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This has been said, but it's worth reiterating - if join XYZ when you really wanted ABC, and if you are going to spend the next four years comparing the two, dissing ABC and acting miserable at XYZ, then don't waste your time (or XYZ's time). If you feel like you can suck it up, learn to love XYZ and work to make your experience great, then go for it. I'm a very big believer in your experience being what you make it.
When I was a freshman, my chapter was really struggling. The other three groups were hovering around 100, while Kappa was hovering around 40. During recruitment, it seemed like everybody got invited back to Kappa, and everybody was talking about how ugly/fat/awkward all the sisters were. They were really sweet and genuine, though, and that's why I joined despite the fact that they were not my original first choice. On Bid Day, my pledge class was less than 1/4 the size of the other groups'. But I think the recruitment chair did a fantastic job, because almost every girl in my pledge class went on hold an officer position every year. Right now, our President, two of our VPs, and a bunch of other important officers are from that class. There weren't many of us, but I think we really turned the chapter around. A lot of times, that's all it takes.
In recent years, we've pledged several girls who were originally pledges of what most would consider the top two hottest/most popular/most desired groups on campus. The first time around, they were ecstatic because on Bid Day, they had managed to receive a highly coveted bid from the groups that were every PNM's dream. But they were quickly discovered how unhappy they were - they didn't fit in, and they found that the sisters were very different than they had seemed during recruitment. They dropped out, waited a year, and re-rushed. They've been very happy with us.
And to be fair, we've had girls who weren't happy with us. One girl in my pledge class freely admitted to me (on Bid Day!) that she was only pledging because Kappa was (in her eyes) the strongest nationally of the four on campus, and since she was going into the corporate world, she needed the connections after graduation. She didn't make any effort to connect with her pledge class, attend chapter events or get involved at all. She got one of her friends to COB and pledge with her so she wouldn't have to suffer through it alone (ironically, those two girls no longer speak - and the friend she dragged to COB is now a chapter VP and Panhellenic President!). Anyway, she lasted less than a year before realizing that you just can't coast through membership without doing anything, and is no longer a member.
We've had a few other girls join us because they just wanted to be Greek - they didn't get their top choice and they just wanted some letters. Some changed and grew to love it (after a few weeks of sulking), and one or two never did. They stuck with it, but didn't contribute much or get much out of it. Those are the cases that are really unfortunate.
I guess my main point is, again, your experience is what you make it.
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