My advice to "nice" guys . . .for dating girls

[valkyrie]

James, I think that if someone is so socially retarded that he needs to go to strip clubs to "desensitize" himself to women and "practice" flirting and dating by flirting and going out with women he doesn't really like, he's never going to get anywhere.

Dating isn't easy for every guy and you know what? There are plenty of women out there who LIKE guys who aren't all smooth and flirtatious and who haven't "practiced" interacting with other humans. Your advice assumes that all guys should fit a certain mold -- and this is where I think it's dangerous. I'd rather find a guy who might be a little awkward talking to me if he thinks I'm hot than a guy who's really good at having a conversation with some naked woman giving him a lap dance -- and by the way, of course strippers are going to be nice to you when you're paying them -- isn't gaining confidence by doing that really, I don't know, fake?

I've never been impressed by a guy who wants to show me a good time or who is polished at small talk and the like. For me, attraction is about more than that -- it's physical, of course (and in that case is either there or it isn't and there's nothing you can do about it) but beyond that, it's about how we connect in ways that transcend mere social skills and the like.

I'm not even sure if what I'm saying makes sense. I'm sure there are guys who would benefit from following your suggestions, but I'm trying to address the guy who may lack confidence in himself and his dating abilities but who doesn't think your advice is quite right for him -- just be yourself and cultivate your own interests and who you are. In time, you'll find someone who thinks you rock even when you are a little shy or unsure of yourself.