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I think the easiest way to deal with live-in problems is by creating a point system. You can give points for involvement in the chapter (holding office, participating in IM's, etc.) as well as involvement on campus and maintaining a high GPA. You can put the point system in your bylaws and then put rules in your bylaws about who has to live in. It should be the people with the lowest number of points and then certain officers.
In terms of being the enforcer I would just lay it all out at meeting. Explain that each month you have to have x amount in order to pay the rent and that you have three choices: (1) people can move in, (2) you can increase dues of live-outs to make up for the fact that they won't move in or (3) you can have other people live in your chapter house. Most chapters will have people move in.
In terms of parlor fees, they are basically just house usage fees for members who do not live in the chapter house. Most organizations have them in some form or another. It sounds like you guys really need to sit down and look at your budget and dues and make some tough decisions about where you want to go as an organization.
Good luck!
Laura
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