Eliminating Bigs and Littles?

[33girl]

I believe KKG eliminated it, realized it was a horrible idea, and brought it back.

Getting rid of bigs and littles is ridiculous - brings us closer to being a club than a Greek organization - and any reasoning along the lines of "it gets rid of cliques" is completely asinine. Sororities are always going to have cliques within them, everyone just needs to deal with it. If it wasn't bigs/littles and families, it would be class standing or everyone who lives in the left wing of the house or something else. If the NPC doesn't want cliques, they need to change their expansion procedures so the houses don't get so huge that cliques are pretty much guaranteed.

[aopirose]

Another reason that I have heard mentioned for getting rid of the Big Sis/Lil Sis program doesn’t have anything to do with cliques. It has to do with spending. Some Bigs are in a position to go overboard spoiling their Littles with elaborate gifts. (I’m talking spending in excess of $1000.) That’s all well and good but it makes some initiates less inclined to be a Big if they cannot provide what others may be expecting. Setting spending limits per event does help to even things out but things can still get out of hand. A good solution that I have come across is that all Little Sister gifts are purchased and handed out by the chapter. An additional and more personal gift may be given for initiation but there is a spending cap. I believe that it can be a valuable program and affordability needn’t be a factor.

[adpiucf]

On paper it sounds like a great idea to refocus programs with the intention of eliminating cliques. In reality, it is human nature to bond with others and that is why cliques form within cliques. Heck, isn't that why we join sororities? Looking for a place to belong? And within that place to belong, you'll find another subset-- a clique.

ADPi's Diamond Sister program was formed with this intention. On paper, the Delta (initiated sister) sponsors the Alpha (new member) through her new member period as a personal mentor and guide to acclimate her to Greek Life and serve as her sponsor through ritual. All new member gifts, on paper, are to be budgeted through the chapter so that more women can serve in this sponsor role without assuming a financial burden. On paper, there are no "families" and the Diamond Sister relationship formally concludes with initiation.

It sounds great on paper, but in reality, ADPi's want Bigs and Littles like every other sorority. So you'll hear collegians referring to their sponsors as their "Big" or their "Big Diamond," there will be family cliques with "Grandlils" or "Grand Diamonds," and in my chapter there were even "adopted Diamonds" or "Cubic Zirconias" (if you ever see an ADPi sign a letter "CZ Love," they're adopted! LOL).

The Pride Program is a great concept-- rotating small groups to help members get to know one another better, serve on committees and support the chapter (IE. XYZ Pride takes on Task A, ABC Pride takes on Task B, etc...), but it's another system that really doesn't work well in practice when you have members who are already overprogrammed enough as it is with school, sorority and life. Getting together as a pride to bake cookies is sometimes just one more activity that can't be crammed in there-- it's like setting up a playgroup!

I think they're all great ideas on paper, but the execution needs to continue to evolve. I've no doubt it will.

Sororities need to continue their sponsor sister programs, but there should be more emphasis made on gift giving coming from the chapter and not the individual's pocket.

ETA: My chapter had a rule that any gift giving outside of a note or something small like a bag of candy or a little stuffed animal had to be given off sorority property. I think this helped discourage "keeping up with the Jones'" and getting carried away with gift-giving so that one new member didn't feel like she got stiffed in comparison to another. I think it was a good idea and that the alumnae directors who supervise sorority programming should continue keeping an eye on budgets and being mindful of the tradition of gift-giving. New member sponsors aren't going anywhere anytime soon: they have been an integral part of the new member period for far too long to disappear in a hurry.

[33girl]

I completely agree with a spending cap on things for littles. It's not supposed to be about presents, it's supposed to be about the relationship.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I completely agree with a spending cap on things for littles. It's not supposed to be about presents, it's supposed to be about the relationship.

We not only had caps...we had specified items that the bigs purchased/made for littles. I think it was good, because no one felt left out because their big didn't get them as much as someone else's big.

[lyrica9]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

ADPi's Diamond Sister program was formed with this intention. On paper, the Delta (initiated sister) sponsors the Alpha (new member) through her new member period as a personal mentor and guide to acclimate her to Greek Life and serve as her sponsor through ritual. All new member gifts, on paper, are to be budgeted through the chapter so that more women can serve in this sponsor role without assuming a financial burden. On paper, there are no "families" and the Diamond Sister relationship formally concludes with initiation.
......

The Pride Program is a great concept-- rotating small groups to help members get to know one another better, serve on committees and support the chapter (IE. XYZ Pride takes on Task A, ABC Pride takes on Task B, etc...), but it's another system that really doesn't work well in practice when you have members who are already overprogrammed enough as it is with school, sorority and life. Getting together as a pride to bake cookies is sometimes just one more activity that can't be crammed in there-- it's like setting up a playgroup!

mmk.. from what i remember the diamond sister relationship is to continue after initiation, but you're right that a lot of people call them bigs/littles (i myself now have a great-great-grand litte, ack!).

and about the pride system, while good in theory, doesn't really exist anymore. the new leadership program which started the class coordinators system seemed to replace prides, and we're now supposed to do things with those groups.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by lyrica9

mmk.. from what i remember the diamond sister relationship is to continue after initiation, but you're right that a lot of people call them bigs/littles (i myself now have a great-great-grand litte, ack!).

and about the pride system, while good in theory, doesn't really exist anymore. the new leadership program which started the class coordinators system seemed to replace prides, and we're now supposed to do things with those groups.

