Sweethearts wearing letters?

[DeltAlum]

Originally posted by MysticCat81
The general rule that only initiated brothers wear our letters would not prevent having tee shirts with the letters of numerous groups on them.

That seems contradictory to me, but as long as it works for you, that's great.

[Ohsass]

This very thing came up last night. I was lavaliered in the early 80's and did marry my DTD :-) We have been happily married for 21 years. The subject came up because as the spouse of a chapter advisor, I told a lavaliered gf that she was not allowed to wear his letters. She was wearing his sweatshirt. She bristled quite loudly that she was lavaliered and that meant it was ok to wear his letters at any time and basically what nerve I had. To clarify if things have just changed that dramatically over the years, I also spoke to a family member who was womens panhel pres recently at her university. She said although it was not a concrete rule it was understood that it was a huge social faux pas to wear,(especially in public) letters that were not your own. Jewelry did not apply. Further, the brothers and sisters would have had a fit to see their letters so casually worn.

In my opinion, the charm on a necklace stood, and should still stand, as a sign of a committed relationship and a sign that the girl is spoken for so to speak. But this girl did not, nor have I to this day, earned the right to wear the letters of DTD. As a little sister, we had our own sweatshirts but "L'il Sis" was embroidered clearly down one sleeve. We also worked our tails off with the guys in philanthropy etc..

Whether you are pinned or lavaliered, you do not come before the fraternity, you are not a member of the fraternity, you do not have the right to learn the rituals, shake or secrets of that fraternity. In my opinion, unless guys or sorority girls as well, stress ownership and pride in the honor that being a Delt or whatever should stand for..they hurt their house and recruitment. What makes your house or group special and exclusive if anyone can wear your letters? Why bother rushing?

[Ohsass]

Having re-read this thread a few times, it seems to me that the whole subject of "Display of Symbols" should be addressed not by individual chapters or schools but by each national fraternity organization. Better yet, perhaps the Inter-Fraternity councils or National Pan-Hellenic could come up with one set guideline to be followed by all?

To clarify my previous post, we also had mixer t-shirts and sweatshirts for football etc...and that was viewed differently. If you were a girl wearing the shirt, you belonged to the sorority on your shirt and vice a versa for the fraternity. If you tried to get away with wearing letters that weren't your own, folks knew it and called you out for it big time especially at a party. Hey, you didn't pay for the beer and food after all.

Originally Posted by Ohsass

Better yet, perhaps the Inter-Fraternity councils or National Pan-Hellenic could come up with one set guideline to be followed by all?

I disagree with this.

While having NPC unanimous agreements regarding recruitment and membership-related issues are great, I don't think it'd be a good idea to have an umbrella organization dictate who can or cannot wear letters. That should be totally left up to the individual organization.

And btw, because I'm a nitpicker...if you're talking NPC, it's Panhellenic. Pan-Hellenic often refers to the Divine 9 -- the 9 historically Black Greek Lettered Organizations. It's funny how a - and H can totally mean something else.

[SxyLambdaLady6]

I would not let anyone wear my letters, not even touch them. I was the one that earned my letters not them. When I crossed I learned that you never touch anyone elses letters, tikis, nothing like that because it meant disrespect. If you were a minority greek you would understand that but if you weren't and you touched someones letters it wasn't a big deal but if you did know about it some people would get mad if you touched their letters. To some people they don't care as much but you never know so you just don't do it.

When minority greeks say that they "earned" their letters, it def does not mean that they had to be hazed....it just means that they had a "meaningful" process....not making pledges bingedrink for weeks like some other greeks do...and also greeks say they earned their letters when they are paper. not saying im trying to offend anyone thats paper. what counts is how much you contribute to your chapter in the long run.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

I am lavaliered and wear that necklace almost all the time...though sometimes switch it for my own. My boyfriend isn't terribly happy about this, but I don't feel right wearing them on the same chain. I try to treat his as well as I treat mine. They are his letters, not mine, and he was kind enough to give them to me as a gift to a) make me quit hinting and b)find a way to show people how he feels without spending an ungodly amount on a promise ring or something...which we both feel is stupid. I think the only time it is appropriate to wear a guy's letters are...a) if you are a sweetheart and were given specific sweetheart "gear" to wear b)if the letters are on a shirt that anyone could have purchased (formal, parties, philanthropy event) c) if you are lavaliered (or given a badge because you are a mother, wife, sister, etc.). Otherwise it's disrespectful. It isn't a huge problem on our campus, but it happens...it's not cool.

[ΑΓΔSquirrelGirl]

Originally Posted by SxyLambdaLady6

I would not let anyone wear my letters, not even touch them. I was the one that earned my letters not them. When I crossed I learned that you never touch anyone elses letters, tikis, nothing like that because it meant disrespect. If you were a minority greek you would understand that but if you weren't and you touched someones letters it wasn't a big deal but if you did know about it some people would get mad if you touched their letters. To some people they don't care as much but you never know so you just don't do it.

