How many dates?

[Scandia]

You could say it was a blind date, since we had only seen each other's pics before meeting on the first date. We had been talking on MySpace for a couple months before meeting.

I did not feel butterflies upon first sight.

Nor am I feeling them yet, and I do not know if it is too late.

I have felt them before at first sight, but I do not think I did with the last guy I dated, with whom I did have very good chemistry but with whom there were compatibility issues.

Keep in mind I have not had the best of luck in romance.

[MTSUGURL]

Originally Posted by Scandia

Keep in mind I have not had the best of luck in romance.

It doesn't matter. If it isn't there, it isn't there. Don't drag it out just because you've had bad luck with your relationships in the past. It's better to be alone than with someone that you don't have feelings for. If you don't have butterflies, turn him loose so he can find a girl that does.

[Scandia]

MTSUGURL- Thank you so much. You do not know how much that means to me. And you are completely right about there being another girl who feels that for him. There is absolutely nothing wrong with him- we are just not meant for each other.

I hope to not hurt his feelings- but I cannot lie to him. After watching the movie today, IF he asks me out again and I am still not feeling anything, I will let him know that I have realized that we work best as friends and that he is wonderful and will find the right woman for him.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by Scandia

and will find the right woman for him.

Don't say that, that's patronizing. Just say that you work best as friends.

[Scandia]

We went on the third date.

He declared his feelings for me.

I told him I need some time, and I truly mean it. I could not give a definite YES or NO at the moment.

[blueangel]

A yes or no to what? Don't you find it a bit odd that any man would "declare feelings" on a third date?

He sounds needy.

[Scandia]

A yes or no regarding feeling the same way for him. A yes or no to whether to say that I wanted to be his girlfriend because he felt the same way for me.

And I do not find it odd. I am not very experienced with this. He said that "I enjoy being with you and I would like to see you some more. I cannot get you out of my mind, and when you were coming, my heart was beating fast".

One guy many years ago told me that at the end of the second date. True, we were friends who saw each other in school. And I could easily tell him "no", since he truly did not meet the requirements nor was I attracted to him. But this guy is MUCH different- and MUCH better.

Originally Posted by Scandia

We went on the third date.

He declared his feelings for me.

I told him I need some time, and I truly mean it. I could not give a definite YES or NO at the moment.

Wow, DTR on the third date. Scurry.

Originally Posted by blueangel

A yes or no to what? Don't you find it a bit odd that any man would "declare feelings" on a third date?

He sounds needy.

He should have just said "if you say no, tell me now so I can move on to someone who will say yes."

Scandia, it sounds like he doesn't want Ms. Right. He wants Ms. Right NOW.

[Scandia]

Well, if you want details, he did not say "I like you" (that guy of the other example did). He said "I have really enjoyed your company, and I would like to see more of you".

And when I asked him to say explicitly everything he wanted to say, because I was not particularly good/experienced with things like this (not to mention feelings), and he said that he could not get me out of his mind AND that when he was waiting for me and when I was coming, his heart was beating very fast.

Things that I am not feeling yet, but that there is nothing in him that would prevent them. No action or omission on his part.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by Scandia

And when I asked him to say explicitly everything he wanted to say, because I was not particularly good/experienced with things like this (not to mention feelings), and he said that he could not get me out of his mind AND that when he was waiting for me and when I was coming, his heart was beating very fast.

Things that I am not feeling yet, but that there is nothing in him that would prevent them. No action or omission on his part.

That's exactly it. Because there is nothing about his personality that would prevent you from having romantic feelings toward him, the fact that you haven't developed anything beyond platonic affection after three dates leads me to believe you should turn him loose.

If you remain friends and you develop feelings toward him in the future, then you can maybe explore those more at a later date. However, because he's declared his romantic feelings toward you -- that you do NOT share -- accepting any more dates from him would be stringing him along. It wouldn't be fair to him to accept his dates out of a sense of obligation to try to foster feelings you haven't already developed.

[Scandia]

Well, he has not asked me out for a fourth date yet. I asked him to give me some time- he said "all the time in the world". He is not pressuring me- THANK GOD. I will try not to pressure myself.

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common. Not a perfect match- I would be lying if I said there were no negotiations- but certainly no red flags or even compromises. If he does want biological children for sure, I WILL have to let him go. But otherwise, I cannot think of anything else.

I am glad he said it would not change anything. And I told him that we would always be friends regardless, since that is what we are. He seemed to understand.

I do wish him the best, whether it happens or not.

[TrueBlueKappa]

Originally Posted by Scandia

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common. Not a perfect match- I would be lying if I said there were no negotiations- but certainly no red flags or even compromises.

You can't talk yourself into having feelings you don't have. Don't worry about your "type", red flags, and what a great person he may be. If there's no chemistry, then there's no chemistry. Plain and simple. No need to over-think things.

[UofISigKap]

Thank goodness for this thread. I just went out with someone new on Tuesday. The date was fine, conversation was fine, he was fine, everything was...fine. However, I felt guilty because although he's very nice, I just didn't feel anything for him and just see him as someone to hang out with. So, Scandia, I get what you're going though.

MTSUGURL, great advice!

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by REE1993

I am a believer in "love at first site" or rather, "like at first site". If you don't feel, don't draw it out. Some people can make it work even if they hated each other at first. But I usually rely on my gut. That works best for me.

Yeah, you're right. I feel the same way. I'm really quiet especially when I 1st meet someone. I really have to like the girl and have a lot in common with her to get me talking. The biggest thing is, if she can make me laugh, then that's the 1st sign that I may want to continue to go out with her on more dates. I've dated women that I had nothing in common with. When I say nothing, I mean when we have gone out to eat it's so quiet that we can hear each other eating. Baaaaaaaaaaaaad date. For the most part, I know within the 1st 5 minutes of the date if I like her or not.

[southernelle25]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I would hang out with her as friends from the start, ...

Exactly. There has to be a certain "chemistry" for guy and I to even be friends. IF we can't communicate and have fun together at that point, then I hold no hope for the future.