College Football North vs. South

[hottytoddy]

I've gotten this email a hundred times...but I never get tired of reading it. It's so true.




COLLEGE FOOTBALL: NORTH VS. SOUTH

WOMEN'S ATTIRE

Up North: Chapstick in their back pocket and a $20 bill
in their front pocket.

Down South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks,
powder, mascara > >(waterproof), concealer, and a bottle
Perrier. Wallet not necessary-that's > >what dates are for.


STADIUM SIZE

Up north: College football stadiums hold 20,000.

Down south: High school football stadiums hold 20,000.


NAMES

Up North: Doug Flutie

Down South: Dion Sanders


WEATHER

Up North: Snow and Ice.

Down South: Sunny, highs mid-90s, lows in the mid-70s,
with 95% humidity.

FATHERS

Up North: Expect their daughter to understand Sylvi

Down South: Expect their daughters to understand pass
interference.

ATTIRE

Up North: Male and female alike: woolly sweater or
sweatshirt, jeans.
Down South: Male - pressed khakis,crockies and sunglasses, oxford shirt, hat,loafers without socks.

Female - the perfet cocktail dress, sunglasses, Louis Vuitton handbag, and heels.

ALUMNI

Up North: Take prospects on sailing trips before they
join the law firm.

Down South: Take prospects on fishing trips so they don't
leave for the NFL their senior year.


CAMPUS DECOR

Up North: Statues of Founding Fathers.

Down South: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.


HOMECOMING QUEEN

Up North: Also a physics major.

Down South: Also Miss USA.

HEROES

Up North: Mario Cuomo

Down South: "Bear" Bryant, Bobby Bowden, Steve Spurrier, The Mannings, Phillip Fulmer

GETTING TICKETS

Up North: 5 days before the game you can walk into the
ticket office on campus and still purchase tickets.

Down South: 6 months before the game you can walk into
the ticket office on campus and campout for tickets.

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME

Up North: Students and Teachers are not sure if they are
going because they have class on Friday.

Down South: Teachers cancel class on Friday because they
don't want to see the few hung over students that might
actually make it to class on Friday.

PARKING

Up North: An hour or two before game time the university
opens the campus for game parking.

Down South: RV's sporting their school flags begin
arriving on Wednesday for the weekend's festivities. The
real faithful begin arriving on Tuesday. Park several
miles away and tailgate ALL DAY LONG.

GAME DAY

Up North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN
on TV.

Down South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for
breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting
Game Day "Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots
from up North who wonder why Game Day is never broadcast
from their campus.

TAILGATING

Up North: Wieners on the grill, beer with a lime in it,
listening to local radio station with truck tailgate
down.

Down South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at
dawn. Cooking complete with a few TV's and satellite dishes so they can keep up with scores of other games.

GETTING TO THE STADIUM

Up North: You have to ask, "Where's the stadium?" When
you find it you walk right in with no line.

Down South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game
day, it becomes the state's largest city.


CONCESSIONS

Up North: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top
with soda.

Down South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home
team's mascot-filled less than halfway to ensure enough
room for bourbon that you have in a flask taped on the
inside of your leg.

WHEN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED

Up North: Stands are less than half full.

Down South: 80,000+ fans stand up and sing.

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE

Up North: Nothing changes.

Down South: Fireworks with a twist of bourbon.

COMMENTARY (MALE)

Up North: "Nice play."

Down South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch! Tackle him and
break his legs!!!"

COMMENTARY (FEMALE)

Up North: "My, this is a violent sport."

Down South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch! Tackle him and
break his legs!!!"

AFTER THE GAME

Up North: The stadium is empty before the game ends.

Down South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While
somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's party. You win the
game: you get drunk to celebrate.. You lose the game: you
still get drunk.