Adpiucf is correct that technically, the diamond sister relationship concludes at initiation - learned it at DLC two years ago from my DTD.

The pride and class coordinator systems are awesome in theory, but I was so unbelievably overprogrammed in college, I never had time to go to any events. And I was a very involved chapter member.

[sisterzip]

I dont think that elimanting Big/little would be a good idea. New members/ pledges need at least one sister they know they can always turn to. During the "last week" of my pledgeship it was my big sister that got me through. Big/little, Diamond sister It doesnt matter what its called. Unless we were calling them something degradig like "lil saves" I also dont see the point in changing the name.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by sisterzip

I also dont see the point in changing the name.

This is purely speculation on my part, but I assume the name change is simply because that's the current NPC trend. Rush is now recruitment, pledges are now new members, parties are called events, etc... I think our (I)HQs believe that it may seem more PC if names are changed to be more reflective of the specific sorority. Like ADPi's have Alpha/Delta members and Diamond Sisters; Sigma Kappa has Violet Sis; Tri Sigma has Pearl Pals; the list is endless.

But, like someone has previously said, even though sororities are unique, the women in them seem to want pretty much the same things. When I was VP-Pledge Ed, my Tri Sigma roommate was VP-New Member Education. On my campus, Sigma was the first org to use "New Member" instead of "Pledge", and those women WANTED to be called pledges. Probably just because all the other new members on campus were still being called pledges.

Like most others here, I think it would be a mistake for NPC to do away with the Big/Lil programs. While my Big's "responsibilities" ended upon my initiation, we're still extremely close. And, while I realize we might have developed this close bond without the Big/Lil program, it certainly helped start that bonding process. It would be a shame for that aspect of sisterhood to be lost.

[violetpretty]

My Sigma Kappa family is very close, and it would be a shame for others to miss out on this experience. In addition to big/little, new members have heart sisters (like a bid day buddy, often someone they met during recruitment), Senior Shadows (so that Seniors aren't put on a pedestal), and some chapters even have recent alumnae mentors. At our last formal, our seniors had sisters (non-Seniors) read them letters saying good bye to them at formal.

I would have to agree with 33girl, that large chapters are inevitably going to get cliquey. I personally think that the answer is more mentoring programs instead of fewer, because new members branch out to more women in the chapter. If there were no big-little programs, I think that sororities would only get cliquier (is that a word?) because they'd be more divided by new member class since they aren't branching out to the rest of the chapter.

[_Lisa_]

Originally Posted by JessSigKap

In addition to big/little, new members have heart sisters (like a bid day buddy, often someone they met during recruitment), Senior Shadows (so that Seniors aren't put on a pedestal), and some chapters even have recent alumnae mentors.

I am just as close to my heart sister as I am to my big & my twiddle. I didn't have a Senior Shadow, but I love that idea.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by _Lisa_

I am just as close to my heart sister as I am to my big & my twiddle. I didn't have a Senior Shadow, but I love that idea.

wait, you only have 1 heart sister? We had one a week until initiation.

[FSUZeta]

it seems to me that the chapter drama on jocelyn's campus should be dealt with as an internal problem, not a panhellenic problem, and should be handled internally, or at the most by their national office.

[tunatartare]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

it seems to me that the chapter drama on jocelyn's campus should be dealt with as an internal problem, not a panhellenic problem, and should be handled internally, or at the most by their national office.

I agree. I can't picture a fraternity/sorority that doesn't have some sort of a big/little program. Heck, at my college sports teams had bigs and littles. Freshman year, two girls on my floor was on the crew team and the night before a big match, they got posters on their doors that said "good luck! love your Big" and stuff like that. I believe that the soccer team has them as well.

[SoCalGirl]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

wait, you only have 1 heart sister? We had one a week until initiation.

We had Heart Sis, Big Sis, and Violet Sis. I was closest to my Violet Sis's. I had one as a pledge and then had two as an Active.

I think I've also heard of Dove Sis's but not sure how they work.

When I was a collegiate my chapter had Sigma Sister of the Week. Each week you were randomly paired with another sister. At the next meeting the girls would brag about what they did with each other that week. The girls with the best activity/story won a prize.

With Big/Lil gifts my chapter always had a list of what the gifts were to be and also a budget. I always ended up over budget. There was one family that always seemed to have the sisters that could spend $2 on something but it would look like a million bucks because they were creative. So it's not always about money.