As a freshman, I didn't know what conservative and liberal were, and I sure didn't know that organizations leaned one way or the other. I knew how I grew up, how my parents raised me, and how my community was. I knew how to recognize good people... and I knew when I found a bunch of guys who were warm-hearted, fun, welcoming, and easy-going, that I felt comfortable with. So that's how I chose my fraternity.
I had a good experience. I have 2-3 good friends who will probably be friends for life. I have good memories, and my fraternity opened the door for me to involvement in Greek Life and meeting a whole lot of people. It helped me during my first teaching job where my assistant principal also was part of the same Greek system... not in the way of "this got me the job," but we had that common bond to talk about and that helped build our friendship.
But as an alumni, 10 years after graduation, I'm disillusioned. When I pick up the alumni magazine, I see pictures of people who value money, power, and prestige. The featured alumni seem to be chosen by how quickly they've risen in the ranks of corporations. I rarely see anyone who isn't wearing a suit on those pages.
I haven't yet seen a feature story on an eco-friendly alumni, or someone who's become a high school football coach, or on a 25-year old who's traveled to Australia and spent a year enjoying life and discovering more about himself.
It makes me wonder what this fraternity that I joined, what they really value. Is there anyone like me? Are there any members who started a community theatre, runs a small non-profit, teaches lower middle class kids, or plants trees as part of a weekend urban forestry project? Or has expanded their small pizza business after years of hard work? Or works a blue-collar job full-time so their teenagers can go to summer camp or play soccer in a summer league this year?
I haven't done those things specifically, but, these are things I relate to. I relate to people who are in "people jobs," giving generously of their time and whatever money they have. I want to celebrate those things with my brothers. But I never see them in the glossy publications or on the website.
I can't relate as well to someone who's driven with rising up the corporate and political ladder, showing off expensive cars and suits, or obsessed with having the picture-perfect McMansion, wife, and 2.5 kids. And these are the ONLY people who seem to reach our alumni publication. I'm sorry, I don't play golf. I don't have $1000 to spare to become a gold level donor this year.
Its not that I'm not building my life and my own success, but I'm doing it in a different way and at my own pace. But I feel like people who see things from my perspective aren't valued, wanted, or given a place in the landscape of my national alumni... and the same stereotype Type-A people are also usually the senders and sponsors of most of the emails and letters I get from the local chapter that I was part of.
Its disheartening to feel left out.
Its the one reason why I would not wholeheartedly recommend fraternity membership to a young person that I know. Its the reason why I do not get involved or feel affection or responsibility for the alumni association and their projects and events. Its the reason I do not give them money.
My question is, does anyone else feel this way? Has your fraternity, through their publications, events, and alumni association, both national and local, given you a valued place in their organization as a liberal, as a creative, as a plugger, or as a small businessman, or an educator? Have they given you an opportunity to participate the way you can contribute? Have they made you feel small, or have they valued you for who they are?
Are some fraternities more liberal than others? Is it too late to change my membership?
I was told when I joined that fraternity was for life, and that there would always be a place for me there. I sadly feel it isn't, and that when we don't make room at the table for everyone, that promise is broken.
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