recruitments? THEY GOT OUT AND MET SORORITY WOMEN!), put your money where your mouth is about how much you loooooove philanthropy and volunteer for non-sorority philanthropic efforts on campus, study hard, pick your major, start a workout plan, do some research with a professor, get a boyfriend, get a job.... keep your life busy and you'll be that much more comfortable in your own skin. Maybe you'll even decide you're having so much fun at college that the idea of a sorority loses its appeal. Maybe you'll want to be in one even more.

The bottom line is that YOU and ONLY YOU are responsible for your happiness in a given situation. Life doesn't stop because you got dropped from sorority recruitment, and college is not going to suck just because you didn't get a bid the first time you rushed. Life is what you make of it, so dry your tears and get back in the game. Rejection can only make you stronger, and this is not the last time you'll ever be this disappointed. Think of this experience as a class in the School of Life, and allow yourself to learn from it instead of fighting it.

Well said!

[KSUViolet06]

Bumping for the season.

There's good advice in the entire thread for those who wind up being released from recruitment/not getting a bid, but the best advice is here:

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

This is my brutally honest advice. It's not very nice; it's blunt and it's not sugarcoated. However it IS based off of lots of experience personally dealing with disappointed PNMs, and based on some themes that have been especially prevalent on GC this recruitment season. I think its important for people to hear this straight instead of some of the sugary feel-good BS that people have shoveled to disappointed PNMs since the beginning of time. Here goes:

Handle the rejection gracefully:

It's absolutely fine to be disappointed if you've been released from recruitment. It's even fine to cry. It's crushing to really really want something for a whole summer or longer and have it not play out. Seriously, grab a tub of Ben & Jerry's (or a sheetcake, depending on how much of an emotional binge eater you are) and a movie and feel sorry for yourself for a day or two.

But get over it ASAP. I don't mean that you have to stop feeling bad, but stop dwelling on the rejection publicly. The longer you act like a dejected loser, or the longer you whine about how mean the sororities are for cutting you, the more unflattering assumptions people will make about your personal character.

I know this thread is about PNMs that are released from recruitment, but I've always wanted to say this, and I think I will while we're on the subject: If you got INTO a sorority, but just not the one you wanted, don't cry about it to your new sisters on Bid Night. It's unimaginably immature, rude, and hurtful. Just depledge like a normal person and don't drag other excited actives and pledge classmates down with you. If decide you're going to give the runner up sorority a good old "college try", keep your mouth shut about how bad you really wanted to be an XYZ.

Be honest with yourself:

If you've been dropped from recruitment, was it because YOU cut a lot of the chapters initially or because you had an unrealistic "XYZ or bust" mentality? I'm pretty sure a solid majority of PNMs believe they "belong" in Phi Beta Popular, but most probably don't. On campuses with solidly stratified Greek Life, there are far more "lower tier" chapters than top tier chapters -- there simply aren't enough spaces for everyone to get in the "top" four or five sororities.

And you know what? At the end of the day, the "lesser" chapters stay open, meet or exceed quota every year, win Greek Week, have amazing sisterhoods with great parties, and nobody sits around crying because they don't have Phi Beta Popular letters embroidered on their Vera Bradley tote. So suck it up, be honest with yourself, and move on.

Complete PNM freakshows are relatively rare, and I simply DON'T believe that all of our unsuccessful GC PNMs this season were completely socially incompetent enough to have had such brutally unfair recruitments, as we've been led to believe. I think more often than not, PNMs don't "play the game" right or aim only for the top-tier sororities and end up disappointed. I know it hurts to get cut by all the "popular" sororities, but be realistic. If you're an average looking brunette with average grades, average activities, an average bank account and average clothes (no matter what your mom says), you didn't stand a chance at getting a bid to the sorority that only takes beautiful blonde 4.0 pre-med beauty pageant humanitarians from the wealthiest suburb in the state. You've been kidding yourself if you thought otherwise.

Try, try again?:

COB can be a fantastic option for PNMs who had unsuccessful formal recruitments, and I highly recommend it, if you can have a mature and graceful perspective on the process. This means swallowing your pride -- go back to chapters that dropped you, or that you dropped after the first night! Yes, as MANY as you can....even the lower tier chapters.

No, they don't hate you. No, the chapter is not going to talk about what a desperate loser you are for showing up after you were one of 500 PNMs they dropped after the first night. Show grace, poise, and a general willingness to "wipe the slate clean." Drop all the notions you developed about sororities during formal recruitment. I've often said this but PNMs AND chapters are allowed to shine during COB in ways that they can't during 15min FR parties. Try to see the chapter with new eyes; they're most likely returning the favor in spending more time to get to know YOU.

If rerushing or COBing, don't make the same dumb mistakes:

If you've been cut by every chapter once during FR, don't KEEP setting yourself up for disappointment. Figure out what you've done wrong and what you can do better. Ask your most brutally honest friend to help you out. Do you talk too much? Are you a bad listener? Do you nervously laugh at inappropriate times? Is your voice too loud, or are you so shy that you come across as having the conversation skills of a mouse? Are your clothes smelly? Has some girl in your hall shit-talked about you to a bunch of sorority members because you slept with her boyfriend? Finding out what you did wrong or how you can improve can better inform your strategy for how you'll conduct yourself during rerushing or COB parties.

And for the love of god, DON'T just go to one COB party for the highest tiered chapter holding COB.

Don't hate on Greek Life

Becoming anti-sorority in the wake of being released from FR just makes you look like you've got a raging case of the jealousy virus. Sour grapes are never attractive. If XYZ dropped you, talking crap about them does not help you "save face," it just makes you look juvenile. If you realize sorority life isn't for you after all, then that's great! Move on with your life and don't dwell on the disappointments.

Moving on:

Get involved with clubs, meet people (how do you think re-rushers have successful second recruitments? THEY GOT OUT AND MET SORORITY WOMEN!), put your money where your mouth is about how much you loooooove philanthropy and volunteer for non-sorority philanthropic efforts on campus, study hard, pick your major, start a workout plan, do some research with a professor, get a boyfriend, get a job.... keep your life busy and you'll be that much more comfortable in your own skin. Maybe you'll even decide you're having so much fun at college that the idea of a sorority loses its appeal. Maybe you'll want to be in one even more.

The bottom line is that YOU and ONLY YOU are responsible for your happiness in a given situation. Life doesn't stop because you got dropped from sorority recruitment, and college is not going to suck just because you didn't get a bid the first time you rushed. Life is what you make of it, so dry your tears and get back in the game. Rejection can only make you stronger, and this is not the last time you'll ever be this disappointed. Think of this experience as a class in the School of Life, and allow yourself to learn from it instead of fighting it.