Ghetto Funerals

[ShamikaT]

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.