Can Men and Women Be Truly Just Friends? - Page 2

ImSoNUPEY · #1 05-23-2006, 11:11 PM

I thinK it jus depends on maturity level of the individuals. Some men kan handle it some kan't

Rain Man · #2 05-24-2006, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by ImSoNUPEY
I thinK it jus depends on maturity level of the individuals. Some men kan handle it some kan't

I may be reading your post out of context, but it's not so much about maturity as it is about a yearning for affection. We as human beings have a natural desire for affection and for someone of the opposite sex to affirm our worth as a man or woman. To say that some men can handle it and some can't trivializes that very God-given desire. OTOH, if you can't "handle it", keep your opposite sex friends at arms length, and do not invest too much of your soul in your friendship.

Maybe it's just me, but I hate the term "just friends". Every time I see those two words together I read it as "emotional tampon".

But I'm just jaded like that.

Marie · #3 05-24-2006, 12:02 PM

I say yes, men and women can be friends.

I think that there are a couple of different types of relationships to consider. First look at men that you have become friends with through your current or ex-boyfriends. I dated one guy for nearly 6 years, and in that time his friends also became mine. I feel very close to some of them (like brothers), and though I'm no longer with that person, they are still in my life as friends. Note: The realtionship btwn my ex and I ended very peacefully, so there are no hard/akward feelings in the group. This may also work for the ex's of your female friends, but I tend not to get that close to any of the men in my friends' lives. Its a bit different b/c guys tend to not hang out w/their girl and her friends as much as women hang out with their guy and his friends.

Also, consider men that you meet that are already involved with someone. I am very good friends with some of my male co-workers. However, most of them are married or engaged, so there is no question on either side of where the boundaries in our relationship lie.

Furthermore, think of men who you simply are not attracted to. There are tons of situations (esp. at work) where there are men who just aren't what you're looking for, and you're not what they're looking for (differernt tastes, different race, different religion, different values, etc). It doesn't necessarily mean that there is no room for a friendship. For instance, one of my friends is a great guy. He's a lot of fun, has a good heart, and isn't that bad to look at. However, he's Indian and practices Hindu, and he's looking for a girl that is the same. While I'm not opposed to dating/marrying outside of my race, I do want a man who is a Christian, so... it's not gonna work. We're very cool, but it's just never going to go down, and we both know this.

Finally, I think that you can be attracted to someone & they be attracted to you, and you just opt to never act on that. Maybe its a friend of your older brother, or a cute guy who's just a little to young, or whatever. Just b/c you like them does not mean that you have no other choice but to act on that feeling, and just b/c you choose not to act on that feeling does not mean that they are automatically banished from your circle. My best friend has been attracted to one of her friends for years. I think maybe he liked her to start, but didn't get up the nerve to approach her. Now they both like each other, but individually don't want their existing friendship to change. He dates other girls, she dates other guys. They talk to one another about their relationships and other aspects of life just the same as if she and I were talking. They both know the situation, and are cool with it as it is.

SummerChild · #4 05-24-2006, 01:03 PM

Perfect, don't sleep on women. Pretending to be friends is also one of the ways that many *women* try to get with your man - by pretending that she is trying to be his friend/associate, etc. Many times, she's basically just trying to get close to him so she can become a *apparent* confidante and when you two have an argument, then she seems like she's just a sincere friend when she's like "maybe you two aren't meant for each other." All the while, waiting for her chance.

I have had more than one woman call herself "befriending" my man only to later admit that she was trying to get with him. He now can see these woman more clearly. First, he was taking them at face value. The first one, I suspected right away when she came in town and wanted to meet *me*. Trying to size up what in her twisted mind was the competition. LOL

We just got rid of another one who finally just turned into an all out stalker when she revealed her interest and he let her know it wasn't happening. This stalker has called me at work on occasion, etc. Finally, a police report had to be filed. SMH

So don't sleep on the women.

SC

Quote:

Originally posted by PerfectVerse06
No ma'am!!

I hate to say it, but I don't think men and women can just be friends.

A guy once told me that there is no such thing as male/female platonic relationships because the guy is just waiting for his chance to get some. Instead of taking the easy approach and just asking a woman out, he plays like he wants to just be pals and THEN, once a friendship is established, he will try make the relationship into something more.

I've experienced this far too many times to know this.

Oh wait, there is an istance where men and women can just be friends...it's when the man is gay!

MsFoxyLoxy77 · #5 10-17-2006, 11:44 AM

there is a reason why most married couples say their significant other is their BEST FRIEND. Either (a) they started off as friends or (b) their relationship grew to more than just a romantic attraction and they connect on the basis of genuine friendship. I think men and women can be friends. However, I do not think that men and women can just be best friends or even close friends without emotions coming into play.

In fact, if my female friends knew I was writing this right now they would die from laughter. I have a great guy friend whom I confide in as much as a my best friend; in fact, he is my best guy friend. Everyone (and I do mean everyone) including my mother thinks we're secretly dating. It didn't matter how many dates I went on everyone told me we were putting up a front. I used to think everyone had lost they're minds...but a few months ago I realized that it's not everyone else whose crazy...that in between our almost daily conversations there's a lot we don't say to each other.

