Unsure of where I ended up

[applesauce]

Hi, I'm Jane. I don’t go to a very competitive Greek school. I have a high GPA. I’m very smiley and friendly. Sure, I’m not the most “fun” person ever but I am silly and down to earth! But all of the top sororities dropped me instantly. My confidence dropped a bit, but it was okay, because I was invited back the house I absolutely loved. The house where I felt so comfortable and the one place where conversations weren’t forced at all. They almost brought me to tears when I saw their skit. They emphasized sisterhood and were all-around genuine, kind, and outgoing. I dreamed of running to them on bid day and wearing their letters. But they dropped me before pref night, and I was left with a house that I really disliked from the beginning and one that was mediocre. I ultimately settled for the mediocre house, because I felt like if they wanted me to be part of their sisterhood, then that was special enough for me and I wanted to give them a chance.

Now that I’m in, I’ve been having doubts. I’ve only been a member for 3 weeks now, which isn’t much, I know. I’ve been on a few “big” dates which have helped me meet initiated members but when we go to events with the whole chapter, they barely act like they know me and just stick to their older friends. I don’t want to stick around and get a big and waste her time and effort if I’m not 100% committed. And don’t get me started on meeting people from my own pledge class. They haven't helped us get to know each other better at all. I also can’t help but feel like I wasn’t a carefully chosen member; I feel like my chapter just took anyone who wanted them. As a result, we have quite a few people lacking social skills, and it has been hard to find people I can talk to easily and relate to.

Today we had a Panhellenic meeting with new members from all sororities and we were seated randomly. I guess they did a bad job of spreading us out equally because my entire table consisted of girls from a certain other sorority and they were just staring at me and making me feel like an outsider. My chapter is considered one of the “lower” ranking ones at my school and I just hate having people make instant judgments any time I am wearing my letters or they find out what sorority I’m in. I also just felt bad because the girls in their pledge class seemed so close…and I really haven’t made many friends in mine.

I still feel sad and jealous whenever I see anyone from the sorority I wanted wearing their letters on campus or when I see their pictures on Facebook. I can’t stop myself from wondering why they didn’t want me back when I had felt such a strong connection. I’m scared I’m not a proud sister of my chapter like I should be. Are my concerns ridiculous? Am I being vain?