oh JAM-I am so sorry you are feeling so down.
I have always wanted to tell my mom that she did a great job raising me but it is time for me to learn from my own mistakes (actually I have said this in some certain way at one time or another-yes at 31 I am still being told what to do on occasion and feel guilty about little things-case in point she is here this weekend and my house was a mess-all day I frantically ran around cleaning thinking I am going to be in so much trouble b/c my house is messy-ha ha). I don't do things exactly like her which frustrates her to no end but I can say that most of the choices I have made in my life have been the right ones and I know it is b/c she raised me to go after what I want and that I can always achieve my goals if I put my mind to it. I don't know your children personally but from all of your posts I would have to say that you have guided them and probably taught them well now it is there turn to figure out things for themselves. I know it will be hard when they don't make the choices that you would have made but just take a deep breath and let them learn. My mother has never said I told you so and I am so thankful for this. I don't think I could do as good of a job as she has done thus I probably won't have children but if I do she will be my number one consultant and advisor
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