Dropped a few hours before initiation.

[Congress2032]

A few hours before I was supposed to be initiated I dropped because of 2 reasons. 1) financial reasons. I just got my first apartment and rent is almost $600 a month with the deposit and the first month of rent due before getting the key. I had to get rental insurance as well so that's $100. With summer, fall, and spring dues, I would have not been able to pay rent, pay bills or pay for food. After looking at my back account I wouldn't be able to buy my big brother the gift that I really wanted. 2) I just wasn't happy being their in general. I wasn't really connecting with the brothers and in my pledge class. Every time I hung around with them I couldn't make a conversation without making it awkward. I felt that I had no place in the chapter. I feel that it just wasn't for me and I didn't want to make a regretful decision if I went through initiation. I feel kind of happy of what I did after all because I listened to my gut instinct.

The way how I dropped is kind of funny to some people but I feel that I should of have done it another way. I dropped without telling anyone. We were in a classroom and I was planning on telling my pledge brothers, the pledge educator, and my big brother the reason why I had to drop right before initiation. For some reason I couldn't do it because I was scared and didn't want to be embarrassed for my reasons. The pledge educator told us to go to the restroom before we started so I did. But, I didn't go to the restroom. I simply walked out of the class and building and did not look back. I felt a little relief of what I did and kind of happy as well too. I felt like Andy in the Devil Wears Prada where she walks out of the car and leaves Miranda without telling her because she wasn't going to be happy if she stayed with the company. They found me in my dorm though but I didn't really get to explain the reason why I left. I can tell that my big brother hates me know because he texted me asking why I dropped. I responded but no reply. I saw a few of the brothers and they no longer talk to me or acknowledge me if I speak to them first. I feel that I should of told them before dropping but to be honest, I didn't know what to do and I felt that walking out without telling anyone was the only option that I had to do. Did I do the right thing?