I need help to try and stop my mom from harrassing me about my fraternity

SnuKnight172 · #1 08-07-2007, 11:06 PM

I love when parents, or other people for that matter, say that we are paying for our friends. Personally, I have always paid for my friends (now I know your jaws all just hit the floor. Pick them up and roll your tongues back in your mouth). Since I was 4 years old I have played baseball (you can substitute football, basketball, hockey, etc... what ever fits you) and guess what? Baseball, etc... Cost money. The friendships I made through baseball are about 1/2 as important in my life as my fraternity brothers yet they are still friendships. So I guess I paid for my friends, during my childhood as well.

Now we are all praised for going to college/university and yet again we have to take out our check books, our credit cards, student loans, grants, scholarships, money out of mommy and daddy's pocket, etc... Guess what that all means anyone you meet in college, often times this will include your future spouse and the mother/father of your parents grand-kids, is a paid for friend.

When you move on to the professional world, again you are presented with the challenge of buying your friends. We all paid for the knowledge that we have now that got us into the careers that we now cherish. So again our friends were paid for.

Think about it people, nearly every person (outside of family members) that we associate with are paid for.

My advice to you is to be honest with your mother tell her how much the fraternity means to you and where you can benefit the fraternity and where the fraternity can benefit you. Tell her that you aren't paying for friends and that life is to short for you and her to argue over these things.

Your mother not paying for your education is not the end of the world. You can do it without her there are grants and loans out there that can help you meet ends meet and trust me the repayments of the loans are not that bad.

violetpretty · #2 08-07-2007, 11:15 PM

So I take it you didn't make a 3.4? You said that you and her both agreed that you would have to pay for everything IF you didn't get a 3.4.

RutgersPIKE · #3 08-07-2007, 11:24 PM

yea i got a 3.0 but that was due to an ex girlfriend not pledging, but she was nice enough to say that due to those circumstances, NEXT semester i gotta get a 3.4, see she loves me haha

RutgersPIKE · #4 08-07-2007, 11:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SnuKnight172

I love when parents, or other people for that matter, say that we are paying for our friends. Personally, I have always paid for my friends (now I know your jaws all just hit the floor. Pick them up and roll your tongues back in your mouth). Since I was 4 years old I have played baseball (you can substitute football, basketball, hockey, etc... what ever fits you) and guess what? Baseball, etc... Cost money. The friendships I made through baseball are about 1/2 as important in my life as my fraternity brothers yet they are still friendships. So I guess I paid for my friends, during my childhood as well.

Now we are all praised for going to college/university and yet again we have to take out our check books, our credit cards, student loans, grants, scholarships, money out of mommy and daddy's pocket, etc... Guess what that all means anyone you meet in college, often times this will include your future spouse and the mother/father of your parents grand-kids, is a paid for friend.

When you move on to the professional world, again you are presented with the challenge of buying your friends. We all paid for the knowledge that we have now that got us into the careers that we now cherish. So again our friends were paid for.

Think about it people, nearly every person (outside of family members) that we associate with are paid for.

My advice to you is to be honest with your mother tell her how much the fraternity means to you and where you can benefit the fraternity and where the fraternity can benefit you. Tell her that you aren't paying for friends and that life is to short for you and her to argue over these things.

Your mother not paying for your education is not the end of the world. You can do it without her there are grants and loans out there that can help you meet ends meet and trust me the repayments of the loans are not that bad.

wow i never thought of that at all about the paying for the friends, but i have explained to my mom how much it means to me, but she thinks i should of gotten my grades in check first and that i could still of had friends without pledging a fraternity (little does she know exactly what this bond means)

LPIDelta · #5 08-07-2007, 11:31 PM

It sounds like she loves you and even though she may not agree with your decision, she isn't so dead set against it that she would pull her support...otherwise when you got the 3.0, she would have blamed the fraternity no matter what else happened. I am going to guess that she doesn't like it, but she's not going to do anything too drastic. Likely, it will just take time for her to see the changes in you and benefits...

That said, you need to keep those grades up anyway--- for you, for her and for the fraternity! Good luck!

RutgersPIKE · #6 08-07-2007, 11:35 PM

yea i know

i let other things affect my schoolwork, oh well arent you allowed one semester in your college life to screw up? this will be the last time that happens

AlethiaSi · #7 08-07-2007, 11:58 PM

Definitely listen/ do everything that AKA_Monet and others have said, they are great ideas, and there are a lot of parents AND greeks on here, so they can give you a great perspective.

