what's the funniest thing you've ever heard a drunk person say?

[AOIIBrandi]

One of hubby's fraternity brothers: "I can't see and that's a f*ing problem".

[texgal]

My roommate and I got a little tipsy and ended up on the floor of our friend's apartment, rolling around, laughing, and telling our friend that she should just let us stay as her new carpet pals. My roommate actually said "Let us stay! We'll be as quiet as carpet, we'll be your carpet pals!!" (and we were being no where near quiet)

[Scandia]

My friend says that the craziest thing he ever did when drunk was that when someone complained that the champagne was no good, he took the bottle, emptied it out on the ground, and said "Evil be gone".

I know, quite tame. He was from France. He was accustomed to drinking alcohol since a young age. So the alcohol did not cause him to do truly regrettable things.

[MaryAmanda]

"2 + 2 = chair"

[AOX81]

As an drunk ex-roommate was in the bathroom throwing up she was yelling at me and our other two roommates...

"One's a person, two's a couple, three's a crowd, and four's a f*cking stadium, so get the hell out!"

[Tucker Carlson]

my hung over fraternity brother one morning woke up and said "$hit, i think i am goin to need a new phone because i pissed myself last night and my phone is now drenched in piss."

"It doesn't taste that bad....till you swallow it." -- DolphinChicaDDD, Hale Koa Hotel Barefoot Bar, July 2006