How to Soothe This Pain???

GaMom · #1 08-20-2006, 07:22 PM

No, definately not bitter. I know some wonderful women that are products of UGA's Greek system. In fact, two of them in particular have have been so wonderful to us this week. I don't know how they manage Rush week here. They are well known members of this community and write several recommendations for Rush every year - they are both from very well known sororities. One is an alumni coordinator during Rush, and the other's daughter rushed this time with mine. Yet, they have both been amazingly warm and comforting. What an awful position for each of them to be in, having to comfort a friend who's daughter was cut so early when one had to witness so much painful cutting at the house, and the other's daughter got her first choice. These women have tender and generous hearts.

Thank you for your kind and comforting words. I do have another question. Isn't it only proper for my daughter to send notes to all the women who wrote letters on her behalf, and if so, how does she phrase this?
Thanks, GaMom

adpiucf · #2 08-20-2006, 07:32 PM

While a follow-up to the women who wrote her recs is greatly appreciated and something she should do (esp. if she may go through recruitment a second time and need to secure new recs for the next recruitment cycle), but she may want to wait a week or so until she is feeling back to being normal.

She should phrase it in her own words, but something along the lines of:

Dear ALUMNA,
Thank you so much for your kindness and time in helping me secure sorority recommendations. While recruitment did not end as I'd hoped, I'm very excited to be attending UGA and plan to get involved with campus life! This semester, I have a full course load and I'm living in a dorm with some wonderful girls. I love the school! Thank you again for all your help. While sorority membership is not in the cards for me at this time, I hope for a future opportunity and would like to stay in touch with you. Wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,
GADaughter

DeltaBetaBaby · #3 10-12-2006, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

While a follow-up to the women who wrote her recs is greatly appreciated and something she should do (esp. if she may go through recruitment a second time and need to secure new recs for the next recruitment cycle), but she may want to wait a week or so until she is feeling back to being normal.

She should phrase it in her own words, but something along the lines of:

Dear ALUMNA,
Thank you so much for your kindness and time in helping me secure sorority recommendations. While recruitment did not end as I'd hoped, I'm very excited to be attending UGA and plan to get involved with campus life! This semester, I have a full course load and I'm living in a dorm with some wonderful girls. I love the school! Thank you again for all your help. While sorority membership is not in the cards for me at this time, I hope for a future opportunity and would like to stay in touch with you. Wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,
GADaughter

This is great advice...AND, not to build any false hopes, but...

There is a chance that a chapter or two would like to pick up a few women through COB, either this semester or next. At a school where this is taboo, they do not advertise, they use personal connections. So, if suzie alum hears that your daughter is still a free agent, and knows that her chapter is graduating two girls in December, she may pull the strings that put the two in touch. As slim as this chance is, by being gracious and thanking the women who wrote recs, she is positioning herself well.

Munchkin03 · #4 08-20-2006, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GaMom

Isn't it only proper for my daughter to send notes to all the women who wrote letters on her behalf, and if so, how does she phrase this?
Thanks, GaMom

Yes. Any rec writer would appreciate any news--even if it isn't the best news!

adpiucf's draft was great! A week or two does help, but she should definitely send something, even if it turns out she doesn't go through Recruitment. Writing recs is a long process, and us alumnae like to know how things turned out--no matter what.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Speechpath · #5 08-20-2006, 07:53 PM

I'm very sorry to hear about your daughters experience. Having attended UGA, I know all too well how difficult the rush process is and every year there are wonderful, outstanding women who for whatever reason do not end up with a bid. I hope she will consider COR or rush again if she chooses. Sounds like she has an wonderful and supportive mom which is most important for her right now. Best wishes to you both.

mkgirl · #6 08-20-2006, 07:57 PM

OK, this thread is breaking my heart. My daughter went through rush 6 years ago and I can remember the anticipation, and her pain of getting cut from a group during the process. She was picked by her first choice, but she had an opportunity to meet girls during a freshman "leadership camp" the summer before, and her campus was not nearly as competitive as some I have read about on this board. I have a question now....is something like this a good argument for having deferred rush? A time for the pnm's to get to know the different groups and for the groups to really get to know the pnm's??