It IS hard when parents are against something that you love so much. My parents DID NOT understand why I put everything I had into my sorority. They know that I'm social and have a lot of friends, etc, but I almost always went above and beyond the call of duty (sometimes to the detriment of health, sanity and grades

).
My dad came and visited me my senior year, and actually stayed at my sorority house and absolutely loved my sisters, and even though he shook his head at me from time to time, he understood. My mom didn't come to visit me while I was in the sorority until I graduated. She met my sisters, hung out, etc and fell in love too. She also has a greater understanding of the benefits of the sorority because she is the VP of her teacher's union. She now understands what the cost is for the success of the organization as a whole. I am such a stronger person and a leader, rather than a follower, and I credit that to the sorority.

My point is, invite her to visit the house, meet your brothers, and hopefully she'll understand that it isn't about partying, it's SO much more than that. (community service, philanthropy, leadership training, connections, and brotherhood, etc

)
GOOD LUCK!!!

OSU Maman · #8 08-08-2007, 08:31 AM

I'm confused. How does an ex-gf not pledging have something to do with you getting a 3.0 and not a 3.4?

scarleteriberry · #9 08-08-2007, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OSU Maman

I'm confused. How does an ex-gf not pledging have something to do with you getting a 3.0 and not a 3.4?

I think he meant that the ex-girlfriend affected his grades; pledging did not. Not "my ex-girlfriend didn't pledge, so I only got a 3.0." Right?

Zillini · #10 08-08-2007, 09:41 AM

You've said you are the first in your family to go to college so obviously you're the first to go Greek. It sounds like she's caught up with all the negative Animal House stereotypes that are out there. Do you or better still your mom know any Greek alums? Regardless of the fraternity or sorority. Perhaps if she talked to someone else besides you she might better understand what being Greek really means and how it can benefit you your whole life. An alum has "been there, done that" and learned the true value of being Greek including lifelong brother/sisterhood, leadership skills, the importance of community service and above all scholastic achievement.

RutgersPIKE · #11 08-08-2007, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scarleteriberry

I think he meant that the ex-girlfriend affected his grades; pledging did not. Not "my ex-girlfriend didn't pledge, so I only got a 3.0." Right?

right sorry to make that confusing, i broke up with my ex of three years so i was depressed and let it affect my school, pledging did not affect my grades

BYXEagle · #12 08-08-2007, 02:21 PM

It also may have been your mom has done some research, but about the wrong chapters of your fraternity. Every national fraternity has good chapters and bad chapters. I don't know anything about your chapter, but I know at USM, Pikes are not popular by any means. They always fight with the other fraternities and many of them go on academic probation at the end of each semester,while Millsaps College Pikes are the best men on campus. You also might want to make sure that a situation like that is not going on where you mom has studied a little bit about your fraternity and only found stuff about the bad chapters. I agree with the idea of having a family day that would be a great opportunity to show her what it means to you.

Tom Earp · #13 08-08-2007, 02:47 PM

I take since only a Mom is mentioned, there is no Dad.

Moms are the most protective and worriesome of either of the two parents in life.

I have been the first to go to college in my total family and the only one to join a GLO. Neither were sure about this and I am sure worried.

Well, I left a Fraternity and started a local that later affiliated with a major Fraternity.

They would visit and got to know the Guys (Brothers) and were warmly welcomed and accepted by them.

The main problem may be the unkmow for Mom. Her little boy is on his own and is really worried about you.

Just try to not prove her wrong!

RutgersPIKE · #14 08-08-2007, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tom Earp

I take since only a Mom is mentioned, there is no Dad.

Moms are the most protective and worriesome of either of the two parents in life.

I have been the first to go to college in my total family and the only one to join a GLO. Neither were sure about this and I am sure worried.

Well, I left a Fraternity and started a local that later affiliated with a major Fraternity.

They would visit and got to know the Guys (Brothers) and were warmly welcomed and accepted by them.

The main problem may be the unkmow for Mom. Her little boy is on his own and is really worried about you.

Just try to not prove her wrong!

my dad was just pissed that i went behind their backs and pledged, but he said right away that it was my decision and i had to live with the affects of that decision, hes a real easy going guy

OSU Maman · #15 08-08-2007, 05:12 PM

"Maybe your chapter could have a "Parents Weekend" where you invite all the parents of the actives and pledges, have a nice barbecue or even a sit down banquet depending on your budget. You could do a slide show that shows your brotherhood and philanthropy. Maybe intercut it with clips of brothers talking about what Pike means to them.

Then you could do some sort of appreciation skit for the moms, grandmas, whoever else attends and give them a rose or whatever the fraternity flower is."

Wow. That is a great idea. I don't know if fraternities or sororities ever do something like this, but as a parent, I would love it.

RutgersPIKE, just remember to be honest with your parents. I always tell my daughter that I can accept just about anything she does, except for lying. It breaks that bond of trust.

I wish you the best and I hope you find a new girlfriend.