Gay alumni

[midwest00alum]

I'm an alum that's about 10 years out of college.

I just moved to a new city for a job. It happens to have a major university with a very, very large Greek system.

I am interested in, and excited about the possibility of, getting involved as an alum. I feel I have a lot to offer, and also it would be good to meet people including the other local alumns.

The only thing is -- I'm gay. In the years since I left college, I've become active in the gay community, and also have a very low tolerance now for bullying and other behaviors that marginalize gay people. I'm not one to make a scene, but it hurts when I see those kinds of situations, and I hate seeing others get hurt or demeaned by thoughtless behavior.

So, I'm wondering about this choice. I might meet the chapter members and alums, and find them to be terrific people who could care less about my sexuality. Or I might find out that it is a place where intolerance reigns. That would be disappointing, because when I joined my fraternity many years ago, I always wanted it to be a lifelong affiliation.

Another two choices, I suppose, are these - I could contact the interfraternity council and see if any volunteer help is needed for campuswide Greek events (thus avoiding a possibly uncomfortable direct interaction with the chapter.) Or, I could try to find out which fraternities on campus have a reputation of being tolerant, welcoming, and gay-friendly, and explore volunteer opportunities with them. But, the doors might not be open to me as an alum of a different fraternity.

And the third thought is, do I be upfront and let people know I'm gay right when I meet them, or do I just let that fact be known to people subtly as I get to know them? Would any brothers, parents, or alumni be upset if I kept that private? It's just an awkward situation. Fraternities and sports might be about the last two places where there is still a lot of discomfort about homosexuality.

Thanks for any ideas.