Ghetto Funerals

[Eclipse]

I have one...

My mother's oldest brother died several years ago. He was not married and had no children. He was basically a recluse after he stopped working.

As some of you know at country funerals they have people get up and give "rememberances of the decesed" (three minutes please). Anyway, I think one of his old drinking buddies got up and said something and a member or 2 from my grandmother's church basically taking about the family. Remember the man had no friends and only left the house to take my grandmother to the store or something.

Finally this lady that no one knew gets up and starts talking about what a good family man he was and how he loved his children and wife and what a man of God he was (he had not been to a church since my Grandfather died about 25 years earlier!). She just went on and on. My mother and one of my aunts was in front of me and I could see their shoulders shaking and my aunt started crying and choking, trying not to laugh. One of the ushers thought she was over come with emotions, so they came over to fan her, which made my mother laugh even more.

The minister final had to get up and say amen a couple of times to get her to sit down and shut up.

We thought the woman was at the wrong funeral, but one of my great aunts said she was a professional funeral go-er and would always try to say something, even if she did not know the person!

[jojapeach]

Originally Posted by Eclipse

...one of my great aunts said she was a professional funeral go-er and would always try to say something, even if she did not know the person!

Someone needs a hobby. What is someone gonna say about herI at her own funeral? Bless her. Her comments remind me of my great-aunt's funeral last year where someone said she minded her own business and never had a mean word to say. My mom was sniggling next to me because errybody knew that Aunt Lou will let you know how she felt about everything, even if it's not her business. She might have originated the phrase, "Keepin' it real." LOL

I agree about the t-shirts with the deceased's picture. I attended my cousin's funeral about two weeks ago. He died of natural causes at 33, but it was a complete shock to everyone because he was so healthy. So, plenty of people (including myself) were still in shock. Somebody wasn't too in shock to pull out shirts which were on sale for $10 at the funeral. I hope it wasn't a real moneymaking effort, but I had never heard of such a thing. I had never even been to a funeral where those shirts were worn during the service.

The interesting part is that the t-shirt wearing folks were his mother's country relatives that I never need to see again. One chick was dressed like she wanted to get one more wear out of her black and too much silver club gear from Saturday night (the funeral was Sunday afternoon) before returning it to the store. My cousin was conservative and more bourgeios (sp?) than I was. He had an MBA and was president of his condo association. Nothing ghetto about him. His father's side of the family was also more conservative so it was a trip to see the ghetto antics. It was still a lovely service

ETA: Both sides of my family came from the country, so I'm not discriminating against the country...completely. I have a country side, but not at weddings or funerals. Come on.

[FeeFee]

Originally Posted by Eclipse

I have one...

My mother's oldest brother died several years ago. He was not married and had no children. He was basically a recluse after he stopped working.

As some of you know at country funerals they have people get up and give "rememberances of the decesed" (three minutes please). Anyway, I think one of his old drinking buddies got up and said something and a member or 2 from my grandmother's church basically taking about the family. Remember the man had no friends and only left the house to take my grandmother to the store or something.

Finally this lady that no one knew gets up and starts talking about what a good family man he was and how he loved his children and wife and what a man of God he was (he had not been to a church since my Grandfather died about 25 years earlier!). She just went on and on. My mother and one of my aunts was in front of me and I could see their shoulders shaking and my aunt started crying and choking, trying not to laugh. One of the ushers thought she was over come with emotions, so they came over to fan her, which made my mother laugh even more.

The minister final had to get up and say amen a couple of times to get her to sit down and shut up.

We thought the woman was at the wrong funeral, but one of my great aunts said she was a professional funeral go-er and would always try to say something, even if she did not know the person!

That woman just reminded me of Weeping Wanda from Good Times. She went to EVERYONE'S funeral, whether she knew the deceased person or not, lol.

Tld221 - those are hood funerals for real.

I don't have any ghetto funeral stories to tell. The ones I've attended have been your standard ones. No drama.

[lil_sunshine]

My uncle passed away last year around Memorial Day. He was pretty much a loner. He had a grown daughter and three grandchildren, but he hadn't seen his daughter in many years and had NEVER seen his grandchildren (he used the excuse that he had to go see them bearing gifts, which he never had the money to buy b/c he spent all his money on cheap liquor).

Being that he had no telephone, nobody knew he had passed until my uncle in BK (the rich one who ALWAYS attended one funeral or another with his wife and knew how to arrange one) received a phone call from the city's coroner's office asking him to come in and identify his body.

At the funeral, the program stated that his sunset was the day that he was confirmed as deceased, being that the exact date of passing was unknown. My aunt got up to speak and she had a nice lil story to tell, and then when she finished, she faced everyone in attendance and told us that self-medication is not a way to deal with problems and it is unhealthy. As she went on her diatribe, my friend's cell phone rang (the ringtone was "Lovers and Friends" by Lil Jon, the polyphonic version). Some of us burst out laughing. I figured it was my uncle's way of saying, "Kit I love you, but shut the fcuk up!!!"

About three months later, my sister, who'd grieved the hardest being that my uncle's funeral was closed casket, got a tattoo on her arm saying, "R.I.P. Uncle Gary."

[ShamikaT]

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

Shamika, I think I stopped breathing at some point reading this particular post.

[PerfectVerse06]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

Oh Mylanta!!!




You are too much...

[FeeFee]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

CTHU
CTHU
CTHU

Latchkey rugs? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

This post is classic.

[ZetaStorm]

Some of these stories are too funny. I've been to some bad funerals but dayum they have nothing on these. Goodness I guess the dead can't rest in peace. The funniest funeral I went to was when this obviously gay guy cut the fool by crying and yelling, falling out in the floor, and then laid all over the deceased in the casket and would not sit down (or shut up). That was the longest funeral ever. The expression on the preacher's face was priceless. He almost made the preacher lose his religion that day. Talk about ghetto funerals I've been to some ghetto weddings too.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by ZetaStorm

Talk about ghetto funerals I've been to some ghetto weddings too.

Please do share. I think we could use a "Ghetto Weddings" thread. I'm enjoying this one immensely.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

this has GOT to be my favorite part of the post. the zeta nalia, the keys to her towncar, and the pic of RM and N4L?!

just like mcdonalds, im lovin it!

[tunatartare]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!

This was my personal favorite.

[Gyrl7]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

I know I'm late, still catching up on my reading from the hiatus I took, but Shamika T, girl I don't think I even have enough Puff Plusses after reading this post. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....^5 to ya!

[DSTGIRL_32]

I do not know if this is Ghetto or just sad. I know a person who married a man that was in prison. When he was released ALL she wanted was to have a church wedding with all of the fanfare. Well she ended up passing because of a heart aliment before the wedding occured. To make a long story short, the man told me that they (her family) buried her in a wedding dress. I looked at him like. "what?" He said that she lookeded so beautiful.