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Old 06-19-2004, 12:08 AM
twhrider13 twhrider13 is offline
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Boyfriend Problems

I've been fighting with myself about my relationship with my boyfriend for some time now. I've talked to a few friends about it, but I'd like some more input, so I decided to post on here.

He and I have been together for nearly a year. He has bipolar disorder. When we first got together, he was on two types of psychiatric medication, one for mania and one for depression. One or the other of the medicines (I'm not sure which one) also helped him get to sleep at night. Shortly after he lavaliered me (sometime in March), he started not taking his medication regularly. In April, he stopped altogether. You can probably see where this is going.

He has decided that being off his medicine is "good" for him, because he can "focus better now," and he can "focus on more than one thing at a time." Herein lies the biggest problem! Yes, he can focus on 5 or 6 different things at once, but it makes him impossible to talk to, because he's always off on some tangent or another, and no one but him knows what the heck he's talking about. His mood swings are unbelievable now, and he has a real anger management problem--he yells a lot over little things. I honestly don't believe he's dangerous or anything, and the anger has never really been directed about me, but I get tired of hearing him throw things around when his computer's not working right or something. He's also kind of paranoid.

Anyway, I've tried to talk to him about going back on his medication, but he insists that he doesn't need it. (He does.) His friends have tried to talk to him about it, too, but he tells them the same thing. It's really putting a strain on our relationship, because we can't carry on a decent conversation (something that is really important to me) for his off-the-wall comments or his habit of doing something else while I'm trying to talk to him, and pretty much ignoring me altogether. I've mentioned it to him, and he will apologize, and then go right back to doing the exact same thing again the next day.

In addition to the concentration problems, the anger management problems, and the paranoia, when he stopped taking his medicine, he wasn't able to sleep well for awhile. Rather than doing the sensible thing and restarting his medication, he has proceeded to get himself addicted to over-the-counter sleeping pills. Just one more thing, I suppose.

Anyway, I'm going to try and end this rant now. I realize that wanting to stop the meds is a control issue with him, but what he doesn't realize is that he can't control a chemical imbalance in his brain through sheer force of will, no matter how much he wants to. I really do care about him, and I don't want to end the relationship, but I'm running out of ideas. I can't keep putting myself through this when I know it could be prevented. If anyone else has been through this (or even if you haven't), I'd like to have some input. Thanks!
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