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Damasa -
First I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I know that it's a horrible feeling. Last year a boy I used to work with commited suicide. He also did it on campus so I had to deal with hearing rumors from people who didn't know I knew him. Although he wasn't a close friend we did work together for a year and even went out a couple of times. The mix of emotions you feel is incredibly strange - ranging from anger at how could he do this to us, to extreme sadness, to just complete and utter disbelief.
The worst part of it was that I guess he did it because he felt unloved, alone and was way too deeply critical of himself. However, so many people turned out for his memorial and said such nice things that you realized that there was a lot of love for him out there that he apparently never realized.
All you can do now is give yourself time to heal and surround yourself with those that mean the most to you. Try to remember the happy times and don't let the tragic end re-paint all of your memories. I found that to be a big problem for me - letting his death overshadow his life. Also - everyone please remember to cherish your friends and make sure they know how much you care!!! It could really make a difference.
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