How to Soothe This Pain???

violetpretty · #1 08-20-2006, 06:51 PM

I have to give you daughter credit for even trying to rush at a cut-throat school like UGA. It must be crazy when you have 1300 perfect candidates. I know sororities at my school would be fighting like ravenous wolves over this PNM.

Scandia · #2 08-20-2006, 07:06 PM

Sounds like my experience at UF. I was in a very similar position- except that I was the class nerd in high school, and while I am pretty and dress well, I sure am not the beauty standard (I have dark hair and eyes- I'm Mediterranean). UF was just as cut-throat, if not tougher.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's experience. I hope she tries again next year.

proudmom · #3 08-20-2006, 07:29 PM

Okay, I just did a quick search. UGA has 25,000 undergrads and ~20% of women are sorority members. The numbers are a little less for guys but let's assume 20%. So roughly 80% of the student population is NOT Greek which means your daughter is in the company of 20,000 other students. That's a lot of non-Greeks. And there are (according the UGA website) over 500 clubs to become involved in. In other words, there is life after not getting into a sorority.

Now I do not mean in any way, shape or form to diminish your pain and your daughter's pain. I have been in a similar position and I complete and totally understand how much you and she are hurting right now. I feel very, very badly for you both. There is no alternative but to pick yourselves up and keep going. (It might also help to stop comparing to the others from your county). You don't know why she wasn't picked and why someone else was and you won't ever know.

You're being a good supportive mom and giving her what she needs right now: a safe place to be.

I believe that the best way to make it in to a sorority - particularly the second time around if she decides to re-rush (and I have no idea how hard it is for sophomores at UGA) is to know a lot of girls already in the house. She sounds like a wonderful girl with a lot to offer the school and I'd encourage her to get out there and get involved.

The pain will be tough to take but it will definitely lessen over time - I wish you both good luck.

_Lisa_ · #4 08-20-2006, 07:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

Sounds like my experience at UF. I was in a very similar position- except that I was the class nerd in high school, and while I am pretty and dress well, I sure am not the beauty standard (I have dark hair and eyes- I'm Mediterranean). UF was just as cut-throat, if not tougher.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's experience. I hope she tries again next year.

I'd say it has more to do with your odd habits & hobbies.

adpiucf · #5 08-20-2006, 07:53 PM

Scandia, plenty of class nerds get bids, and plenty of women who are not blonde get bids, too. Please let's keep this thread on track.

kddani · #6 08-20-2006, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

Sounds like my experience at UF. I was in a very similar position- except that I was the class nerd in high school, and while I am pretty and dress well, I sure am not the beauty standard (I have dark hair and eyes- I'm Mediterranean). UF was just as cut-throat, if not tougher.

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's experience. I hope she tries again next year.

I really hope that GaMom's daughter will not experience and hold on the same bitterness that you seem to harbor.

GaMom, i'm sure it will be tough, but there is SO much out there for her to explore her freshman year. If anything, this may open her up to opportunities that she may not have noticed if she was tied up in the sorority experience. Pledging a sorority is very time consuming- not only with mandatory events, but even just the desire to hang out with the new sisters. The sorority can consume their life.

I hope that she uses this as an opportunity to see where life takes her this year. I didn't pledge my freshman year (granted, I went to a northern school with a fairly small greek life), and I'm very happy that I waited until my sophomore year. I had the chance to get involved in a lot of activities, and get to know women in the various sororities. Young women change and grow up a lot in college, and I think having time to digest it all and try to figure out what kind of person they want to be is NOT a bad thing.

Who knows? She may decide sorority life isn't for her and getting cut was the best thing to happen to her. Or she may decide that she really wants to give it a try again.

She may have been intimidated, because as has been said, there are just SO many fabulous young women going through rush at these schools. There are so many girls that were the big fish in the little high school pond, and then they're all dropped together in the ocean (cliche, I know). And that takes some adjustment. And it may have made her shy or a little unsure of herself. Of course, we could conjecture forever.

Bottom line is that she WILL get over it and I truly hope she finds other things to sink her time into. Being in a sorority IS a wonderful experience, but there are so many other worthwhile things to get involved in while in college as well.

GaMom · #7 08-20-2006, 07:22 PM

No, definately not bitter. I know some wonderful women that are products of UGA's Greek system. In fact, two of them in particular have have been so wonderful to us this week. I don't know how they manage Rush week here. They are well known members of this community and write several recommendations for Rush every year - they are both from very well known sororities. One is an alumni coordinator during Rush, and the other's daughter rushed this time with mine. Yet, they have both been amazingly warm and comforting. What an awful position for each of them to be in, having to comfort a friend who's daughter was cut so early when one had to witness so much painful cutting at the house, and the other's daughter got her first choice. These women have tender and generous hearts.

