I have been honored, over the past few years, to attend many of my friends' weddings. The vast majority of these have been enjoyable affairs, with a beautiful ceremony followed by a fun reception that gave us the chance to celebrate with the bride and groom and other guests.
This past weekend, I attended the Worst. Wedding. Ever. In. The. History. Of. Weddings. Actually, the ceremony was beautiful, and everything leading up to it was nice, but things went rapidly downhill afterwards.
The couple are Orthodox Jews, so everything was very, well, Orthodox. The men were sent into one room to pray with the groom; the women went into another room to greet the bride. I had the chance to catch up with some of my friends. Soda and fruit/veggie plates were set out for us. During the ceremony, men and women were seated separately, but there was no divider, so we could see everything that was going on. Like I said, the ceremony was beautiful.
Then came the reception from hell.......
"Cocktail" hour: Consisted of leftover soda and veggie and fruit plates from before the ceremony. All the guests were crowded into the lobby, which was not large enough, nor was it air conditioned.
Seating: The bride's mother did the seating chart, and did not consult with the bride, groom, or groom's family. The result was a more-or-less random seating chart which had one of our friends placed at a table where everyone else was of our parents' generation and she knew no one.
Photographer: Couldn't be bothered to stand up from where he was sitting when the bride and groom were to enter the hall. "I'll get them from here."
Also, he didn't even take basic care of his equipment. At one point he slung his camera carelessly over his shoulder - if I hadn't ducked, he would have brained me with it. My husband nearly got clocked over the head too.
Band: Far too loud, and the concept of a key was completely foreign to them. The accordion playing bore a close resemblence to a burlap sack full of cats being hit with sticks.
Alcohol: None except for one bottle per table (10 people per table) of wine that was utter and complete plonk. It's fine to choose to have no alcohol at your wedding, or no alcohol other than wine, but if you're going to serve wine, you should be able to tell the difference between the wine and paint thinner.
Food: As Orthodox Jews, this couple obviously wanted kosher food. Unfortunately, there are only a few kosher caterers in Boston, and they are booked out years in advance. So they called a kosher Chinese restaurant in the area. So dinner was Chinese. And greasy disgusting Chinese, at that.
And what is more...
THEY RAN OUT OF FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They ran out of food with fully one-quarter of the guests unfed. They had to go back to the restaurant and get more food, which took a full half-hour. And when the announcer said "those of you who haven't eaten yet, the food has arrived" guess who pushed his way to the front of the buffet line -- the @$$hole photographer! NO! VENDORS EAT LAST!!
While we're on the subject of food, the cake was our old friend -- SHEET CAKE.
We left early, and we were far from the first to leave.
I almost wish I weren't too much of a lady to tell this couple exactly what I thought of their reception.
Well... the important thing is that they are married...
Worst Wedding Ever (vent)
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