She may still yet get to experience Greek life...I have no doubt she will make friends and be invited to parties and events and a bid may await her down the road. If not, there are so many organizations out there. She sounds like a leader, and she'll find a place for herself. (((hugs)))to mom and daughter.

Scandia · #7 08-20-2006, 08:33 PM

I would not be shocked if many girls like me got bids at other schools.

But UF is as tight as it can get.

Munchkin03 · #8 08-20-2006, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

But UF is as tight as it can get.

It might be now, but it wasn't a few years ago. There were a few "geeks" in my class, and they got into sororities at UF.

But this thread isn't about your rush experience a decade ago, unless you have real solid advice for GaMom.

GaMom · #9 08-20-2006, 09:05 PM

Thank you!! You ladies are so great! I will absolutely pass along the draft of ADPiUCF's note. I know my daughter will appreciate all your kind words just as I have. You are all credits to your organizations!
GaMom

BethKAT · #10 08-27-2006, 09:22 PM

I myself never went out for formal rush the 1st year because of an awful experience my cousin had at Auburn not getting into a legacy chapter of her mother (at the same school). She also had the best grades, good looks and was a nice person (but from out of state) She continued to make good grades become involved in activities and got into that sorority her sophmore year.
1st I want to commend your daughter for the courage and she can never say she didn't try her 1st year. I got involved in organizations and met people and signed up for COB and joined the winter of my sophmore year and had a great time with lots of diverse friends.

My advice; sign up for COB. get to know others who can write recs and girls in the sorority (they CAMPAIGN for the girls they want in so she needs an ally on the inside). Go out for organizations like atheletic supporter organziations(Diamond Dolls and Match Mates) and Student Government anything to pad her "resume" Most important make top grades. Then try it again next year. If you get to know girls let them know your interest in going through rush next year and when you become friends ask them to support you. But be cool. Hope this helps. I am proud of her because she tried. She will never have regrets about not trying.

EGAOPi · #11 10-12-2006, 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

I would not be shocked if many girls like me got bids at other schools.

But UF is as tight as it can get.

I disagree that UF is as tight as it can get. I have known many people that went through recruitment at UF and had wonderful experiences. Several of them have been the girl that you describe--the class nerd and unconventionally attractive.
I'm sorry that your experience did not go well, however--I know many girls go through recruitment up there and sometimes ranking and finding out where you belong can be difficult. I hope you are still enjoying UF nonetheless-whenever I visit, I always have a lot of fun up there!

33girl · #12 08-22-2006, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mkgirl

I have a question now....is something like this a good argument for having deferred rush? A time for the pnm's to get to know the different groups and for the groups to really get to know the pnm's??

YES.

If I had had to rush straight out of high school, I would NEVER have gotten a bid - and I'd wager there are many other people on here w/ the same story.

TXMom · #13 08-22-2006, 05:37 PM

GAMom, check your pm's

StateUGirl · #14 08-22-2006, 10:55 PM

I do feel bad for her but the GC gang should not be so quick to recommend that she try COB or going through rush again. UGA obviously has a very competative rush and this may not be a realistic option. Pretending that it is will may only delay her realizing that she will probably not join a sorority at UGA and should spend her time and efforts finding a non-greek group of friends and non-greek activities to become involved in.

AUDeltaGam · #15 08-22-2006, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StateUGirl

I do feel bad for her but the GC gang should not be so quick to recommend that she try COB or going through rush again. UGA obviously has a very competative rush and this may not be a realistic option. Pretending that it is will may only delay her realizing that she will probably not join a sorority at UGA and should spend her time and efforts finding a non-greek group of friends and non-greek activities to become involved in.

But there is a chance that some sororities will COB (I can think of one offhand) and there IS a chance she can rerush next year. She should spend time making new friends, because that's an important part of college, but she shouldn't completely close the door on rushing.