Thank you for your kind and comforting words. I do have another question. Isn't it only proper for my daughter to send notes to all the women who wrote letters on her behalf, and if so, how does she phrase this?
Thanks, GaMom

adpiucf · #8 08-20-2006, 07:32 PM

While a follow-up to the women who wrote her recs is greatly appreciated and something she should do (esp. if she may go through recruitment a second time and need to secure new recs for the next recruitment cycle), but she may want to wait a week or so until she is feeling back to being normal.

She should phrase it in her own words, but something along the lines of:

Dear ALUMNA,
Thank you so much for your kindness and time in helping me secure sorority recommendations. While recruitment did not end as I'd hoped, I'm very excited to be attending UGA and plan to get involved with campus life! This semester, I have a full course load and I'm living in a dorm with some wonderful girls. I love the school! Thank you again for all your help. While sorority membership is not in the cards for me at this time, I hope for a future opportunity and would like to stay in touch with you. Wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,
GADaughter

DeltaBetaBaby · #9 10-12-2006, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adpiucf

While a follow-up to the women who wrote her recs is greatly appreciated and something she should do (esp. if she may go through recruitment a second time and need to secure new recs for the next recruitment cycle), but she may want to wait a week or so until she is feeling back to being normal.

She should phrase it in her own words, but something along the lines of:

Dear ALUMNA,
Thank you so much for your kindness and time in helping me secure sorority recommendations. While recruitment did not end as I'd hoped, I'm very excited to be attending UGA and plan to get involved with campus life! This semester, I have a full course load and I'm living in a dorm with some wonderful girls. I love the school! Thank you again for all your help. While sorority membership is not in the cards for me at this time, I hope for a future opportunity and would like to stay in touch with you. Wishing you all the best.

Sincerely,
GADaughter

This is great advice...AND, not to build any false hopes, but...

There is a chance that a chapter or two would like to pick up a few women through COB, either this semester or next. At a school where this is taboo, they do not advertise, they use personal connections. So, if suzie alum hears that your daughter is still a free agent, and knows that her chapter is graduating two girls in December, she may pull the strings that put the two in touch. As slim as this chance is, by being gracious and thanking the women who wrote recs, she is positioning herself well.

Munchkin03 · #10 08-20-2006, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GaMom

Isn't it only proper for my daughter to send notes to all the women who wrote letters on her behalf, and if so, how does she phrase this?
Thanks, GaMom

Yes. Any rec writer would appreciate any news--even if it isn't the best news!

adpiucf's draft was great! A week or two does help, but she should definitely send something, even if it turns out she doesn't go through Recruitment. Writing recs is a long process, and us alumnae like to know how things turned out--no matter what.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Speechpath · #11 08-20-2006, 07:53 PM

I'm very sorry to hear about your daughters experience. Having attended UGA, I know all too well how difficult the rush process is and every year there are wonderful, outstanding women who for whatever reason do not end up with a bid. I hope she will consider COR or rush again if she chooses. Sounds like she has an wonderful and supportive mom which is most important for her right now. Best wishes to you both.

mkgirl · #12 08-20-2006, 07:57 PM

OK, this thread is breaking my heart. My daughter went through rush 6 years ago and I can remember the anticipation, and her pain of getting cut from a group during the process. She was picked by her first choice, but she had an opportunity to meet girls during a freshman "leadership camp" the summer before, and her campus was not nearly as competitive as some I have read about on this board. I have a question now....is something like this a good argument for having deferred rush? A time for the pnm's to get to know the different groups and for the groups to really get to know the pnm's??

She may still yet get to experience Greek life...I have no doubt she will make friends and be invited to parties and events and a bid may await her down the road. If not, there are so many organizations out there. She sounds like a leader, and she'll find a place for herself. (((hugs)))to mom and daughter.

Scandia · #13 08-20-2006, 08:33 PM

I would not be shocked if many girls like me got bids at other schools.

But UF is as tight as it can get.

Munchkin03 · #14 08-20-2006, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scandia

But UF is as tight as it can get.

It might be now, but it wasn't a few years ago. There were a few "geeks" in my class, and they got into sororities at UF.

But this thread isn't about your rush experience a decade ago, unless you have real solid advice for GaMom.

GaMom · #15 08-20-2006, 09:05 PM

Thank you!! You ladies are so great! I will absolutely pass along the draft of ADPiUCF's note. I know my daughter will appreciate all your kind words just as I have. You are all credits to your organizations!
GaMom