texas*princess's post in random made me think of this email I received a while back. If you are ever in Dallas, I am the gal in the SUV. 
Life in America's fifth largest city:
You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS, depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules....Hold on and pray.
There is no such thing as "dangerous high-speed chase" in Dallas. We all drive like that.
All directions start with, "Get on Beltline" ...which has no beginning and no end.
The morning rush hour is from 6:00am to 10:00am. The evening rush hour is from 3:00pm to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to three when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic. However, do not count to four or higher unless you want to get rear-ended from the gal behind you in a SUV.
Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We have had so much fun with that, that we have added George H. Bush Tollway (aka 190) and Jupiter Road to the mix.
(and now the "High Five" 635@75 mixaster)
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we're in Fort Worth!!"
If someone actually has their "turn signal" on, it's probably a factory defect.
All old ladies with blue hair in Mercedes always have the right of way. They come from old money and could probably buy and sell you anyway.
Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Marsh Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road... all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections. (These are only a FEW examples). The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road. On the south end it is known as Lake Highlands Boulevard, cross NW Hwy and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it's briefly Greenville Avenue, then Avenue K, and Highway 5.
A trip across town (east to west) will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85. Anything less is considered downright sissy.
The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff isn't ornamental.
It IS possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST highway. Don't let this confuse you.
The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR.
LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons: "death" and "trap".
If it's only 100 degrees, Halloween must be next weekend. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show must be going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round if it is Spring; or it is the Texas State Fair if it is Fall.
Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, race tracks, airports, etc. are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
If you need to ask for directions, get ALL the names of the street you are being told to turn onto...we intermix numbers, letters, names for the same roads.
If your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one.
Observe all school-zone speed limits. Cops here have mirrors on both sides of their sunglasses.
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