Tacky wedding "invitation"

PhoenixAzul · #1 07-03-2006, 11:09 AM

My SO and I were discussing what to do about invitations. There are some people that we need to invite, but we know for whatever reason may not come (distance, illness, children, etc). Since we're not having a destination wedding, we were discussing putting a "bride and groom are registered at XYZ, but would appreciate donations to X foundation in their name as well." We figured that the donation idea would save a lot of people a lot of time...no shopping, no shipping, they can just fire up the computer and donate through the net or write a check. It's also not a "what will we get them, is this too much from us, is this enough?" problem...they donate what they want and that's that. If you know a particular foundation this couple is partial to, that's what I'd do. I'd make a donation (in appropriate size) in their name and send them a card explaining.

tunatartare · #2 07-03-2006, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

My SO and I were discussing what to do about invitations. There are some people that we need to invite, but we know for whatever reason may not come (distance, illness, children, etc). Since we're not having a destination wedding, we were discussing putting a "bride and groom are registered at XYZ, but would appreciate donations to X foundation in their name as well." We figured that the donation idea would save a lot of people a lot of time...no shopping, no shipping, they can just fire up the computer and donate through the net or write a check. It's also not a "what will we get them, is this too much from us, is this enough?" problem...they donate what they want and that's that. If you know a particular foundation this couple is partial to, that's what I'd do. I'd make a donation (in appropriate size) in their name and send them a card explaining.

Hijack: when did you get engaged? I didn't know that. Congratulations!

Intense1920 · #3 07-03-2006, 11:23 AM

Yeah, sounds like a save-the-date notice which is actually thoughtful

PhoenixAzul · #4 07-03-2006, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KLPDaisy

Hijack: when did you get engaged? I didn't know that. Congratulations!

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

Part of me really wants to kick him and tell him either do it or quit talking about it, but part of me enjoys the not knowing.

AlphaFrog · #5 07-03-2006, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

Part of me really wants to kick him and tell him either do it or quit talking about it, but part of me enjoys the not knowing.

READ: I'm too chicken$hit to ask without making 1000% sure you'll say yes...

KSigkid · #6 07-03-2006, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

haha...we haven't yet! I'm wondering what he's waiting for...every day he does this, "so when we get married, can we ...." and the, "who do you want in your wedding party" thing, and it isn't me initiating it, it's all HIM! And yesterday he told me, "yeah I almost brought the ring when I came over to visit you in Belfast."

My advice - don't listen to too much on this board. A bunch of people on here tend to be hyper-critical (and at times nasty) about other people's weddings. If I had paid attention to some of the things on here when my wife and I were planning, it would have stressed me out. A wedding is one of those things that most people think they can do better than the married couple.

If you have questions, ask friends who will be truthful but not nasty with their opinions/viewpoints.

Marie · #7 07-06-2006, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSigkid

My advice - don't listen to too much on this board. A bunch of people on here tend to be hyper-critical (and at times nasty) about other people's weddings. If I had paid attention to some of the things on here when my wife and I were planning, it would have stressed me out. A wedding is one of those things that most people think they can do better than the married couple.

If you have questions, ask friends who will be truthful but not nasty with their opinions/viewpoints.

Agreed! Everyone's budget, standards, customs, and opinions will be different. You would get much better insight from getting the opinions of those who you will actually be inviting. They are from your region, they know your customs, and most importantly they are who matters. By coming on a website like this, you may get some good info, but you will also get everyone's view of the perfect/tasteful wedding (as they know it) w/little regard to budget, family relations, or just plain 'Who give a f*@k? Its your wedding, your day, and it should be however you want it to be.'

DSTCHAOS · #8 07-06-2006, 11:43 AM

I agree with KSigkid.

I stopped reading posts after I realized how "wedding snooty" and self-important many people are.

tunatartare · #9 07-06-2006, 11:46 AM

how is this different from the ghetto weddings thread?

AOII_LB93 · #10 07-03-2006, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

My SO and I were discussing what to do about invitations. There are some people that we need to invite, but we know for whatever reason may not come (distance, illness, children, etc). Since we're not having a destination wedding, we were discussing putting a "bride and groom are registered at XYZ, but would appreciate donations to X foundation in their name as well." We figured that the donation idea would save a lot of people a lot of time...no shopping, no shipping, they can just fire up the computer and donate through the net or write a check. It's also not a "what will we get them, is this too much from us, is this enough?" problem...they donate what they want and that's that. If you know a particular foundation this couple is partial to, that's what I'd do. I'd make a donation (in appropriate size) in their name and send them a card explaining.

Every wedding website and etiquette book I have read has always said not to include anything about gifts with the invitation. There are numerous ways people can figure out where you are registered: phone calls, internet, etc...
Be careful when you think people won't show up...I have a friend who did that, and a bunch of the folks she thought wouldn't come, did.

OleMissGlitter · #11 07-03-2006, 02:10 PM

A friend of mine who did a destination wedding only had her dearest family and friends with her down in Hawaii. Then when the couple returned home they sent out invitations to a party their parents hosted for them that said something like, They tied the knot down in their favorite spot or something like that. It was done very nicely and their party was huge. They didn't register for gifts because they didn't need anything since they had been living together already but of course some guests did bring them gifts.

I can't stand it when someone I barely know invites me to their wedding and includes like a card with the places where they are registered....this girl I had one class with in college invited me to her wedding, I was like who is this? I think some people invite everyone they've ever met to their wedding just to get presents!

Buttonz · #12 07-03-2006, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OleMissGlitter

A friend of mine who did a destination wedding only had her dearest family and friends with her down in Hawaii. Then when the couple returned home they sent out invitations to a party their parents hosted for them that said something like, They tied the knot down in their favorite spot or something like that. It was done very nicely and their party was huge. They didn't register for gifts because they didn't need anything since they had been living together already but of course some guests did bring them gifts.

I can't stand it when someone I barely know invites me to their wedding and includes like a card with the places where they are registered....this girl I had one class with in college invited me to her wedding, I was like who is this? I think some people invite everyone they've ever met to their wedding just to get presents!

That's what I would really like to do for my wedding.

33girl · #13 07-03-2006, 10:01 PM

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

PA - don't include registry info in your wedding invite. People will know to look in the stores and if they can't find it, they'll call your or his parents and ask. If they don't, well, you'll just get lots of towels and you always need towels.

As for the donation to the foundation - I wouldn't go there because unless you know everyone you're inviting espouses the same causes as you do it could get VERY sticky. You might think (for example) Animal Friends is perfectly safe, but you never know who had a bad experience with them or something.

honeychile · #14 07-03-2006, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

That's how I always heard it done, too. Friends of mine were married in San Francisco, and when they got home, had a lovely housewarming. Since it was a second marriage for both, it really was a nice way to do it.

adpiucf - if I were your mother, I think I'd send a shower gift anyhow - like a good etiquette book!

adpiucf · #15 07-03-2006, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

adpiucf - if I were your mother, I think I'd send a shower gift anyhow - like a good etiquette book!

Oh she is! My mom is the type to send gifts to showers of my friends when she personally has not been invited! We were both floored by our cousin's message. I don't expect to get an invite to the shower b/c I'm out of state, but if I did and had gotten that message, I wouldn't have hestiated to tell my cousin how tacky that was!