An article from Stanford

[shadokat]

Why every freshman should Rush

Monday, April 5, 2004
last updated April 5, 2004 5:54 AM

I'm a senior now, but I first entered Stanford in the fall of 1990.
That's not a typo ‹ I stopped out for a quick decade after winter quarter my sophomore year, then came back in September 2002 for my junior year.

The reason I'm writing this is to tell you how I went from being
adamantly anti-fraternity my freshman year to adamantly pro-fraternity now, and why I now believe that every single freshman should go through the rush process this spring. If I haven't completely convinced you by the end of this article, e-mail me and I'll give you your six minutes back.

During my ten years off, I was a cop in one of America's worst inner cities, I was on the SWAT team, and I also joined an Army Special Forces unit in the Guard. As you might imagine, the jobs that I held inspired a lot of camaraderie. Working the 'hood', where police officers were regularly shot at or shot, and rarely a night went by without us chasing or fighting someone,we relied on our fellow officers to keep us alive and that inspires strong
bonds beyond those of just passing friends.

On SWAT, we would execute search warrants on suspects with assault rifles, suspects who had tried to kill police officers, or other people with violent backgrounds. When I entered a room during a dynamic entry, I relied on my wingman to take care of threats in the uncovered zone. That sort of trust is a bit more deeply seated in the soul than the old fall-back-and-catch-me
trust-building game.

In the Army, I spent 14 weeks in the same room with the same 36 guys, and we endured a lot of tough training that makes my life now seem like life in a luxury resort. My best friends from the Army are now in training or in Iraq. One just got back from being a scout sniper with a recon platoon in the 82nd Airborne. I just got a call from another who's in Tikrit, working as a public affairs officer. If you think finals are tough, try being an Army public affairs officer in Saddam¹s hometown.

I can assure you, my priorities have changed over the years, and I now feel like my relationships with others 'my true friendships' are what are most important to me. Being surrounded by so much violence made me deeply examine my core values. I would imagine that, if you look at what really is most rewarding in life, you might find that valuing other human beings supersedes whatever career milestones, accolades or possessions you might accrue.

So, what does this have to do with Stanford? Well, first, I love
Stanford like few others: There's a good chance that I'm the happiest guy to be here. That being said, the biggest criticism I hear about Stanford is its social life. What do you feel the most important thing is that you can take from your time here? Your GPA? Membership in an honors society?

I would submit to you that the most valuable resource here is our
fellow students. If you come out of school with several real, lasting friendships, then I would count you as truly successful. I am continually in awe of all the amazing things that Stanford students do; you might never again have such a rich resource of really cool people from whom to learn.

I have no doubt that everyone here is super intelligent, but I'm not quite as certain that some are wise enough to contemplate what they want to gain from their Stanford experience. Get good grades, but for Pete's sake don't spend so much time working on stuff to enhance your resume that you don't spend time developing meaningful relationships with the people around
you.

The "deathbed perspective" means picturing yourself lying on your deathbed, looking back and taking stock. What will be most important to you? I'm guessing it will be your family first, your close friends second and everything else a distant third.

Now, if you buy my perspective that your bonds with others are what is most important in life, maybe you'll understand why I'm so pro-fraternity. As a freshman, I was firmly against fraternities because of all the stereotypes: I didn't want to join a group of people that engaged in silly hazing, disrespected women, drank beer, partied a lot and just generally lived shallower lives.

Also, I am very anti-elitist, and I didn't like the idea that a group
of strangers would judge my social worth and how "cool" I was and that I would get accepted or rejected based upon how I acted in a couple of interactions with fraternity members. Coming back to school 10 years later, I knew from the start that I wanted to join a fraternity: I was already missing the camaraderie from SWAT, the police and the Army. When I joined my fraternity
at the end of the rush process last spring, I instantly gained 50 new friends, and what a group we have.

We have athletes and intellectuals, class presidents, present leaders of student groups and future leaders in society, beer drinkers and teetotalers, business types and artist types, musicians and philosophers, future lawyers and future doctors. We have men from all over the world; we have men who are
black, Asian, Latino, Indian and white. We have Christians, agnostics, Buddhists, Sikhs and Jewish men; and we even have a guy who was vice-mayor of his town when he was 18.

The men are respectful toward women, take care of their academics before partying, have plenty of friends outside the fraternity and, in my opinion, tend to lead deeper, not shallower lives. I know that there are lots of great guys in other fraternities who are equally proud of their own groups.

In the sort of hectic, resume-building, activity-laden, pre-professional schedules, most Stanford students keep, I have a lot of concern that it becomes difficult for people to build many meaningful relationships (see "The Organization Kid" from the Atlantic April 2001 for a great discussion of this).

Hitting a loud frat party for a couple of hours on Saturday night
doesn't count as a social life to me. It can be fun, but it's not the same as making real friends. People tend to make some close friendships freshman year and then get caught up in being über-students. Being in a fraternity enforces balance in students' lives. It ensures that you're nurturing what's most important while you're nurturing your future career.

Even if (shudder) your career is what's most important to you, I still think joining a fraternity is the best move you can make. I just got my dream job in management consulting next year largely because my participation in a fraternity event opened my eyes to the possibility. After I graduate, I'll have a strong network of talented men who will be both friends and
professional contacts.

Now, please don't see this as an attack on all those of you who are not in a fraternity or feel like I'm telling you that you don't have friends or balanced lives. I just believe that all freshmen should at least go through the rush process to see if they're interested in what fraternity (or sorority) life has to offer. If they decide at the end of the process they're not interested, that's great. I respect them for making an educated decision.