another advisor issue

[adpiucf]

There are a couple of routes you could take.

You can confront her head-on. Ask her to meet you for coffee, on some neutral ground away from the sorority house. Talk openly and honestly about how she has treated you and how she has made you feel. This is a mature way to go, and you're confronting your demons head-on. If she is a stable and mature person, she will appreciate the effort and perhaps recognize a deficiency in her leadership style.

Another option: You can talk to the person who supervises your advisory board and explain the situation and how it has made you uncomfortable and that this woman needs a talking-to about appropriate alumna-collegian relations and mentoring, as well as allowing due process regarding any standards issues, regardless of its outcome. You've done nothing wrong, you haven't been penalized and she should not be talking about you behind your back.

Lastly, you can call her out in chapter meeting and state your case, and, without making her look like a complete fool, outside of stating the facts, re-enforce your contributions to the sorority, clear up the misunderstanding, tell her that you will forgive her for saying untrue things about if she will acknowledge her mistake and apologize.

These kinds of office politics are going to follow you throughout your life-- in the workplace, family situations, the community activities you participate in and more. Women can be vicious, especially women in power, and especially toward other women whom they perceive as a threat to their position and power. The best you can do is 1) work with men only (a near impossibility), 2) confront the person, 3) involve the sorority equivalent of HR, all the way to the top if need be, or 4) burn your bridges and have a knock-down, drag out cat fight. The choice is yours. If you have nothing to lose, #4 makes for an amusing option that makes you feel better. But more realistically, go with a variation on options 2 & 3.

You will regret it if you let this lie. She needs to know how she has made you feel, and if you feel strongly enough that the other chapter members deserve to hear your side of the story-- then tell it! You both deserve for the confrontation to be delivered tactfully in order to preserve your dignity and to help her be a better adviser.