what's the funniest thing you've ever heard a drunk person say?

[FHwku]

my buddy jonathan, who is of age, was drunk 'n passed out in the passenger seat. his girlfriend was sober, under 21, and driving. they got pulled over.

while jonathan is sleeping, the state trooper asks if the guy in the passenger seat is alright. allison proceeds to explain to the trooper that, "yes, he's alright. he just got off a long day at work." a likely explaination. that's why he's so sleepy. of course.

things were going smoothly until jonathan woked up and blurted out, "what the fuck is going on here?" flashlight shines in his face and the question asked was, "sir, have you been drinking?"

"why yes i have been. i'm drunk."

jon has to show his i.d. but the trooper still wants him to step out of the car. jonathan enters drunken legal mode. "if i get out, you'll give me a ticket for being drunk in public."

"sir, step out of the car."

"why?!"

"just step out of the car."

"no!"

sternly, "sir i'm not gonna ask you again."

"I thought you weren't gonna ask me again?"

[KSig RC]

Recently, in Vegas, we were at a Brazilian steakhouse. After bringing around 6 or so meats on swords, the final course was lamb. My buddy Troy, who is WORKED at about 6pm (I mean . . . Vegas), looks at us and goes, "I think more people would eat lamb if it weren't for that whole Bambi thing."

The rest of us kind of looked around for a while, then I got it - I had to tell him that Bambi was a f-ing deer.

Response? "Oh, shit - my bad."

[Still BLUTANG]

this thread is hilarious!

i had a horny drunk friend say "i'm f*cked. drunk me!"

[FHwku]

toward the end of a party in nashville, That Guy comes outside with his guitar. everyone was listen to the stereo, rockin' away pretty hard. Scenester Rock. that's when That Guy precedes to say, "shhh! shhh! everybody shutup, and then a few people help him shush everyone and turn the music down." the entire crowd of scenester kids stops to look, and That Guy starts playing "She Talks to Angels" (Black Crowes.) if you know any Scenester Kids, you know that they don't listen to Southern Rock much. shocked silence. the only person laughing was a 24-year-old oil painter, who thought it was just like a Will Ferrell skit.

That Guy ='s Me. i didn't really care for what they were listening to and i was very drunk and determined to rectify that situation. the painter just told me about this Friday at an engagement party for a mutual friend that i had to play. i fell out laughing.

[33girl]

I'm glad this got bumped. In a variant, I have to say the title of funniest drunk semi-karaoke I've ever heard (i.e. singing along to the jukebox) has been claimed by the guys on my birthday belting out "Do Re Mi" from Sound of Music and "Sing, Sing a Song" by the Carpenters. (Did I mention some semifamous local media guys were included in the group....LOL) And they knew EVERY SINGLE WORD.

[AOIIBrandi]

One of hubby's fraternity brothers: "I can't see and that's a f*ing problem".

[texgal]

My roommate and I got a little tipsy and ended up on the floor of our friend's apartment, rolling around, laughing, and telling our friend that she should just let us stay as her new carpet pals. My roommate actually said "Let us stay! We'll be as quiet as carpet, we'll be your carpet pals!!" (and we were being no where near quiet)