I understand how you are feeling, but kind of in a weird way.
1) my chapter of initiation was closed in May 05, so I completely understand your anger about that
2) I attempted to affiliate with the chapter at my new school, unfortunately it didn't work out and I had to go alum. I truly understand how awkward it is being made to go alum while you are still a collegian. I was so angry for a really long time too. But thankfully I graduated a year later and then I really got involved in the alum association. My difference is that fact that I was at a school where I had sisters who were active, yet I wasn't a member of their chapter. That was incredibly tough on me. Your kind of lucky (although it doesn't seem like it) in the regards that you don't have to deal with seeing your "active" sisters walk around in their letters and you don't "belong".
With that in mind, join the alum association (if there is a close and active one). No matter what, those sisters are going to be glad that you decided to remain involved!
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"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act despite our fears" John McCain
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt
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