Alpha Phi dies of alcohol poisioning at SDSU

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I don't think I am.

If some kids in your son or daughter's high school were killed because they got into a car with a driver who'd been drinking, would you think it appropriate or inappropriate to use that event as an opportunity to talk with your own kid about drinking and driving?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

If some kids in your son or daughter's high school were killed because they got into a car with a driver who'd been drinking, would you think it appropriate or inappropriate to use that event as an opportunity to talk with your own kid about drinking and driving?

I'd let them mourn their friends. I'd let them see how upset their friends' parents and family were. That should be ample "opportunity."

Seriously, if my parents had ever said to me (because that situation did occur) "now don't drink and drive because you might end up dead like Rob did since he got in Steve's car" I probably would have smacked them across the face. They told me not to drink and drive because I could get myself or others killed. They didn't need to use another human being or his/her misfortune to do that. If parents can't convey the gravity of the situation to their kids on its own merits, they're pathetic.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Seriously, if my parents had ever said to me (because that situation did occur) "now don't drink and drive because you might end up dead like Rob did since he got in Steve's car" I probably would have smacked them across the face. They told me not to drink and drive because I could get myself or others killed. They didn't need to use another human being or his/her misfortune to do that. If parents can't convey the gravity of the situation to their kids on its own merits, they're pathetic.

Sorry, but that is pathetic. I also think that if I can't have a conversation with my kid when something like this happens, that too is pathetic.

I never said anything about hitting someone with a hammer over the head -- that's your inference apparently based on bad experiences. I didn't even mention lecturing, like "Don't you do this or you might end up dead, too." Again, your assumption based on what seems to be your history.

I'm talking about conversations with my kids or other kids I might have some relationship with, such as at church or scouts (or chapters). I'm talking about letting the kid talk to me, letting him or her know I'll listen. I'm talking about listening to my kid talk about peer pressure. I'm talking about making sure (again) they know that they can call me anytime of night and I'll come get them, without questions and without lectures.

Yes, I hope they get it without me having to say anything, but no way am I going to risk my children's safety by assuming that, especially since I remember all too well the feeling that "it will never happen to me" at that age. Obviously, the conversation will be different if I'm confident that they "get it," as you seem to have, than if I don't know if they "get it" or not. But there will be a conversation. Not a lecture, a conversation.

Let my kids get mad at me. Let 'em smack me across the face. I can take that. What I can't take is going to my son's, my daughter's, or any other parent's child's funeral, so I'll happily risk them getting mad at me.

It's not a matter of "using the misfortune of another human being" to make a point. It's a matter of using the good and bad experiences that life presents to have meaningful conversations with my children.