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Things wrong with women according to the VSU school paper
Jody Walker (Author)
In 1517, Martin Luther nailed to the door of the Wittenberg Church his 95 theses in protest of papal indulgences, thus giving birth to the Protestant Revolution. I now present my 55 theses on what is wrong with women, in hopes of creating a similar revolution.
General
1. Women lack reasoning skills.
2. Women are selfish.
3. Women are stupid.
4. Toilet seats have hinges for a reason.
5. Diet Coke + Three Big Macs = Diet.
6. If you weigh 90 pounds, there is no way you are fat.
7. Rain will not melt you unless you are a witch.
8. Something cannot make you look fat.
9. If you don't want to hear the answer, don't ask the question.
10. Don't take jokes personal.
11. Looks don't matter if you're smoking.
12. Chewbacca. If you don't understand, you probably never will.
13. You can't be a Jesus freak and a freak at the same time.
Fashion
14. There is weight limit for tank tops and short shorts.
15. You don't need 30 pairs of shoes.
16. Blonde is not a dominant genetic hair color.
17. Hip belts are not hip.
18. Blue eyeliner is ungodly.
19. Black lipstick is ungodly.
20. I don't like clowns/too much makeup.
21. Every strand of hair doesn't have to be perfect.
22. Going to the gym twice a week will not make you skinny.
23. Body glitter is not attractive.
Driving
24. Green means go.
25. Red means stop.
26. You can't change lanes when I am in the one next to you.
27. Applying makeup and driving don't go together.
28. Talking on cell phones (see above)
29. You can't seduce cops to get out of a ticket.
30. The speed limit is not a suggestion.
31. Four inches from the curb when parking, not four feet.
32. Stay between the lines when parking.
33. Use turn signals.
34. It doesn't take two hours to find a parking spot.
Class
35. Class is not a time to socialize with friends.
36. Phone calls (see above)
37. Makeup (see #1)
38. You can't be fashionably late to class.
39. Pajama pants are for sleeping.
40. Don't argue-your opinion is probably wrong.
41. Why don't you actually listen to the professor for a change?
42. You can't seduce the professor to improve your grade.
43. Just because I sit next to you doesn't mean I am interested in your life.
Relationships
44. You date jerks, you end up with jerks.
45. You date losers, you end up with losers.
46. Indecisiveness must be genetic.
47. If you lie to me, I will lie back.
48. 10 minutes does not mean an hour.
49. Gentlemen don't exist. They stare at your breasts, too.
50. Just because a guy smiles at you doesn't mean he is a stalker.
51. Trying to or sleeping with my friends is wrong.
52. Trying to or sleeping with everyone in Valdosta is wrong.
53. Everybody doesn't love you when you are drunk.
54. Guys don't have to pay for everything.
55. Guys don't have to make all the decisions.
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