My daughter doing recruitment her way

[BlueBayou]

This is a mom's take on her daughter's recruitment. My introverted daughter Flower decided to go through recruitment. I'm an alumnae of an NPC sorority. I've not been super active, I have not lived in a town with a collegiate chapter for more than two decades. But I go to the occasional alumnae event and my girls were raised knowing that sorority involvement was a very positive experience for me.

About Flower's school. It has 4 NPC sororities, high grade standards (Average ACT 29, SAT 1310), and of very ethnically diverse student population. And that diversity carries over to the NPC chapters. I believe there is a huge percentage of girls going through recruitment that do not have parents who were greek.

I'm going to call them:
North
South - Her legacy sorority
East
West - Her cousin's sorority

Chapter totals appear to hover in the low 90s and the chapters that COB more often are in the upper 70s to mid 80s. So there isn't a huge imbalance in size.

(Tent talk I heard from alums - but did NOT share with Flower. One is new with good sisterhood, COBs more often because it is still establishing. One is known as the pretty, party girls and has the lowest GPA. One is know to have strong academic - focus, going after NMFs. The last is also strong academically and good sisterhood. Personally at the booths at orientation - I met two groups and my legacy group struck me as very sweet, but also very polished.)

My daughter is not the stereotypical person that you would think would go through recruitment. But being a sorority member myself, I know there really is no such thing as a stereotypical sorority member.

I think it was in February, we got invited to a big city alumnae legacy party for my sorority. New pledges/initiates and legacy high school juniors and seniors were invited. I took my daughter to it. On the 30 minute drive to the party - I talked to my daughter about what rush is really like. I explained rotation groups and the small talk. A couple of the ladies at the party were my chapter sorority sisters. Two of them had daughters who were active members of our sorority, but at different schools. It was nice getting to catch up with them. It was a good opportunity for Flower to see that we had the same conversation over and over with different groups of people. It was a good experience.

I had my daughter contact one of the ladies we met there for a reference to my sorority and her other one was from a lady from my chapter that I see socially.

We also attended a "Go Greek" night with the Alumnae Panhellenic for our suburb. They separated the moms from the PNMs. While the PNMs were placed into small groups with active sorority members to go over what recruitment is like, the mom's were all placed together and two ladies facilitated discussion of references/recs/rifs and RFM. This is the south and there were other moms with binders - exchanging reference contact information.

Flower did get a lot out of the event. She went from wanting to go through recruitment because she wanted a sisterhood to being excited about finding her sisters. Flower has social anxiety, so I was super pleased to see her excited - but also a little worried. Small talk might not come easily to her.

College is a time that kids get to rebel a little and not listen to mom. And my daughter is not a shopper. She is more a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal. In the months leading up to recruitment, any suggestion from mom about prepping a recruitment wardrobe fell on deaf ears. At one point, when I was about to pull my hair out at Anthropologie, I threatened her younger sister Blossom, who is a fashionista/Imelda Marcos that I would not buy Blossom anything, ever again if she did not find something, anything that would work for her sister. Thankfully, even though they are not the same body types, Blossom (who thinks she wants to major in fashion merchandizing) found two very suitable and flattering pieces. Flower had already decided that her pref dress was going to be a Ralph Lauren dress we purchased for graduation. The only dress she owns.

Please do not think I am being shallow and only concerned about fashion. Nothing could be further from the truth. When I say this kid only wears jeans and t-shirts or short and t-shirts or sweaters and jeans - I'm serious. With the exception of some black dress pants, a black skirt and a plain white dress shirts for Model UN competitions - everything else in her closet was jeans, t-shirts, sweaters and shorts. Oh and one pair of leggings. Her "dress" clothes are her sweaters. But in 90+ degree temps - those would not have worked.

During the summer I also suggested that she remove her black nail polish and choose something more appropriate. Suggesting this is a decision I will live to regret later. She said "No." That she likes black etc.

Also when she was packing up to go to college - I asked if she was going to pack any of her makeup (she has full pallets - Blossom is into makeup and skincare - and I think may have suggested them as Christmas gifts). Flower said no that she never wears anything but tinted lip gloss. I said "What about Rush?" She responded that if she doesn't wear it normally, why would she wear it for recruitment. Lordy Bee. I said "don't you want to make a good impression." She said - "I want a place I can be me." While I can't argue with that, again it made me nervous. And for the record - for her senior portrait - she was super excited to have her hair and makeup done. So go figure.

In the weeks leading up to recruitment there were a series of informational meeting, some Panhellenic only and some were "Meet the Greeks" type events. These were not required events, but Flower attended them all.

I made the mistake of asking what she was going to wear to one of the events. She said a t-shirt of a divisive, failed senate candidate. Seriously? In my world politics was NEVER discussed in rush. Oh and by this time her black nail polish is completely chipped and half picked off. I totally spaced on getting her nails done before we moved her up there. And she doesn't care. When she got home from that event - I asked if anyone said anything about her shirt. Thankfully, she slopped food on her shirt in the cafeteria and had to go with something else. She has a retro type shirt her cousin gave her that says "I did my best." She wore that - and got tons of complements. It was a conversation starter. Oh and I think one of the North sorority members asked her if she had any concerns about recruitment and my sweet Flower said "My mom is really concerned about me going through with chipped nail polish." Seriously Flower - you didn't do that. The girl said "oh no. It's fine. I went through with chipped nail polish."

So my daughter is ready to for recruitment. No makeup and chipped nail polish. She is chill, and I'm on pins and needles.