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A couple more:
"No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public."
-HL Mencken
"The ability to quote is a serviceable substitue for true wit."
-Somerset Maugham
"Sure I drink too much - I gave a urine sample the other day, and it had an olive in it."
-Rodney Dangerfield
"Here's to our wives and girlfriends - may they never meet."
-Groucho Marx
"Only two things are infinite: the universe, and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein
"The price of living has gone up another quarter a pint."
-WC Fields
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