When your parents DON'T want you to move out

[Dionysus]

I’m always hearing of parents wanting their college age or post college age kids to move out. I wonder how many parents want the opposite. I know mine are. Since I turned 18 my parents REFUSED to let me move out. They aren’t lighting up any more, despite I’m in my early 20’s. Their two main concerns are….1. Me and my roommate(s) will not get along with each other. 2. Me and my roommate(s) will get along TOO WELL . Hmmmm….

I admit that the first concern can be a legitimate one. I AM kind of hard to live with. I’m a total neat freak in the kitchen and a total slob elsewhere. Now if my future roomie(s) are neatfreaks all over the house, we will DEFINITELY butt heads. Well, I will trust judgment enough to figure out if someone is a neat freak or not. If they are, I will NOT move in with them!!! If they are completely messy, I will not move in with them either! Any person I move in with must have a very mellow/passive personality in order for us to get along. Simple as that. I’m very perceptive about this kind of stuff. I predicted many fights between people who moved in with each other, I’ve also predicted many “peaces”. I wish my folks would trust my judgment also.

About their second concern…..I think its WAY OUT THERE! My parents are jealous parents. They have some strange fear if I move in with someone as friends/roommates or a boyfriend and we get along…I will stop communicating with them (my folks) period. There is a grain of truth to this…as of right now I can’t stand my father and my mother is getting on my nerves. They (especially my dad) must dictate everything including who I can be friends with and what kind of job I should work at. My mother is an instructor at a nearby college; she has some of her students calling me so we can hang out! I’ve turned down all of them but one. This is because she doesn’t trust ANY of the people I choose to hang out with. They have actually run away a few of my friends and maybe potential boyfriends. Now, I make sure that they never meet anyone I hang out with. My father tells me how I need to be more religious….he hasn’t been to church in almost a year. When I was a freshman, my dad gave me the choice of transferring schools or cutting my hair for the first time. He didn’t want me to do either. I can see how he could’ve been against me transferring to another school, but being THAT against me getting a hair cut? Shit like that is very annoying. I seriously need a break from them. I want my independence, both emotional and financial. But of course, I don’t plan on cutting them out of my life!

Everytime I talk about getting a job and moving out they will say that my boss, co-workers, and roommates will hate me and I will get fired or kicked out. This will be because of bad karma because I reject some of the things they tell me. And….my favorite one…I will miss them if they die. In other words my world will end if I don’t depend on them! What's funny is that there's even more too this situation...I haven't even included my maternal grandmother and her role in this problem.

How do I get out of this mess?