When minority greeks say that they "earned" their letters, it def does not mean that they had to be hazed....it just means that they had a "meaningful" process....not making pledges bingedrink for weeks like some other greeks do...and also greeks say they earned their letters when they are paper. not saying im trying to offend anyone thats paper. what counts is how much you contribute to your chapter in the long run.

It isn't just minority or Divine 9 that feel like they earned their letters without being hazed...I wasn't hazed at all and I feel like I earn my letters every day that I work my butt off for them...which is almost every day. I think the main difference is that y'all probably do have a better "pledgeship" in that it seems minority greeks have the same respect for their organization as a whole right after their pledgeship that women in my chapter do maybe a year down the road (not all...but most, myself included, don't understand until they've grown up a bit). I think NPC gets a bad rap though. There are dedicated women in every chapter, people who bleed XYZ colors, and especially in the smaller chapters. I know I wouldn't consider myself paper, and won't after I graduate either...at the least I will pay alum dues and find a chapter wherever I end up...I hope to be a chapter advisor one day, though.

The no-touching rule is cool. I know we (and the fraternities) couldn't do it for all the shirts we sell and such...but I think it makes everyone then respect everyone else's letters all that much more. It makes sense, too. Random, but the thing that gets me the most is when organizations chalk the campus (not many NPCs do for the reason we don't...it's guaranteed that someone else will come along and write something nasty by the letters...but some of the guys and NPHC do)...I can't make myself walk over their letters, and the sidewalks aren't very big!

[fantASTic]

Wow, this surprises me on how strict a lot of people are on this. Our sweetheart this year was given a sweatshirt with stitched letters and "Sweetheart 2007" underneath it. He wears it, and it's cute. We love him!

As far as lavaliering goes..I was VERY surprised to see ThetaChiGuy being so upset about someone wearing his letters, since the QXs on our campus are very liberal with lavaliering here. One of our sisters got lavaliered after dating about five months, and she has letters from them. It's not uncommon.

Ohsass, I don't understand why it's okay for you to have a Lil Sis sweatshirt but not for a lavaliered woman to borrow a letters sweatshirt. Can you reason that out for me?

[GeekyPenguin]

Originally Posted by SxyLambdaLady6

I would not let anyone wear my letters, not even touch them. I was the one that earned my letters not them. When I crossed I learned that you never touch anyone elses letters, tikis, nothing like that because it meant disrespect. If you were a minority greek you would understand that but if you weren't and you touched someones letters it wasn't a big deal but if you did know about it some people would get mad if you touched their letters. To some people they don't care as much but you never know so you just don't do it.

When minority greeks say that they "earned" their letters, it def does not mean that they had to be hazed....it just means that they had a "meaningful" process....not making pledges bingedrink for weeks like some other greeks do...and also greeks say they earned their letters when they are paper. not saying im trying to offend anyone thats paper. what counts is how much you contribute to your chapter in the long run.

This never stops being funny to me. You wouldn't "let" anyone touch your letters? What if in a crowded elevator somebody bumped into your tote bag with letters on it? You would throw down?

[NikkiB]

My boyfriend lavaliered me, and though I get along with all of his brothers, my necklace is the only TKE letters I wear. I have shirts with "Tau Kappa Epsilon" written out on them, but none with letters. I was told by a different brother, however, that I was allowed to wear stitched letters, but my boyfriend was not allowed to anymore, because he had "given" me his letters. I'm still not allowed to wear the crest, or know any secrets, ect (which is fine, because i'd never reveal mine). Another brother told me that my being lavaliered made the brothers think of me as "equal to a brother, no better, no worse, just our equal, and not just some girl" which made me feel very loved. It seems to vary by chapter and the guys in the chapter...

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

This never stops being funny to me. You wouldn't "let" anyone touch your letters? What if in a crowded elevator somebody bumped into your tote bag with letters on it? You would throw down?

You really don't understand the difference? Seriously?

Originally Posted by GeekyPenguin

This never stops being funny to me. You wouldn't "let" anyone touch your letters? What if in a crowded elevator somebody bumped into your tote bag with letters on it? You would throw down?

I didn't tell you about the time my former roommate had to move my lettered hoodie in order to get her Organic Chem book?

I was ready to bust a cap on that bitch.

[DeltAlum]

Originally Posted by Ohsass

This very thing came up last night. I was lavaliered in the early 80's and did marry my DTD :-) We have been happily married for 21 years.

Clearly, a woman of exceptional taste. Congratulations to you and my Brother Delt.

[fantASTic]

Ohsass: That makes sense. But then would it be okay for a lavaliered woman to have "Girlfriend" or something written on the sleeve, or under letters?

I'm not trying to be controversial, just to see exactly what you feel is okay and not okay, so don't think I'm picking a fight!

[Ohsass]

this is complicated isn't it? Well, let's see, I'd say no, with one exception....if the fraternity as a whole has agreed that it is something they give to all girls who are lavaliered. The difference is that the whole fraternity is giving their approval as in a sweetheart- see the difference?