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Well I think if you are following etiquette then yes you should be asked to be in the wedding. However considering the situation I would probably prefer not to be in it. My brother and I are very close also but he obviously has no say in his own wedding. SAD!!
As far the rehearsal dinner goes, your parents need to put their foot down and add you to the list. They are paying for it they should invite who they want to invite also.
Marriage is supposed to be the combination of 2 families. It is sad to see that here are 2 families that will not combining and can't evil combine to put together what is supposed to be the happiest day for this couple.
I agree that it is important to not ruffle the feathers and to play nicely, but they are walking all over your family and someone needs to stand up. It should be your brother but if he can't then your parents should.
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