How many dates?

[Scandia]

Well, he has not asked me out for a fourth date yet. I asked him to give me some time- he said "all the time in the world". He is not pressuring me- THANK GOD. I will try not to pressure myself.

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common. Not a perfect match- I would be lying if I said there were no negotiations- but certainly no red flags or even compromises. If he does want biological children for sure, I WILL have to let him go. But otherwise, I cannot think of anything else.

I am glad he said it would not change anything. And I told him that we would always be friends regardless, since that is what we are. He seemed to understand.

I do wish him the best, whether it happens or not.

[TrueBlueKappa]

Originally Posted by Scandia

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common. Not a perfect match- I would be lying if I said there were no negotiations- but certainly no red flags or even compromises.

You can't talk yourself into having feelings you don't have. Don't worry about your "type", red flags, and what a great person he may be. If there's no chemistry, then there's no chemistry. Plain and simple. No need to over-think things.

[UofISigKap]

Thank goodness for this thread. I just went out with someone new on Tuesday. The date was fine, conversation was fine, he was fine, everything was...fine. However, I felt guilty because although he's very nice, I just didn't feel anything for him and just see him as someone to hang out with. So, Scandia, I get what you're going though.

MTSUGURL, great advice!

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by Scandia

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common.

It sounds like what you're trying to decide right now is whether you should try to settle for this guy, because you think you might never find someone better. Only you can make that determination, but unless your biological clock is ticking and you want to start popping out the kids really soon (which isn't the case), I can't imagine why you'd even consider this kind of settling.

[33girl]

Stop saying he's your "type." It's something that will end with you in a crappy loveless marriage. Well, maybe I'm being dramatic, but still.

A lot of relationships and marriages eventually turn into friendships with no chemistry left - whether the 2 people involved can deal with that is up to them. Starting at that point is kind of like buying a bottle of 600 aspirin w/ a March expiration date on February 28.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally Posted by Scandia

Well, he has not asked me out for a fourth date yet. I asked him to give me some time- he said "all the time in the world". He is not pressuring me- THANK GOD. I will try not to pressure myself.

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common. Not a perfect match- I would be lying if I said there were no negotiations- but certainly no red flags or even compromises. If he does want biological children for sure, I WILL have to let him go. But otherwise, I cannot think of anything else.

I am glad he said it would not change anything. And I told him that we would always be friends regardless, since that is what we are. He seemed to understand.

I do wish him the best, whether it happens or not.

There are not very few good men left. That kind of thinking makes women get involved with a nice guy for whom they have no feelings because they fear they will not meet anyone better. That's not fair to you or to him. You cannot force yourself to feel attraction or chemistry for someone no matter how nice or cute he is.

Dating can and should be fun. I hope that you meet someone with whom you feel a connection and that the feeling is mutual. Until then, go out and have fun.