Quote:
Originally posted by Peaches-n-Cream
Not my problem, but I discussed it in AIM chats so here goes..
My friend had a boyfriend whom she loved for about 4 or 5 years. They broke up a few years ago, but they still date and see each other socially. She still loves him and wants a future with him. He said to her that he couldn't handle the pressure of a commitment right now. Anyway, they have been off and on for a couple of years now. All of their friends know how she feels about him.
The problem is a few weeks ago one of her friends asked him to be her date to a wedding. She never discussed it with my friend. She did discuss it with some of their friends. Quite a few of their friends knew about the date. My friend was hurt, upset, and shocked that her friend asked him out. Moreover, she is hurt that their friends knew about this, and never told her. There was a lot of secrecy and deception about this date. I feel really bad for her. She was, and still is, really devastated. I am not sure what to say or do to help her deal with this. This really isn't about dating per se as much as it is about respecting a friend's feelings. Meanwhile, the guy thinks that he was doing her friend a favor. He didn't think of it as a date. What do you suggest?
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Cream-
This is a lot of drama, glad I'm not in your circle.
I understand that your freind wants a future with this guy, but apparently he doesn't want to be tied down right now. Are they currently dating? From what you said it doesnt seem like they are officially together right now. If thats the case, I think there's something going on that your freind doesnt know. From what you said about him going on a date with her, it sounds like there might be some sort of a flame between the guy and the girl he went to the wedding with. I don't know any guy who went to a wedding with a girl as just a date and there was nothing going on between them. That just doesnt happen. If the guy doesnt like the girl he went to the wedding with, I think maybe she likes him and he doesnt realize it. Now, to help your friend.....You need to talk to your friend and help her in this time. I'm sure she's really depressed right now. Maybe its time for your friend to move on, maybe you should help her in that arena. Explain to her that she'll always love him and have a place in her heart for him, everyone has that person who they arent dating anymore but still have feelings for them in their heart. I think whats going on with the off and on couple is that they dated for so long they are still comfotable wiht each other and find it hard to get on that same level with other people. Trust me, I've went through that. I'm trying not to go through it right now. You freind is gonna be hurt regradless when she sees him with another girl, but it being a friend is only worse. And I think thats the reason for all the secrecy, everyone knows your friend will be hurt.....personally I think that guy and the girl from the wedding have something going on and very few people know about it, not including you. Still, it wasnt right for that girl to ask her freinds ex-boyfriend of a # of yrs to go on a date to a wedding. Unless those two are REALLY REALLY good friends, there should no reason for him and her to go to a wedding together unless they have something going on that most people don't know about.
You just need to comfort your friend and help her through this time. Its pretty rough when you see someone you were in love with and spent yrs together be with another person...regardless whether or not you see them walking together on campus or at a bar having drinks. It just hurts period. Help her move on and find the greener pastures. Her going through this will only make her stronger and more independent. For some reason I get this feeling like she is not very independent, like maybe she's the type of girl who latches on to a guy and is always by his side. Am I right? I also have a feeling she can bent out of shape over a guy pretty easy, am I right? If I am, just do what I said and help her find better things.
Craig
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