How would you have handled this?

[lovelyivy84]

I am so sad that you felt so alienated by that question. In their defense they probably never thought about it that way (they have never had to). I have been around people of European descent quite often, and participated in countless discussions of their ethnicity. I guess, like I pointed out, that my take is different because I come from an immigrant culture myself that elected to come to America. So for me, the question is just another chance to share all the thiings I love about where I'm from.

I feel like NYC is one big conversation about ethnicity actually. It's just one of the basic questions people ask here, to EVERYONE - who are you and "what" are you. I know a ton of people who come here from other places and are completely offended by it when they first encounter the question, but that's just how it is. They have to get used to it I guess, because everyone asks. I guess it would never occur to me to be offended by this question because I am so used to it!Most people I know, regardless of culture, are something- they are African, West Indian, Hispanic, Italian, Irish, Czech, British, mutts, and the list goes on (Actually, at University Black American students used to comment on how they were such a minority within the minority- most of the black students were of African, Caribbean or Latino descent).

I guess I just want you not to take it to heart so much, as hard as I know that must be to do

As far as getting along with coworkers, I get along with everyone and talk to EVERYONE. As you can see from this post, if you give me half a chacne I WILL tell you my life's story, lol. It's really just my nature- can't help it.

Originally posted by Bamboozled
I thank you all for your insightful repsonses. It feels so good to know I'm not alone. Like I said, I had never be asked that type of question in such an environment, so it just really bothered me. It's sort of like a rapist asking a rape victim how she feels about rape.

I agree about keeping your work life separate from your private life. I almost never go to lunch/dinner/cocktail hours with my co-workers. That's why this time, I kind of had to. We were celebrating the completion of a project and they tried to accomodate me by going somewhere on my side of town. Believe me, if I could have come up with a good excuse quick enough, I wouldn't have gone.

When I first started working here, I was accused of being anti-social because I declined an invitation to go to lunch EVERYDAY with a group of girls who do just that. They sit around and gossip and talk about what was on TV last night. That's just not my forte. Another co-worker asks me almost everyday to join him for lunch. He told me today he was going to ask me everyday until I said yes. I told him, "Don't do that. When I want to go, I'll let you know." Like Soror Ideal said, I'm not here to make friends. We most likely wouldn't be friends if we didn't work together, so why try to force it because we do? Honestly, I just want to be left alone to do what I'm here to do. I don't invite you to any of my private functions, so please don't feel obligated to invite me to yours.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my co-workers. I actually kind of like some of them. It's just that I don't want to reveal that private part of myself. I mean damn, can I keep something for myself? Again, like Soror Ideal said, even if you get a little, they just want more adn more. I actually enjoy attending the Christmas party and other functions throughout the year that foster better working relationships. I enjoy getting to talk to people and see them outside of the work environment. Isn't that enough?
Have any of you read the book Shifting (thanks Soror lovelyivy)? The authors kind of touch on this subject.