So...Yes, I think we're both attracted to certain aspects of each other. No, I still have no intention of pursuing a relationship with him...after all he's still one of my best friends and I wouldn't have it any other way. However, if my significant other had a friendship like mine and I didn't think he or the friend could keep the friendship platonic she or he would have to go...that's just how I feel.

crimsondanger10 · #6 10-17-2006, 01:51 PM

I have two guy friends, one of whom I call my best friend. Both are married with children. Both wives know me, and I have also formed friendships with the wives. We have been friends since high school and I think he (best friend) knows everything about me. I don't THINK either of us have ever thought about "getting with" the other. I have never had problems with any other females, who they formed romantic relationships with, thinking that we would ever "go there."
Of course we get the occasional comments about our friendship, but we both understand "us" and I truly don't think we will ever be anything other than friends.

squirrely girl · #7 11-16-2006, 03:39 PM

i'd have to go with a no on this concept - if only from personal experience guy friends (who aren't gay) generally turn into one of the two people wanting some.

and if you started as a fling and the sex was good - you're screwed out of having a true friendship afterwards because at least one of those people is going to want some more.

PrettyBoy · #8 11-17-2006, 05:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squirrely girl

i'd have to go with a no on this concept - if only from personal experience guy friends (who aren't gay) generally turn into one of the two people wanting some.

and if you started as a fling and the sex was good - you're screwed out of having a true friendship afterwards because at least one of those people is going to want some more.

I can't agree with you more

. I think it also causes problems in relationships. Like if I was with a girl who had several male friends or if I had several female friends, while involved in a serious relationship. That to me just causes so many problems.

lovehaiku84 · #9 05-24-2006, 03:44 PM

I do think that men and women can be just friends, however the following situations will more than likely always occur. 1) Someone becomes attracted, expresses that attraction and gets rejected. Depending on the strength of the friendship, it may or may not end at this point. 2) Both become attracted, and act on that attraction, thereby ruling out the "just friends" part of the relationship 3) Both are attracted, but there are prior committments on one or both ends, which prevent them from acting on the attraction <--- I think that this is an incredibly touchy situation though, especially if one friend is having trouble in their relationship. I think it leaves room for emotional and possible physical affairs to begin. Lastly I think that men and women can be friends in a case where they may have dated and discovered that they were not compatible as a couple, but that a friendship would work out. Depending on how you look at that particular situation these two people are "just friends."

TonyB06 · #10 05-24-2006, 04:11 PM

I think if two people, especially unattached people, really like each other as friends, at some point someone is likely to develop feelings. That's natural, IMO. Whether you act on the feelings or not is another matter, but I guarantee somebody (usually the dude) is at least thinking about it, and is usually willing to risk the friendship to take it to another level.

If either or both are otherwise involved with other people, then it makes it the "friendship" train roll easier.

*thinking back to the days on the yard when the motto was 'girl, if you want a friend, buy a dog.....'

Rain Man · #11 05-24-2006, 05:09 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TonyB06
*thinking back to the days on the yard when the motto was 'girl, if you want a friend, buy a dog.....'

Ain't that the freakin' truth?

Lady of Pearl · #12 05-24-2006, 06:37 PM

It's possible once you have worked through the attraction stage. One friend and I resolved that it was best to lose the relationship but not the friendship and we are still good friends to this day!

whiteandblack · #13 05-24-2006, 07:16 PM

in my experience, no.

Quala67 · #14 05-25-2006, 11:31 AM

My ex-husband and I are great friends, now that we're divorced. We lost the friendship (which we had for 2 years prior to marriage) in trying to make the relationship work. He's still my buddy, and in fact - have vented/cried/babbled to him about guys I've dated since the divorce. I can look him in the eye and tell him I care about him, but wouldn't live with him ever again - and he can do the same. And we mean it!

Now on the flip side of things, the guy I've just started dating is a long-time friend (of 20 years), who admitted to me that he's wanted to date me for about 15 of those 20 years, but either I was in a relationship/marriage, or he was in a relationship. So, I'm hoping this one turns out better than my first marriage!

(btw, lovehaiku, I love the Pat quote on your signature! I'm a HUGE Benatar-fan as well)

SummerChild · #15 05-25-2006, 12:19 PM

Hi Quala67,
Not trying to be funny, just curious. Based on your post, it seems like you are a female but the fraternal information indicates "brother." Is that the way that females are referred to in the org or are you a male? Just wondering about the lingo of your org.
SC

Quote:

Originally posted by Quala67
My ex-husband and I are great friends, now that we're divorced. We lost the friendship (which we had for 2 years prior to marriage) in trying to make the relationship work. He's still my buddy, and in fact - have vented/cried/babbled to him about guys I've dated since the divorce. I can look him in the eye and tell him I care about him, but wouldn't live with him ever again - and he can do the same. And we mean it!

Now on the flip side of things, the guy I've just started dating is a long-time friend (of 20 years), who admitted to me that he's wanted to date me for about 15 of those 20 years, but either I was in a relationship/marriage, or he was in a relationship. So, I'm hoping this one turns out better than my first marriage!

(btw, lovehaiku, I love the Pat quote on your signature! I'm a HUGE Benatar-fan as well)