A Family Affair

[bruinaphi]

I am currently reading A Goodly Heritage: The Collected Works of Betty Mullins Jones (Gamma, DePauw). For those of you who do not know who she was, Betty Mullins Jones was a two term President of Alpha Phi International and was our Standards Chairman.

A Goodly Heritage is a compilation of Betty's essays over the years. There is one in particular that I thought was pertinent to what's been going on here on Greekchat recently. I am posting it below.

A FAMILY AFFAIR
(September 1961)

When the fathers of our country were signing the Declaration of Independence, Benjamin Franklin observed: "We must all hang together or assuredly we shall all hang separately."

Nobody is making such a drastic observation about a chapter, but the principle of unity applies to our success as a social organization just as it does to a political or business venture: we must be all for one and one for all.

Anybody responsible for the care and upkeep of an automobile is aware of the myriad items needing attention -- the gas, the oil, the tires, the transmission, the brakes, the lights, the cooling system, the shock absorbers, etc. Even keeping the car clean is a task. And if there is a breakdown, it makes no difference how perfectly all the rest of the automobile is functioning. When one part fails to operate, it affects the entire car.

A chapter of Alpha Phi is composed of college women of widely varying talents, tastes and interest. True, a certain homogeneity exists among them, a sameness of age and certainly a union of interests, or they would never have pledged themselves to the same group. Nevertheless, they are individuals with divergent opinions. And this is a good thing, for variety keeps a chapter from becoming dull.

However, there are times when divergent opinion can become a colossal pain in the neck, when bullheaded individuality can cause internal strife.

An automobile is not composed of a pile of tires or a collection of spark plugs or 45 carburetors. A specified number of differing items are joined together to make a functioning vehicle. Similarly, the individual members of a chapter must be organized into a smoothly running organization or the chapter cannot achieve success.

A mature person learns to confess, when necessary, "I was wrong," to admit "I don't know" and to say, "I bow to the will of the majority." And if the majority is wrong? Well, the time for thrashing out differences of opinion is before the election. When the decision is made, honor it.

In any chapter, deception is occasionally necessary. It is perfectly possible to be waging a private war, to be hotly discussing an issue behind closed doors, and to emerge smiling calmly at the public. Never, never never air chapter grievances to strangers (and in such cases, anyone not wearing an Alpha Phi pin is a stranger).

It is also possible for one person to smother her gripes and pitch in to help the rest. So she doesn't like the color scheme for the house dance? Maybe not. But if the rest do, shell have to put up with it. So she isn't in favor of practicing overtime for the Spring Sing? If extra practice is the chapter decision, she raises her voice in song along with the rest.

If the chapter is having a problem with some misguided member, the matter remains inside the chapter. It is not aired on campus. Even if true love demands that you share all your secrets with him, restrain yourself. This is not your secret, it is your chapter's. Keep your chapter's confidence.

It is easy to recite admonitions against disparaging a sister in Alpha Phi. It is equally easy to hand out advice on working together in harmony. But what happens when you're good and mad? When you feel that you're getting a raw deal? When everyone bails out and leaves you with an unfinished committee assignment?

For one thing, don't blow your top in public. Don't ever let an outsider see you smoldering. The place of lid-flipping is at a chapter buzz session. Family discussions are for family. It is perfectly all right to air your grievances where it will do some good, but it only creates a bad impression if word gets around campus that "the Phis are feuding."

You may find, if you practice, that sticking together becomes a habit. If you keep in mind that you are going to present a united front, that you are going to cooperate on chapter projects, that you are aware of the importance of your campus reputation, you will gradually find yourselves not having to think about unity. It will be part of your chapter tradition.

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Presented as Standard Chairman's Report
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Edited because my typing skills are horrible in the middle of the night.