Cheating a different perspective . . .

[laylo]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

There's not really any doubt cheating is "wrong" - so is lying or misrepresenting your income on your taxes, but neither of those are 'deal-breakers' for relationships.

It seems bizarre that we use fidelity as a hyper-important aspect of a person's character, but will readily excuse other actions in a relationship that may show just as much negative light on that person's character.

In that regard, should we up the ante for other actions? Or have we turned our decades-long obsession with monogamy into a latent insecurity?

I don't see it as an aspect of someone's character, but a behavior that reflects other aspects including: Selfishness, hypocrisy (being willing to cheat on your partner when you'd be devastated if (s)he did it to you), lack of self-control, willingness to lie to your partner's face however many times is necessary to hide the act, keeping your partner in the dark about the terms of your relationship, and most importantly willingness to put his or her life in danger. There's also risking breaking his or her heart and making it incredibly difficult to restore trust. Not too many other actions require these kind of conditions or this many all rolled into one.

[RU OX Alum]

monoghamy, well marriage for that matter in genrenal, ins't really natural

it is wrong to hurt someone's feeling, but it's not wrong in and of itself

[laylo]

Originally Posted by RU OX Alum

monoghamy, well marriage for that matter in genrenal, ins't really natural

it is wrong to hurt someone's feeling, but it's not wrong in and of itself

If someone feels this way and therefore never agrees to a monogamous relationship, I can respect that. What I hate is when people use this to justify their hurting, deceiving, and risking the health and lives of their partners; and/or go around whining about how the situation they chose to commit to isn't natural while fully expecting fidelity from their partners.

[Sugar08]

Originally Posted by laylo

I don't see it as an aspect of someone's character, but a behavior that reflects other aspects including: Selfishness, hypocrisy (being willing to cheat on your partner when you'd be devastated if (s)he did it to you), lack of self-control, willingness to lie to your partner's face however many times is necessary to hide the act, keeping your partner in the dark about the terms of your relationship, and most importantly willingness to put his or her life in danger. There's also risking breaking his or her heart and making it incredibly difficult to restore trust. Not too many other actions require these kind of conditions or this many all rolled into one.

Soror, you hit the nail on the head. I think a lack of self-control is the side of cheating that bothers me the most... because it applies to almost everything we do. We're constantly being told to "do what makes you happy/what feels good," etc., while having self-control is waaaaaay down on the bottom of the list of positive attributes for which one generally looks. I think it's actually one of the most important.

Simply put, what feels good isn't always good, and what seems like a good idea at the time may become a disaster down the line. A person with self-control (not someone I can claim to be all the time ) knows this.

So, uh, yeah... cheating is bad. But not just because of the act, but because of what it says about the person cheating.

[Rudey]

If more American men beat their wives, there would be less cheating I bet.

-Rudey
--I'm just saying.