How long would you wait until your SO popped the question?

[adpiucf]

Once you get to be my age, the 2-year rule is instituted. More power to the girls who hang on for 9+ years, move in together and have babies in a common law marriage. Not my deal.

/Have I mentioned I'm single?

ETA: The 2 year rule is more for us older gals, but you should do whatever makes you happy.

[valkyrie]

Well, I personally don't give a rat's ass about getting married, so I'd say forever.

[VandalSquirrel]

I haven't, and don't picture myself waiting for a man to ask me. The relationships I have been in where marriage was a possibility it would have been discussed before hand and it would be a mutual decision. A factor in that is that I have my grandmother's engagement ring and plan to wear it. Not to say that if after we discuss getting married and we both agree we're going in that direction I would be uspet if he did some goofy thing to ask me, but I plan to see it coming.

[KSUViolet06]

I believe in the 2 year rule. If you've been dating me for 2 years and you still aren't sure if you want to marry me, then I don't know what to tell you.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by JocelynC

I believe in the 2 year rule. If you've been dating me for 2 years and you still aren't sure if you want to marry me, then I don't know what to tell you.

I don't know -- it bothers me when women have this attitude. First, I think it implies that, as a woman, OF COURSE you want to get married from the getgo and you're just setting an arbitrary deadline by which the guy you're dating better be on board with your plans.

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

What's the point of a two-year rule? What would be the harm in dating someone for longer than that without being engaged or married? What's the rush? Sometimes it seems that many young or youngish women see marriage as some sort of prize or some sort of milestone that MUST BE REACHED and THE SOONER THE BETTER.

Also, and this is getting off the topic a bit, but I really hate to hear people (and it's always women because guys don't talk this crazy shit) saying I can't wait to start our life together (or "start our new life together"), when referring to getting married. You and your significant other already HAVE a life together, whether you're married or engaged or living together or dating or holding hands at the library on Friday nights. That IS your life together. It really doesn't change much, if at all, after getting married. You started a life together when you started dating -- and I think it's very important for women in particular to be well aware that it's not going to change after you get married. (Of course, if you didn't live together before marriage, which I would never recommend, that will change.) This is why I think people shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage unless their relationship is pretty damn kickass. If you have a million problems before that, they're not going to magically go away or get better. They'll get worse or you'll get sick of dealing with them.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

I agree 100%. I met my fiance when I was 20 years old. If we had done the 2 year rule, we would have been married as soon as we graduated college. NO WAY! I wasn't ready and neither was he. We had been dating for a little over 5 years when he proposed (this past April). We wanted to wait until we were older, financially stable and had lived together for a year (in other words, knew that we could put up with each other as roommates!).

[Scandia]

Like various people have mentioned, it depends on the age, maturity, and financial/career stability of the people involved.

If you meet at 20 when you are college sophomores or juniors, then the wait can and should be several years long.

If you meet at age 30 when your careers are stable and you know what you want in a person, then you can pop the question after a shorter time. Two years of dating sounds reasonable.

If a 17 year old is mentioning marriage to you after knowing you a short time and you are not even in a relationship, RUN.

[bcdphie]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

I agree 100%. I met my fiance when I was 20 years old. If we had done the 2 year rule, we would have been married as soon as we graduated college. NO WAY! I wasn't ready and neither was he. We had been dating for a little over 5 years when he proposed (this past April). We wanted to wait until we were older, financially stable and had lived together for a year (in other words, knew that we could put up with each other as roommates!).

This was exactly my situation. I was barely 20 when I started dating my husband, and at that point in time, marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. We dated for 6 years before getting engaged (maybe a little longer than I would have preferred). However, in Canada, we were still below the average age of marriage. I believe for women it is 30 (I was 27), and men 31-32 (my husband was 30).

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

Hell, even most Amish kids aren't finished with RUMSPRINGA! by that point.

[AUDeltaGam]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

I don't know -- it bothers me when women have this attitude. First, I think it implies that, as a woman, OF COURSE you want to get married from the getgo and you're just setting an arbitrary deadline by which the guy you're dating better be on board with your plans.

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

What's the point of a two-year rule? What would be the harm in dating someone for longer than that without being engaged or married? What's the rush? Sometimes it seems that many young or youngish women see marriage as some sort of prize or some sort of milestone that MUST BE REACHED and THE SOONER THE BETTER.

Also, and this is getting off the topic a bit, but I really hate to hear people (and it's always women because guys don't talk this crazy shit) saying I can't wait to start our life together (or "start our new life together"), when referring to getting married. You and your significant other already HAVE a life together, whether you're married or engaged or living together or dating or holding hands at the library on Friday nights. That IS your life together. It really doesn't change much, if at all, after getting married. You started a life together when you started dating -- and I think it's very important for women in particular to be well aware that it's not going to change after you get married. (Of course, if you didn't live together before marriage, which I would never recommend, that will change.) This is why I think people shouldn't even CONSIDER marriage unless their relationship is pretty damn kickass. If you have a million problems before that, they're not going to magically go away or get better. They'll get worse or you'll get sick of dealing with them.

AMEN! I couldn't have said it better.

[adpi*violet]

Before I met my husband, I always said date at least a year before even considering marriage...
Sometimes, people just connect though. I knew I wanted to marry my husband within a month of starting to date, he knew within 2 or 3. We started discussing marriage at about 4 months, were engaged by 5 months, and married 8 months after we first started to date. And no... there was no baby 9 months later. We just knew we wanted to be together, and life in the military sometimes forces your hand sooner then you expected. We expected to be married a year from when we first got engaged, but overseas tours somehow found their way into the mix of things.

Since knowing life happens, I wouldn't counsel friends one way or another on how long to wait. Maybe, you know and want to make it official right away, maybe you don't. Maybe you don't need to make it legally official to know how you care about one another. I guess whatever/whenever "floats your boat."

[sgrhofall95]

The two year rule is the rule of thumb. It doesn't take forever and none of us are getting any younger. Pray over the relationship and ask God for direction and then listen to His answer even if that means ending a relationship that is going no where

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

I'm getting married at 23, and I'm not Amish. I think the appropriate age to get married totally depends on the people involved. Of course, if my fiance and I had implemented the "two-year" rule, we would have been married at 19.

PS - I saw some girl last week wearing a shirt that said something about RUMSPRINGA on it and I thought of you.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

In terms of relationships, two years is not a very long time -- especially if you're going to marry this person and "spend the rest of your life with him" -- that could be what, sixty more years. So two years is a tiny, tiny speck of that time. What if you start dating this guy when you're, say, 20 years old? You want to be getting engaged and married at 22? Unless you're in rural Amish country, I think that for almost all people, that's WAAAAAY too young.

I agree with you that "OMG we must get married by this time" rules are silly, but I also think the age/relationship time aspects are more case-by-case. My wife and I started dating at 21, were engaged at 23, and got married at 24. Some would say we were too young, but for us it was the right time.

Then again, I never was told that I had to propose by a certain date; I don't think ultimatums like that ever work.

[KSig RC]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

I agree with you that "OMG we must get married by this time" rules are silly, but I also think the age/relationship time aspects are more case-by-case. My wife and I started dating at 21, were engaged at 23, and got married at 24. Some would say we were too young, but for us it was the right time.

Then again, I never was told that I had to propose by a certain date; I don't think ultimatums like that ever work.

I think that these two points are not only totally correct (that there's no way to set a time frame, and ultimatums are ridiculous), but also interrelated - you're more likely to get what you want if you stay away from the ultimatum and instead look toward being flexible in your timeframe.